Target Diva

I've moved

2010-04-28T12:14:00.000-07:00

If you've missed me here, I'm blogging over at Wordpress, waxing poetic about trying to work up the courage to wear a bikini. Visit, comment, whatever. I'd love to see you!

twelve christmasses

2009-12-10T06:39:00.000-08:00

You have no idea how much I want to add photos to this, but, as I'm sure I've mentioned (or more accurately bitched repeatedly about) my lap top stubbornly refuses to open windows and upload things like pictures or charts or snazzy little apps...oh no no no...so no pictures, just my very own paint with words style
HOLIDAY STYLE!
I am woefully unprepared for Christmas this year, having 1) just recently moved and 2) working like an absolute maniac. Don't get me wrong, our tree is up (thanks, JT) and even has the lights on it, all the kids trees are up..and the advent house is set up, we've even begun baking like keebler elves and eating our results. But, presents are not bought, Christmas card is not ordered, ornaments are not on tree, house is not ready for game night...and so on...oh holiday to do list, why dost thou mock me so???
But what I really want to talk about is the last ten to twelve years with my hubby. We've exchanged so many gifts I couldn't even begin to really start telling you, but I do want to share a story about our first married Christmas, (we had one prior to being married, I will heretofore refer to it as our engaged Christmas, during which i fell ill with some sort of toxic death flu and ended up passed out on his mom's couch snoring like a freight train ...welcome to the family!) I can't remember what I wanted, but I do remember that we opened one gift on Christmas eve and I was so exited, he handed me the gift and I ripped of the paper and ....my shoulders dropped, it was Ray Romanos book, (bear in mind, the book had just came out in 2000 and so was a little more exiting, but, honestly..not much)
A little background..I love books.. and I love comedy, so thought my sweet, caring husband, what is better than a book by a comedian??? nothing, but from your newlywed husband? It might as well have been an iron for all the romance it conjured. I wasn't upset, I just wasn't amped up about it and well, Mr. Observant could tell, and so we did a lot of this
'I'm so sorry..'
'Don't be sorry..I really like it.'
'But you're not crazy about it.'
'It's great.'<------dead voice,
'I'm really sorry'
'It's fine, really'
I think you get the point.
He's really hit it out of the part with my gifts before, as a matter of fact on our engaged Christmas, he not only bought me this gorgeous butterfly necklace, he also bought me birthstone and diamond earrings...for the SAME CHRISTMAS, so you see my point right? The very next Christmas ...Ray Romano?
OK, I will leave poor Ray alone and say this..I still have that book, and almost every Christmas, we make some joke about someones gift being a Ray...it's become part of the texture and fabric that makes our marriage work. The big thing being that both M and I have a great sense of humor about ourselves, we know we mess up and are not perfect, and well, when we do, it's sometimes funny.
I hope everyone gets just what they want this year!
Happy Christmas..
Ps..maybe you should expect new years cards this year...
*R

Day three of NaNoWriMO and more secrets bout me!!

2009-11-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

So I'm hovering around five thousand words, which is AWESOME! I've decided to reward myself with a new hoodie if I make my 13, 000 by this weekend.....

My favorite childhood memory is picnicking with my family. We would go to Mt. Mitchell or to Hot Springs or to Chimney Rock and eat cold fried chicken (my Dad would fry it early and pack it in his tupperware lunch box) and mustardy potato salad and girl scout cookies an whatever else was packed. We would hike and sometimes fish or just hang out.

I suppose this is not a deep dark secret but it's fun to think about the things that were fun growing up, it seems so much that we do with our children costs so much money when really all they need is a little bit of time.
Have a great tuesday
*R

NaNoWriMo or the girl next door.

2009-11-02T17:38:00.001-08:00

I may have mentioned I'm a story collector, I harvest peoples stories and store them for later to dissect and antidote somehow in later writing.
Oh, I'm not always doing it, but a lot of the time, I'm totally stealing your funny stuff, but in honor of NOVEMBER, which is of course NaNoWriMo time, I'm going to lay it bare, each time I blog I'm going to come clean with a story about me, embarrassing, funny, real...whatever.
Because my medium is fiction I'm going to amp it up with some non fiction to balance it out!

My first antidote:
My kindergarten year I was so sick on Egg Hunt day that I had to lay in the nurses office and listen to the other kids hunt eggs. My mountain school was so small that the cot for sickies was in the teachers lounge, the eggs were hidden in the side fenced yard for the kindergarteners, my best friend for that year, April snuck in and brought me an egg filled with chocolate kisses, (a huge sacrifice!) which I threw up later that night. I will always remember wearing a pretty yellow dress that day and being so exited that I got sick!
some things just stick with you.....
more writing!
go NaNoWriMO's!
*R

I'm fine.

2009-09-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

In my line of work-that is, the service industry, I get asked every single day how I am...I say the same phrase almost without fail...I'm fine, thanks so much for asking.
and I am, fine that is. Physically (although I could still stand to drop a few pounds) I'm healthy, I eat well, I see well, and hear perfectly fine, all my fingers and toes work and most of the time my brain is engaged. I have a happy healthy family. We are in no physical pain. We have cars that work and fruits and veggies and a warm and caring extended family. We have what we need, and a good bit of what we want.
but sometimes, like right now, I'm not fine.
I lie.
I'm frustrated, I'm worried and I'm frightened.
I'm frustrated that I can't get as much done as I'd like, I'm worried that I won't get it all done before we move and I'm frightened that things could get worse.
I know when people say, How are you? Most often they are being polite and I adore all things mannerly and polite and to respond I'm fine is more polite than saying I'm so stressed out it feels like I'm swallowing sand sometimes.
but, once in awhile I mean it, I am fine. I am at peace, the very core of me, where I carry my assurance that everything is OK, is still and calm. I relish these moments, because I know, deep down, things are fine, that I'm good, that it will work out, and when I say I'm fine....
it will be true.

What if Weekend

2009-09-19T13:53:00.000-07:00

I have a million stories. I love stories. I think it may be what drives me to want to be a writer. I love hearing new stories, My brother, who is a police officer is a well of stories that constantly make me say, I just can't believe it. My Dad, when he tells a story, has this great boyish smile that makes the whole story better and you can't wait to be in on the joke. I love listening to family stories, work stories, church stories, funny stories, serious, heart wrenching stories. And sometimes I pull from my well of stories when I'm stuck or blocked or completely stalled as I have been for the last two weeks. I play the what if game. What if my character fell in love/fell out of love/watched a Disney movie?
I love to play this game in real life, it's a part of my love of a story. I make up stories about people in waiting rooms with me, what if they are on their way to buy a new car, a new dog? I play what if with my life as well, what if I didn't love my children more than my own skin? What if I hadn't met my husband when I did? What if I publish a book? What if I don't?
I play with M, but he tires of it far before I do, what if we won the lottery? What if we were handed everything, what if we didn't know the value of work, and appreciate all we had? What if I publish something to great reviews or to terrible reviews? What if something happens to one of us?
I play with my kids, although they get bored with one round and want a cupcake or a hug, what if we have to move again? What if we can't go on vacation or rent movies?
I love this game, but not only does it get exhausting trying to figure out all the possibilities, it's frustrating to figure out the 'right' thing.
Especially when you are stuck on a puzzle piece of a story. How do I get from point a to point b to the conclusion? Where is my character going and What if I get it all wrong?
I am playing what if this weekend for one of my characters and I wonder will she figure out she's a good guy? What if she doesn't? What if I don't connect the dots?
What if I get so frustrated with the story I press delete and start over?
*R

Blind Faith.

2009-09-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

I grew up in church, but I'm a skeptic. I'm not saying I don't believe in God, because I do, I certainly do. I also believe that other religions believe what they believe for a reason as well. Almost every day I go to the YMCA, where you can grab a verse a day out of a basket when you check in. My children grab without fail and today Bradys verse was from Matthew, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. When I read it to my three year old, he patted my face and said, 'God will help when you are tired, Mommy'. I almost fainted. I am exhausted every single day, but lately I've been feeling a bit better ( I assumed because I was working out regularly) but maybe I wasn't giving credit where credit is due.
Maybe all it took for me to realize how God works every single day in my life is one sentence from my son.
Thank you Lord, for every single day we wake up healthy, with food to eat and clothes to wear and a place to live, Thank you for our jobs, our shoes, our love for each other and our oppurtunities. Thank you for every day my car starts and I have money for gas, thank you for the beautiful weather, birthday cakes and good cell service days. Thank you for friends, for art, for literature, for the energy to get through the day. And thank you most of all for the wisdom of children and the wonder of youth.
And right now, I feel a little less tired just thinking about it.
*R

My life in corsets (ps this is my 100th post!)

2009-07-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

So, Hey if you've never met me in real life, I'm voluptuous. I say this in my head the same way a person might say, hey, I have a communicable/venereal disease. I'm not ashamed of my body. OH nononono. I just feel like everyone else is. I feel like my boobs enter a room before I do. I feel like my butt knocks things over of it's own accord and my thighs(my least favorite and most zaftig body part) well, I could wax poetic all day, but I won't bore you.
I have said before and I'll say again, I love the things my body has done, I have three wonderful children(when they are sleeping...or medicated) and I have ran races and delivered a million trays of food and I can swim and bike and play soccer and volleyball.
Yet somehow, I always apologize for myself, when no apology is necessary.
I recently embarked on a new adventure(code word for torture) at work I like to call front of house managing(to those unfamiliar with the resturant industry this means 'complaint handler/jane of all trades)and I have to DRESS UP.
In my life before children, I kind of liked to dress up, granted this was almost eight years ago and long, flowy skirts were in, as were boy pants with suspenders, but I digress. Now, I hate to dress up. Because it means, well, it means some sort of body shaper is generally in order. blech.
I'm pretty honest.
I'm like a five on the angel to politician scale. But I'm not Oprah, I could not on live TV talking about all the business my spanx hold in.
But I will tell you this, I don't wear those suckers every day. Or even most days. I wear them when I do not want to see a muffin toppy roll over the tops of my pants and when the line of my outfit is compromised( which is almost always when I'm dressing up)
It occurs to me, even as I write this, that I've kind of always thought that I'm not exactly thin (but hey, what teenage girl doesn't)
I think however what I'm really trying to say is, that although I'm fine in my house when I'm chilling (as I so frequently chill) when I go out into the world, I still feel the need to suck it in.
I like me, and that guy I married is still a fan(bless his heart) so I've got what matters and yet..still with the funny underwear.

I believe what I see in the mirror (and believe me...although I spared myself only cursory glances in the mirror through my twenties, I've been examing pretty hard here lately botox diaries style) and I'm pretty OK. I mean, I've never been a cover girl, but I think I still got it( and by got it, I mean most of my teeth and decent eyelashes)

My point and remember when I was just (sweet martha already) going to get to it?is this, all women are beautiful, in some way, at some point and if we don't recognize it for ourselves it may not be recognized. Mass consumerism is always going to want us to buy into thinner is better, but if you take care of yourself and don't neglect your health, maybe we can just suck it up on our own and let the funny underwear stay at the bottom of the drawer.

Best
*R

Take me to your leader

2009-07-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

I've wasted a good deal of time this summer, as my Ma-maw would put it 'feelin' sorry fer myself '.
and it's true.
I've been mopey all summer. (and whiny, don't forget whiny, I'm really good with whiny)
I miss my friends, my life, I never thought I'd have to go back to work for this long. I hate that my husband is so unhappy and that our future is so unsettled. A fellow writer friend and I just recently had a discussion about whether true writers are taught or born and he said he was more of a mind that true writers, that is-writers that grab hold of you for four hundred some odd pages or so, are mentally unstable. They've suffered, been alcoholics, druggies, grown children of divorce or just plain malcontents.
To some extent I agree. If I had no pain (and really, who doesn't? at some point everyone's feelings are hurt, everyone suffers from that unsteady feeling that can teeter foward towards depression or backwards towards the decision to change what bothers you) I would have no writing. Not that I write about my pain very often, but it fuels the creativeness that keeps me moving forward. Writing is tough, it's a tough business, it's tough to break into and tough to stay in.
I think the funny stories I tell were once something that really bothered me, but I've broken it down, took it apart and realized if I take myself too seriously, I might always be sad. I just may miss the blessing of my small everydays. I would miss the tiny joys (reading a book with B before nap time, watching K grow up to be such a lovely young lady, listening to A talk to anyone, anytime) these are the real things, the constants and although it's hard to be thankful when I'm watching family and friends flounder and search and even my own husband worry and update his resume' and try to make any connection he can. But I am. I am thankful, I'm thankful I have a job, even when I loathe leaving my family and having no time for my friends or myself. I'm thankful my friends are patient with me, I'm thankful most of all for my ability to work with my pain, but not forget my joy.
I hope your summer is going better than mine even though things are looking up and if you are local, some friends are starting a semi-annual consignment sale shelbyclothesline.webs.com for more info!
best
*R

still the one.

2009-07-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have been promising writing excerpts for approximately a year and so I suppose I'd better make good, this is from my longest WIP (meaning I've been working on it the longest har har)my original project, The ditz gets it done, this is part of the first MURDER scene and I'd love any feed back you have.

Like everyone else I surged towards her, but stop dead when I catch sight of her mint green dress, a lovely summer weight shift, but completely ruined. It was covered in blood.

I fished my cell phone out of my tiny jeweled bag, and dialed 911.
"Las Vegas 911, what's your emergency?" and realized that I really didn’t know, so I kneel carefully in front of Miss Michigan, Samantha something or other, and speak softly, “Samantha, what happened?”
She looked at me with frightened eyes and whispered, “Miss Utah, Kuh kuh kuh karen Ingleton, she was stabbed, I think, there’s so much blood. I mean, I think she’s dead, there’s like blood everywhere.”
My throat closed,and I felt cotton-mouthed but I forced myself to ask what room and transfer the information to the woman on the phone who assured me help was on the way. I snapped my phone shut and wrapped my arm around Samantha and steered her out of the room. I stopped and asked one of the panicky looking security guards if there was a room where she could be alone, he pointed mutely to one of the other conference rooms. We ducked in quickly and left the chaos behind for a moment. The only sound in the dark room was our breathing and Samantha’s stuttered sobs. I absently patted her back while she tried to calm herself.

The sharp iron smell of the blood was still clinging to her and it turned my stomach. When Samantha finally calmed down, I stuck my head out the door, not sure what I was looking for. I stopped the first man who seemed to see me, “Hey, are the cops here yet?” I ask, and the man whips his head back at me, then opens his suit coat displaying a badge. I grin unsteadily, “I have the girls roomate in here, I thought I should get her away from the crowd. She found her” He just looks sharply at me without speaking and pushes past me into the dark conference room where Samantha was still trying to stop crying. He leans down and introduces himself to her, and speaks softly. She smiles shakily and takes the tissue he’s fished out of his pocket. She takes a deep breath.
I stood there, feeling like a sore thumb, trying to decide whether or not to go back to my room and pack my bags and go home, or see if I could lend a hand restoring calm to the mass of what surely by now was a group of hysterical girls. The decision was made for me when the officer swaggered back towards me, behind him Samantha was once again reaching a new level of screeching, he motioned his head towards the door, and we stepped outside. People were still clustered in bunches talking animatedly and some were crying. Marilyn and Grace were nowhere to be seen, but I’m sure they were somewhere having kittens together.

Hope everyone is having a great summer!
*R

My best friend girl..

2009-07-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

I have the extreme misfortune (or the colossal luckiness) to have both a husband and a friend (I would say best friend but in the past year we've probably one spent a total of five hours together) who have the same birthday. On Sunday July 12, 2009 both my wonderful husband and my glorious friend will turn (HMM, should I not say their age? ) 31..oops I said it. As funny luck would have it, my husband actually knew my friend before I did and introduced me to her.

Most of you may even know her as well, she has a great blog of her own, two small children and a husband she adores, but that's not who I want to tell you about today. Because although she is a great lady (one of the best!) she was a fantastic girl.

We met when we were both 20 ( we were soooo 20, 20 has never been so good)and although a lot of our classmates and such were partying and having random encounters with faceless strangers, D and I were planning our weddings.

In the long along year 2000 we were both in school and planning weddings and (although we could have been twelve for all the fanciful ideas we had) we actually executed said weddings and proceeded to move into adjoining apartments.

By all accounts the first year of marriage is hard and although I would never speak for D, I know M and I had some doozy fights as well as some doozy make ups.

We carved pumpkins, exchanged Christmas presents, helped each other pick out our wedding albums while our husbands played Nintendo. We took trips, worked together and played together, got dressed up and went out on the town together (for the record I would love to put a photo or two in here but my scanner is kaput..maybe soon)

We started to plan our families, D and her husband bought a house and moved away from us ( and then we rented a house four doors down) then we moved apart.

We started our families and cried and grew massive bellies and burped together, got gorgeous haircuts and catastrophic ones (mostly me, D's hair is always stellar).

We took a trip to the beach and got screen printed shirts and read trashy novels and missed our husbands and watched some great and awful karaoke.

We've comforted and cried and we've had our moments of apartness.

Right now our lives are on different paths and we don't each other as often as we'd like, but I was standing next to someone yesterday with D's perfume, and tears came to my eyes.

I loved growing up with you, D, you've made me a better person, a better mother and a better wife. You inspire me so much. I hope you always know your true value and worth. Happy Birthday Babe.

As easy as breathing

2009-07-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

I realize I've been quiet on here for awhile, but I have been enjoying every one's summer posts and pictures and just as soon as I find a new camera that can take the beating I will hopefully have something along those lines to share, but although I could wax poetic for a good long time about cameras I'll save that for another day.

Today it's going to be about how easy (and hard) it is to have a good day.

I think I've mentioned that M and I are taking Mondays off together which has been great (although the girls have camp on this day, so it's busy and we haven't been able to do zoo, carowinds, tweetsie, picinic or any other superfun summer activity yet) because after our weekends (I usually log about 20-25 hours and M rises at 5 on Sunday mornings to be in Charlotte before anyone else in the entire city is awake) we need a day. But this week I somehow managed to have both Sunday and Monday off, which is like a mini-vacay for me (us).

M's family had us over for a laid-back swim and cookout.

It was the best day.

I mean it. Not even a hint o' sarcasm.

Our only contribution to the whole affair was ketchup and some chips and dip and showing up.

We swam, we hung out, we chatted. It really was fantastic. Even the morning before we went over was nice.

I can't get over how sometimes you can plan and plan and fix and decide and make, and things just don't work out, but then spur of the moment stuff can go super.

I hope everyone had some relaxing time during the holiday weekend, I certainly enjoyed my day today.

Have a great week all, hope to have some new and exiting stuff going on soon (links to new writings and such...)

best..*R

Summer's HERE! Yay! and OH NO!

2009-06-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Technically, it's only day one of summer at my house.
Technically, I've only had one joy filled day with my revered offspring. I was so looking forward to a more laid back schedule (did I mention we have three birthday parties this weekend? plus I work approximately 25 hours every weekend??) so, birthday present shopping it is. But also..must accomplish some freelance writing, also, tentative house/job/school search in Las Vegas, also...OK, I think you get the point.
The thing is, I've been so exited about summer for weeks..sleeping IN! (No-one told my four year old she doesn't need to wake up Mommy and Daddy ten minutes before the alarm) the kids will amuse each other! (or abuse each other, either way...) Some time with my school age child! (ok, so we cuddled on the couch for about forty five minutes and chatted about being the biggest and then she disappeared into her room for 'alone time'? alone time? really?)I can work out every day! (or not)
I do this alot, I idealize how things will be, even though I know, deep down, it won't be that way at all, as a matter of fact, I will be lucky to make it a week without crazy screaming at the top of her lungs mommy...(GO TO YOUR ROOMS NOW!!!I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!)
I love parenting, I also love the school year. I envy my home school parent-friends right now, because (not only are they awesome, cuz they totally are) but they can wicked out a schedule in a way I never can without someone else dictating it to me i.e. Keegan is here at this time, Leesy is here at this time..and so on..
My point is, it will take me about six weeks to strike a good rhythm and by that point it will be time to start circuit training for school again. At least Mike and I have both taken Mondays off every week for some much needed family time, trips to the zoo, and carowinds (or three hour naps!) I will keep everyone posted about our possible moving status, we don't know much now, but hopefully will soon.
Can anyone help me out with your favorite birthday party (either planned or attended?) and can someone hook me up with a website/blog designer?
Happy summer!
*R

Uncertain certainty

2009-06-08T04:42:00.000-07:00

I think my favorite thing about summer (besides sleeping in, which shouldn't be trivialized) is swimming.
Not to be confused with wearing a bathing suit (see earlier post) I like swimming, but not so much liking the picking out of and actual wearing of bathing suit. I would prefer a bathing muumuu and barring that a bathing tent. And while we have lots of opportunities to swim, friends with pools, grandma's with pools, a backyard with a pool, a Y membership with a pool, I still don't quite manage it as much as I'd like.
It's a great workout and stress reliever and it makes me feel ten times better than say, just elipticaling(?) or walking/running (ok mostly walking) on the treadmill.
Which again comes back to the bathing suit thing (which I won't exhaust but lets just say, you can't swim actively with my current suit)
But mostly, I said all that just to say...I love summer.
Or, I usually love summer, right now it's more of a I love summer but
As in...I love summer, but it's a bummer not to know where we need to enroll Keegan.
I love summer, but it's a bummer not to be able to look at houses or make an offer on the one we're in.
I love summer, but it's a bummer that most of our vacations this summer will probably revolve around job interviews.
I love summer, but when the future is uncertain, it's clouds the whole sunny affair.
Please think about us as we wonder about the fall and where we will land.
I hope we know something soon.
*R

A subject anywhere, sometimes you just know.

2009-05-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

Dieting sucks. I'm just saying, it would be much easier if you could eat more food or if you could oh, i don't know exercise less. Then dieting would be loads of fun. You know what else would make dieting fun?

Chocolate.

or Carbs.

or hey some chocolaty carby combination?

chocolate covered pretzels?

chocolate dipped pound cake (PS. this is a real thing, I discovered it at the Asheville Mall on Tuesday at a fantastic kiosk called, (believe it or not) chocolate covered..)
Dieting would be ideal if it involved more chocolate, carbs, and sugary treats.
I love sugary treats.

and to be honest, exercise isn't bad.
When I'm in shape, but sadly, each workout only serves to make me realize how far from where I once used to be workout wise, I mean I once ran for fun, miles and miles (oh, OK mile)

It's just the eating, or lack thereof, that bothers me.

Once I discover an all you can eat chocolate/carb diet, where only minimal exercise is necessary, then I should be good.
Because honestly, I'm struggling, I work with food every single day, good fattening food. And I'm in a rush, every single day, so what happens is, I get in a rush, and then I end up eating fattening not so good for me food in a rush. (Chocolate, carbs, sugary treats)
Now, I should go..cuz well, I'm hungry.
*R

Love me, Love my technology

2009-05-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

Never having been the most technologically advanced person, I am never happy to embrace a tiny machine that may or may not be smarter than me. I was reluctant to switch to digital camera from film camera, ask people who knew me, I was all, it's not like a regular camera, how can the quality be just as good? I'm a big whiny baby, I don't want to learn how to work something new, I just got the hang of my film camera.
Then my husband, who thinks he knows better than me, went and bought me a digital camera, and then I was all, where have you been all my life digital camera? I love you with your endless storage and ability to never print bad pictures of my enormous backside and chubby pregnant face.
So I was wrong, once.

But it couldn't happen more than once, right?

Impossible.

Along come the Blu-Ray disc, and while this is more my husbands area than mine, I still managed to resist the Blu-Ray/Plasma/high-def thing for a good while, I used the whole 'remember Laser Discs? this may not last either...blah, blah...'
Not buying it, again my husband the smartie, was like we need a new TV anyway and look at the pretty flatness...ooooo ahhhh..and while we're at it, let's get the blu-ray..look, you can get 'Twilight' on blu-ray (smart guy, that husband)
So, now I totally heart the flat screen and blu-ray...so clear! so pretty! So flat!

And, well, I was wrong...twice...what are the odds?

But I couldn't possibly be wrong a third time.
Everyone I know has a blackberry (ok, like six people, but they include my brother and husband, so they count like double right?) and although I liked them when other people had them, when we went to renew our contract, I was like oooo look at the pretty phone, but it's so expensive and unnecessary, but sooo pretty.
Get it, says smartie husband.
No, says I..I'll just get...
Just get it. says husband rolling eyes and getting phone helpery person and pointing to blackberry storm...get this for my wife he says..and before he can even start going on about how he was right about the digital camera and then video camera and blu-ray disc player, blah..blah..
I got it.
And even though I hated it for about twenty minutes (I couldn't even figure out how to make a call, much less search the net) I soooo heart it now.
Long story short..although I often resist change, once I get comfortable with it, I dig it.
which i guess means long story short..I'm a dummy.
But at least my phone is smart.

Bad Parenting : The advanced courses

2009-05-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

When my kids were teeny tiny (you know for about ten seconds after they were born) I made minor mistakes, not letting them cry it out was a big one. We were terrible about this with Keegan, our oldest. So terrible, in fact, that for about six months Mike or I slept with her on the couch. We took shifts, he would sleep first shift, then when she woke up to nurse, I would feed her then lay back down on the couch with her.
This ended around the time we wised up and realized that really nice crib set and actual crib were for something other than diaper storage and extra laundry basket space.
We were considerably smarter with babies two and three who arrived within sixteen months of each other and out of necessity, were a bit less spoiled.
But now that they are older I feel like it's big mistakes that I'm making.

Big Mistake One: Auto Pilot Mommy.
When I hear Mommy, Mommy, Mommy for the four hundred and twelfth time in an hour, I start to tune out and I hate that. I start to respond with MM-Hmm, yes, oh how nice. I also sometimes say yes to things I might otherwise veto early on. This can create a bad situation later on, But Mom said we could jump off the porch into the fountain and have hot fudge sundaes for dinner, and frankly I may have agreed, but as mother, ultimate power of changing my mind lies solely with me, so soccer and fish sticks it is.

Big Mistake Two: Pushover Mommy
I get so little time with my babies lately that whenever I spend time with them I indulge them almost everything they ask, and I have a horrible time saying no, even when it's obvious I should. I know this is almost as toxic as always saying no, but I feel so bad and I just want to not upset them, and well, it sucks, but it's true.

Big Mistake Three : Screaming Mommy
I recently read in one of my parenting mags, (I have a stack of at least twenty magazines that I haven't even cracked yet, so this advice may actually be over a year old) that screaming and loosing your temper is not good for your children's self esteem (who knew?) but at least once a week, I completely boil over. There is no excuse, ever, but you've been in a car with arguing toddlers before, right? he touched me, she touched me first, her foot is on my seat, i had that toy first, can I have a drink of your drink? I sometimes wish I had one of those limo privacy screens, then I could chose what I wanted to hear in the car.

Big Mistake Four (and Five, possibly)
The easy open snack.
Again, no excuse is reasonable, but I have three kids to get out the door in the morning, and although I include the banana in the easy open snack/breakfast food category, I still sometimes fail miserably at balanced breakfast 101.
Cereal without milk in a baggie for portability: check
knock-off brand nutra grain bars with box of raisins: check
Fruit snacks and cold bagel: check
nutritionally sound start to the day: fail
thank goodness my children take a vitamin.

As a Mom I take my children's mental and physical health seriously, that being said, I know that I'm never going to be perfect, and most of the time that's pretty funny. I hope that either I'm not alone in my crazy parenting mistakes, or at the very least you can the humor in such situations.

Sorry I've had a crazy month, but more on that later, I'm hoping to have an excerpt from some of my writing ready soon, so keep checking back !
Love *R

Rhianna and the NY Times: A love story.

2009-04-24T05:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl with beautiful long, flowing flake free, frizz free hair (what? it's a fairy tale, let me have my long flowing fantasy hair) and this girl was in LOVE with the NY Times: Sunday edition.

she was all like, NY times:Sunday edition, where have you been all my life, with your impossibly long ridiculously successful people wedding announcements and Art section that makes me want to hop the red eye to NY and mingle among the creative and broke.

and the NY Times:Sunday edition was like, I'm so glad you're willing to pay four hundred dollars for one Sunday edition and then lug me home(thus completing your weight lifting for the day)

and she was like , well, that is true, you are expensive and heavy...

and the NY Times:Sunday edition was like, BUT the book reviews you heart the book reviews, right? what would you do without your forty-five minute fantasy about seeing your book reviewed and or advertised among the lucky published?

and she was like, well, NY Times:Sunday edition, I'm not sure if you've heard of the Internet, but there are all sorts of free and random book reviews.

NY Times, Sunday edition scoffed...(yes scoffed, what of it?) Random? Free? Is this what you want to cuddle up with? Random and Free? How would you like your five dollar latte to be random and free? (free yes, random notsomuch) How would you like your cell phone service to be random and free. That's how you pick up viruses and diseases, you know.

Girl laughs maniacally, OH NY Times:Sunday edition, I didn't expect you to be so defensive and bitter.

and then NY Times:Sunday edition got mad....You're just like all the rest! Newspapers will be obsolete if you stop reading us, I'm begging you! Your children won't even know what is was like to hold and smell a newspaper.

Girl: I'm sorry, there are just easier and more time effective ways to get my news and entertainment...I'm sorry, you will always be my first.

NY Times:Sunday edition sniffles..There's a great review this week about the new Columbine book...only available in PRINT.

Girl..let's not prolong the inevitable NYT:SE...we had some good times and some bad (remember the paper cut?)

NYT:SE...that wasn't my fault..it was the advertising department.

Girl...I have to go..You were fun.

NYT:SE...What If we ran coupons again?

girl, swishing her long flowing flake and frizz free hair, too little too late..now where can I can some wi-fi love?

To conclude, I used to be all, I heart you NY Times:Sunday edition, and now I'm like NY Times:Sunday edition? When did you gain all this weight? Where are my comics? Where are my coupons? Where oh where is the love?

Plus, is it not just easier to google the book reviews I want to see?
Next week..Rhianna and Google: An Affair to Remember.
*R

And then I broke my leg...

2009-04-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

**DISCLAIMER: No leg breaking actually occurred this is a gross exaggeration of some crazy things that happened on vacation...

So we're home.

Which is awesome, but also sucks, because it's means that we are at the farthest point from our next vacation.
But, again, is awesome, because it's so nice to be home when you've been away. The beds were terribly uncomfortable and the fridge at our first house sounded like Snoopy's airplane.
Oh? and also?
the hot tub? NOT so hot.
Really barely even tepid.

the managers of said property were more than happy to jet some maintenance men up the mountain to fix our problems for approximately three hours and seventeen minutes. When the refrigerator cranked back up and instead of Snoopy's airplane sounded a little more like rocket ship landing site.
Oh? and the hot tub?
Approximately seven thousand degrees.

So, we call, again....and they moved us. To a house with a working fridge and warm hot tub. And we were glad, because we paid for a house with both a fridge and hot tub, but we were already two days into our vacation. and a little peeved that we had to move.
But the second house was really nice, if also a little rundown (which, when compared to basically ghettofied, is fantastic)but in the grand scheme of things still kind of sucks when you shell out hard earned money for what you assume is a well-upkept rental.

and next time, when we go to Gatlinburg? We'll stay somewhere else, thanks.

We did have a great time, but I hate being those high maintenance people who demand stuff but sadly I can't sleep at a rocket launch site, and the hot tubby fun-ness is diminished a bit by skin falling off bone.
(and the pool table? one leg was broken and had been splinted back together, very nice!)

I hope everyone had a great Easter!
*R

Hello life, it's me Rhianna, are you there?

2009-04-07T06:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Life,
Remember all the fun things we used to do together? We used to sleep in and skip classes and get our nails done and see movies?
What happened? I still think about you all the time, I daydream about our weekend trips to the beach, about our late night dinners out, about our shopping for everything and nothing.
I can't believe you would just up and leave me because I got a job, I mean, I know I work long hours, and sometimes I'm only home for about five hours before I have to go back, but you could call, you could write, you could even send me a text message if you wanted. I'm here.
I would say I'll wait for you, but I have my pride and I would hate to think you've found someone else. I know you think my job is more important than you, but you know how it is to be an adult, I still want you, I just want other things, too.
I don't understand why we can't at least be friends and hang out once in awhile. I was good to you, right? You remember the good times?
Well, since I haven't heard from you in a bit, I'm going to assume you need your space.
But, call me when you can, I'll be here...leave a message if I'm sleeping.
*R

Sleep, Interrupted

2009-04-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

The truth, I've started a blog every day this week, and then I'm bored with reading it myself, so I'm cramming my whole week into one day, so sandwiched between No-worries Wednesday and Fat-free Friday, I will cover all the basics, 1.countdown to vacation 2. lack of much needed sleep and 3. whether or not I'm actually sticking to my diet/workout plan (oh, if only there were actually a plan)
Eight more days until vacation! Eight LONG LONG LONG days until we pack up the car and head off for the mountains, and although I'm exited (our first real vacation in over a year!) I'm also dreading the inevitable packing, unpacking and various sleep issues the kids will have. Not to mention the various upsets of exhausted children on vacation. But still, so EXITED, super exited. I just wish I could transport our whole house into the rental house and then back. Instead I have to try to figure out what the kids will want most and just well...start packing.
2. for some reason I can't seem to squeeze in more than three or four hours at a time. Just talking about it makes me tired.
3. Fat free Friday ( a whole day early!) I actually worked out three whole days (well, not the whole days, but you get the point) three workouts..and then I was so hungry I was like hello sugar cookie where have you been all my life, so I'm not sure if that's progress or a two steps forward three steps back type situation or what. But I'm working on it. So that's that. As far as writing life is concerned Bla........(loosely translated means when I have ten seconds to myself, I mostly just want to sleep.)
Otherwise, things are good...this is my last day off before I work the next seven or so..for vacation money...so, I probably won't blog again until around Easter, but I hope everyone has a Hoppy Easter..
*R

Like elevator music for your mouth.

2009-03-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

So it's time to once again get serious about my health. Which means no more ice cream sandwiches for breakfast. No more McDonald's for lunch (even my go-to McDonald's diet item, the snack wrap has more calories than is strictly necessary for a meal). No more eating dinner at midnight, or nabbing fries from the kitchen at work. No more loading up my sweet potato with extra brown sugar and honey butter.
NO MORE.
Which means no more of the food I LOVE. Because, honestly, the food I love?is all really fattening. And the food I loathe?makes me skinny and healthy.
It's hard to work in the restaurant industry, especially in a restaurant that serves the most unhealthy food in America (cheese fries, in case you're interested in expediting the clogging of your arteries).
Not that there aren't healthy options, our vegetables are fantastic (um, and swimming in butter)and our fish is flavorful and low fat, (and apparently good for things like brain power and muscle development) but when faced with options like chicken smothered in bacon, mushrooms and cheese or fish..grilled fish, I tend to choose the fat laden chicken. I know it's bad for me, I know, at my age (ouch) I need to be more choosy about what I'm stuffing my face with. I have heart health problems on both sides of my family and weight problems with the women. I need to get health serious and put down the melty cheese fork.
And I do like working out, I just wish it weren't such a pain in the neck to get the kids ready to go, then drop them off, then pick them up...blah blah..
I also have the double kick in the face of my husband 1)being naturally slim and 2)actually preferring grilled chicken to double bacon cheeseburgers. It would be so easy to hate him sometimes.
But alas, it's not about him, it's about me. About my lack of motivation to shed the last twenty (mmm or forty..five) pounds from childcarrying/childbearing and childnursing. About my preferring pizza to celery and fat free cream cheese.
All this to say, Fridays will now be fat-free Fridays, and I will divulge the ulgy truth about my current state of diet. I won't scare you with actual poundage/sizeage, but I will try to share good diet recipes (a rare animal indeed) and hope to motivate anyone who needs to get real (pardon the Dr. Philism) about their health.
So day one will actually be Monday, I always have to start on Monday's (part of my linear thinking for some reason), but I won't post til friday about how I did. I've already cut out a lot of caffeine (really tough, really really tough for me) switching from four (or six) diet dr. peppers to tea and flavored water.
Wish me luck.
Now where did I put those ice cream sandwiches?
**R

the blog will set you free

2009-03-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

So I figure if I do one thing every day towards my writing future that's good right?
Progress, yes?
And of course I count blogging cuz, well blogging is technically writing and well, any writing is good writing?
NO.
It turns out, not so much. Not when you have not so arbitrary things like deadlines and self imposed goals and such (crap, total crap)
I like to blog (in theory, I like to write, but I also like things like sleeping and eating and really what is the priority?)
Blogging is like visiting my friends, letting them in on the things they've missed (hello friends, we've moved, I have a new tatoo on my foot and Twilight is the best movie ever even if my boyfriend kisses another girl in it. He HAS to, it's for his WORK, so I understand.)

and so whereas blogging is fun and easy, writing is sometimes hard and well, work like.
I want it so badly, but it's so much work sometimes.
I'm not sure if I'll get to make a living writing, so few people do, but I can't imagine it will be easier if that does happen.
Maybe if I think of writing like blogging I'll be OK, but somehow I don't think I can fool myself into thinking that. It would be a little like trying to tell myself broccoli is chocolate and well even though I like broccoli and chocolate, well, you obviously can't substitute one for the other. Neither can you mix them together (believe me, I've tried crazier things)
So, for now, I'll settle on my tried and true consequence and reward system, (coincidently the same one I employ for my children works for me)where I only get to blog if I write seriously.
And I guess, well, that will just have to work....for now.
**R

Rhianna by the numbers

2009-03-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

17-days until much needed, long anticipated vacation

3-number of times I've watched 'Twilight' in as many days

87-times I've considered changing Ailise or Keegan's name to Bella

88,312, 602-lurid vampire fantasies

3-amount of home-made sweets brought to us by new neighbors.

6-things I've attempted out of my comfort zone.

1-number of flat screens purchased.

1-butt expanding from fascination with flat screen and free sweets

412-number of times children warned that being sold to circus is imminent.

2-number of times I called the circus to see if this is an actual possibility

12-the minimum number of boxes left to unpack.

6-number of times I yawned while writing this

3-times I reminded Keegan to take her water bottle to soccer practice

1-number of water bottles forgotten

12-times I've sung our ridiculous birthday song at work in the last three days..Happy happy birthday, our birthday song is short..hey!

30-number of minutes it's taken me to write this post.

and now...
1-the times I'm saying I'm done.

*R

There's a helicopter in the bathroom

2009-03-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

We've moved, (but not unpacked) I've finally seen 'Twilight' and Keegan starts soccer today.
Life is a chaotic sort of normal. I say normal, but it's really kind of horrible sucky right now. Mike and I are both working five or six days a week, and so our kids, our friendships, and our lives are suffering. We're both exhausted and some days we only see each other in passing.
Our normalcy has become something very different from our year ago regular lives.
Like a lot of American families we are adjusting to new routines and sparser schedules.
I know on some levels we are far luckier than a lot of people.
We are struggling sure, but we both have jobs, we have a small savings and a vacation planned. Life is just, sometimes...really hard.
My days are long, and tiring, and I'm having to lay aside some of my dreams for now, for our family.
So when I got up this morning to find a helicopter in the bathroom I smiled. My kids are still normal kids, despite how I sometimes feel as if I never see them. They still go to bed on time (thanks, Dad)and feel as if the whole house is their toy box.
When I'm worried that it's too disruptive for me to work, or that they need me more and their Grandmother or Dad less, I think about helicopters in the bathroom, and how someday our normal normal will be back.

Watch this Space.

2009-02-11T06:50:00.000-08:00

So, I've not exactly been superblogger so far this year(let's be honest, Dr. Phil style, when am I ever?) But, I actually have an excuse, WE ARE...da du da duh (that's a drumroll) MOVING! It's a big change and superdifficult with three kids, a job, a spot on the PTA, a new promotion, a book in progress, three meals a day to get on the table and a partridge in a pear tree, but that's how it goes.
We've had almost five years at this house, so I'm pretty nostalgic, what with bringing two new babies home there and celebrating milestone anniversaries and what-not, but I couldn't see us there for the long term so we needed to look elsewhere.
I'm sure everyone out there is aware of the ridiculously horrifying state of the economy, so we're not alone in our quest for the bigger better deal.
Pray for us, and keep us in your thoughts as we endure one of the suckiest things I can think of, realizing how much crap you actually have.
PS, I'm working on an article for a parenting mag and would love some antidotes about snowflake moments (the moments with your kids that go by too quickly but are so beautiful they hurt almost.) If someone has one to share I'd love to hear it.
Hope we'll be settled soon.
R

Dear Cedric Diggory,

2009-01-08T06:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Cedric,
I like calling you Cedric, because well, that's how I first came to know your royal cuteness. This is not to detract from your overall appealling nature. (Which I just realized could be misread as appalling, but I digress)
Now, Cedric, as you know I am married to the cutest boy in the world (blantant phrase stealing from sweet potato queens), but that doesn't mean that I can't have celebrity crushes.
I know a lot of people will know you as Edward from Twilight, and that's fine, some people may even call you Robert (since you know, real name and all)but again, I prefer Cedric.
It seems, Cedric, that I'm not really getting to my point and that's not true at all, I'm just enjoying writing a fan letter, because well, I never really did that sort of thing when I was a teenager (may account for the general nuttiness now). So, you see, I do actually have a point.
Cedric, what I'm wondering is, 1.how does your hair always look like you just rolled out of bed, did you, in fact, just roll out of bed, or is it something that you take hours to perfect? and 2.do you wear lipstick?
I'm curious because, your lips always look all kissable and plump and well, this is not exactly the way boys lips generally look.
I'm just asking.
Please don't misunderstand, I like the messy hair, sexy lips look, it would just bother me if you were all contriving to look so mysterious and sexy.
In short, are you naturally all cute and stuff or do you try really hard?
Much love, Rhianna
PS. do you still have the teeth from the movie?
What? I'm just wondering!

heavenly ham, holidays and hoopla

2009-01-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

It's over.
The balloons are loosing helium, Dick Clark is back resting in his Malibu mansion, and the Christmas tree is dried up and droopy.
Yes, the holidays are officially over.
How do I know?
Two reasons,
1. I'm counting my money and these two pennies are very sad indeed and
2. my children are gearing up to open their very own Lawndale Toys R Us.

(oh, yeah, and I turned thirty, no more mention will be made of this, take note)
In no particular order I'm going to do what I do best and make a list of my favorite holiday moments and least favorite.
First..
The best
1. My brother just about loosing his mind trying to get the Steve Miller Band live DVD/CD at our annual gift exchange. (the same could be said for my Mom, Dad, Seth's girlfriend Shannon and my sister Jessica, but Seth made the biggest a@# of himself..and therefore, made me laugh the hardest.)
2. The ham and ham glaze from Thanksgiving..(thanks for the recipe Rob..ps, if anyone wants a good glaze for their ham, I'll post some post holiday recipes next week)
3. Cheesecakes by Ashley (uh oh, is it a bad sign that two out of three are food?)
4. Having my Mom and my Dad healthy for the holidays this year.
5. New wine glasses, spending time with family and finally having a good book light.
6. Getting to bake with my friends, working has put a huge time crunch on my girl time and having a whole day with my buddies was awesome.
The worst
1. 'Hi, Mom, is three oh twelve too early to get up?'
2. Surprise you have to work Christmas Eve. PS, you have to close.
3. Surprise you have to work on New years Eve. PS, you have to close
4. Fixing your brakes will only cost the approximate same as buying a new refrigerator..MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ok, That's it...I'm doing so far so good with my resolutions, I hope everyone can say the same.
I'd love to hear your best and worst holiday moments and check back often, I'm hoping to post twice a week this year!
Happy New Year!
R

AWESOME AT 30

2008-12-29T15:37:00.000-08:00

SO while my wife is at work I decided to post aq few reasons that she will be awesome at 30.There are tons but I am going to just hit the high ponts.
First,yes You are 3 tens,2 fifteens and 10 threes,but You are also half of 60,a third of 90 and a mere quarter of 120(typically people dont make it to 120 but You gave 3 examples and I wanted to follow suit.
You so rarely answer "I DONT KNOW" as it is because You are easily the smartest person I know.There are occasions that I have gotten the I dont know response but on all of those occasions I made up one or more of the words in the question.I did that to make them unanswerable.
As for the fine lines and wrinkles,You must need new contacts or something.I am yet to find a fine line or wrinkle and I'm really looking.(TENTPOLE)
Just a couple of comparisons between 20 and 30 year old You:
20 year old you was funny but 30 year old you is absolutely hilarious.You make me laugh more than any 10 other people put together.Anyone who reads Your blog regularly knows what I'm talking about.
20 year old you was a great person,30 year old You is one of the most genuinely kind caring and loving people I know.Not because You are supposed to be but because that is who You are inside abd out.You at 30 are what most people spend an entire life trying to be.
20 year old you no kids that adore you.30 year old You 3 kids who couldnt love You more.20 year old You wasnt an incredible mom(just a future incredible mom).One reason I married You was because I knew You would be a great mom but you have exceeded every hope I had for that.Thank You.
20 year old you was hot,30 year old you is,well lets just say You put 20 year old you to shame.When we got married people were like "she married down".I think Jim even mentioned it in the vows.People now think You picked me up from some agency that matches fuglies up with beautiful people to try to keep them humble.

I think You should be pretty pleased with Yourself at 30.I know I am.Your the greatest wife and my very best friend.I LOVE YOU.
Happy Birthday a little early
M
p.s. thats blackjack (tentpole)

Turning 30 for dummies.

2008-12-29T05:29:00.000-08:00

The big day is upon me. All year I've been very cavalier about the whole situation. Of course turning thirty doesn't bother me, maybe forty will.

Um? For the record?

I'm a big fat liar.

I'm 30. (well, in two days)

Three tens.

Two fifteens.

TEN threes.

OK, enough with the multiplication tables.

The truth.

Thirty bothers me.

Bothers me in that I thought I would no longer feel like a kid. Bothers me in that I thought I would no longer have to say 'I don't know' to questions (to clarify, I didn't think I'd be a know it all, I just thought perhaps some cosmic intelligence might osmosis it's way into my thick skull)Bothers me in that I haven't been all the places I'd like to go and done all the things I'd like to try (apparently you drop off the planet at age 30, who knew?)bothers me that my skin is having some sort of flashback to 1993 (thirteen or so) but add a few fine lines and wrinkles.

It also bothers me that It bothers me.

Dude, I love myself so much more.

This year has been great for me self actualizing-wise.

I've been more honest with myself than previous years, I've been more soul searching and less quick to judge, more ready to forgive.

In a lovely twist of kismet, my birthday falls on New Years Eve, (guess who gets to work on her thirtieth birthday?) so I get to make my resolutions and grand declarations all on the same day.

Early on, I said I was only going to do two, possibly three resolutions this year because, well the more you do, the more disappointed I tend to be when I fail miserably.

My first draft o' resolutions

1. Write every day (even if for only fifteen minutes)

2. BE more healthy (i.e. take better care of myself) which I finally decided was too broad, not specific enough and too easy too interpret into something not very difficult, which I'm going to be honest, I do too much.

So, on to second draft o' resolutions and grand declarations.

1. Write every day. (even if only journaling)

2. Exercise and cut out (most) caffeine.

3. Take vitamins.

And, while this is very specific, I'll be honest. NOT very exiting.

And as we all know, getting exited about resolutions is what it's all about.

Ahem, third Draft of Grand Declaration and Resolute Truths.

1. Write Every Day.

2. STOP eating crap, and drinking crap.

3. Reward myself. (now, this is something I can really get behind, idea wise)

Ok, obviously, it's a good thing I have two more days before I have to be certain of resolutions.

I'd love to hear about your resolutions or what you love and hate about your age.

Happy New year.

Hands down? Favorite thing about the holidays this year? (Besides the joy on the munchkins faces and all that jazz.) Ashley's homemade cheesecake. Good stuff.

PPS

Totally didn't make it on the reading fast, must pick less stressful month, maybe February? Er, March?

Falling in love is the easy part.

2008-11-26T04:13:00.000-08:00

I'm already done with Thanksgiving and it's not even here yet officially.
We've done one dinner with my Dad and Step mom and that end of the family, and that was at MY HOUSE, so I'm done.
No more turkey/pumpkin pie/ham/overeating 'til I puke for me.
Ok, that's a lie.
Just like all the other holiday's I really love thanksgiving. I love hearing what people are thankful for, and although it's mostly the usual suspects (husbands, wives, children, friends....), it is what people are truly thankful for, and I can understand that.
Here, in a blatant copycat move, I will list my top ten things I'm grateful to have in my life.
10. A job. Despite all the criticism and guilt, I like my job, and am actually good at it, and it's helping to keep us afloat right now.
9. Humor. I love the fact that even when times are tight, and stress is high, Mike and I can still laugh (at each other, at some random movie, at a goofy comedian) It makes me feel more equipped to cope.
8. A hobby. I like having a creative outlet (or several) into which I can funnel my frustrations.
7. My mom and dad. Both experienced health crisis' last year and the fact that I still have them around is not only a gift, but a blessing as well.
6. Human rights equality. I know a lot of people are displeased with the election results, and I know President-elect Obama is not completely African-American, but he's halfway there and to be a part of a generation that has accepted equality to this degree makes me proud. (I would have been prouder of a woman, but OH WELL)
5. My children. I am, at best, a mediocre mother, but I love my children fiercely and believe with all my heart that they are amazing, wonderful little beings.
4.Friends who 'get me'. I have always been lucky with friends, and right now I have a tightly woven support system that keeps my head above water when I'm drowning in responsibility.
3. Civil servants and Military Personnel. Almost every day I talk with someone who has a family member who is deployed or who has been deployed (or is getting deployed). Although I'm not a fan of the war, I know it is a noble duty to protect our country and the freedoms we hold dear. Also, as the economy becomes more uncertain, crime generally rises, and I have a brother who is a police officer that I'm both thankful for and terrified for. Please give your officers the respect they deserve, just like teachers they are not paid their worth.
2. Saturday Mornings. Mike lets me sleep in since I usually have to work late (and even if I don't) and I look forward to that extra forty five minutes (or three hours) all week.
1. Mike. He's my best friend and an amazing father. His worth to me is beyond measure and there are no words for how much I adore and admire him. I'm proud of him for who he is and our lives together.
Happy Thanksgiving.
R

The Writers Diet (my next..er first bestseller)

2008-11-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

I love to read.

Which is good. You learn things from reading.

I started reading around age four and I remember piling my books around me in my bed and cuddling with them as if they were my lovies. On more than one occasion I've been informed that my reading is a problem, from statements like, 'You'll never have a real life if you keep living in those books' or 'Your brain doesn't benefit from you reading a book over and over' (this second statement was a TEACHER, that's right an EDUCATOR told me to not read as much. As horrified as I am to think about this as an adult, I was mortified as a child.

The thing here is, I never thought my reading was a problem.

I love it. Like I said, I honestly believed that reading opened up worlds to me that I'd have never been privy to otherwise. Worlds from time long since past and places that only exist in other authors minds. I love that my daughter now loves to read, that I don't have to force her, and that she (almost) loves the new book smell as much as I do. I just love it, I love the thrill of having a new book that I have waited and waited for and cracking it open with some warm tea, a couple cookies and a cozy blanket.

But lately, when I should be writing, I've been reading.

I know that most great writers read a lot, but in theory, most great writers actually write at some point as well.

So, my pledge.

Starting Monday November 24th, I will NOT read For a WHOLE MONTH.

Thirty days.

NO READING.

NONE.

NO READING THAT ISN'T ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

for thirty days.

Thirty L-o-o-o-o-n-n-g days.

I'm getting light headed, is the room spinning?

No reading until Christmas Eve.

A reading diet, when I can hog out on turkey, ham, pecan pie and various other evil but delicous foods.

So here what I need from you faithful bloggies.

(bloggettes is a little sexist, but I do like it better)

Don't recommend a book or several books to me unless you are prepared to sit by me AA sponsor style and talk me down from the ledge.

Don't ask me about what I've read lately and if my eyelid starts to twitch step away slowly.

Expect me to cheat and love me anyway.

So hopefully I will be churning out mass amounts of writing this upcoming month which means updates on WritingMommy and I will of course keep you posted on my progress with not reading.

Happy Thanksgiving Turkies!

I ran from spam and new things I'm loving

2008-11-10T07:07:00.001-08:00

So, if you have a blog you know how it is.
You send your million random thoughts (in my case, seventy or so) out into the blogverse and then you wait..

and wait...

and wait some more.....

For a comment on your myspace, on the blog, when you see someone who has commented on your blog, and then it comes..a COMMENT!
VALIDATION!!
CONFIRMATION!!
SOMEBODY LOVES ME!!
I HAVE AT LEAST ONE READER!!
The joy....and then..

the heartache.
IT was SPAM.

UH. About VIAGRA.
I suppose the fact that I get spam should flatter me (it doesn't) but VIAGRA?
Do they read the blog?
Honestly?
Pampers or a chocolatier would be much better served to spam me than Viagra.
I'm just saying.
and although I have a great poem about Viagra (and the kajillion rhyming words, Niagra..ok maybe one rhyming word) I will spare you and move on.

TV I'm Loving despite the fact that I only really watch adult TV one day a week.

1. The style networks new reality show Ruby.
This lady is amazing. I believe the show only started last night but immediatly I identified with her struggle. She's funky and beautiful and is four hundred pounds, get the tissues, it's that awesome.
2. True Blood On HBO...I know the last thing we need is another freakin vampire show, but the male hotness on this show + the outlandish fantasy storylines keep me hooked. ONLY TWO EPISODES LEFT!
3. Ace of Cakes. I know that naysayers say who can watch a show esclusively about cake? ME ME ME!! I love this almost as much as the challenges on food network.I don't know how you can be rock and roll and a pastry chef, but Duff makes it work.
4. My old favorites, My name is Earl, The Simpsons, and THE SOUP.
Ok, I'll watch paint dry if they amp up the drama!
Don't rot your brains!!

OFCourse I'm FINE!!

2008-11-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

Hope the onset of the holidays is not causing seizures of anxiety, because I know I'm fine!
I'm totally not worried about when to bake, put up the tree, roast the turkey, make the pancakes, wrap presents (er..buy presents.) order holiday cards.
I mean, just looking at my abbreviated to-do list is not making me want to run away for the holidays for a nice vacation to oh, say, Tahiti, where I'm almost positive Christmas, Thanksgiving and the entire brouhaha of the holidays is more um, how do I say, laid back.
Because here's the thing,

the one thing that's most important,
spending time with people you love, and letting them know you care.

And I know that, I do.

Totally.

but the thing is,

I still feel the pressure to DO all the things that well, frankly, I'm not sure why I do.

Well, I know why I send out cards...duh, so I can brag about my cool family. I know why I bake cookies. To create lasting memories with friends and family (that disappears in the time it takes my family to devour them)Plus, I like cookies.
But why do I kill myself will all our other commitments?
Because that's life? It's just what's expected of me?
That come the day after Halloween, we turn into tinsel be-decked chickens sans heads and proceed to run willy nilly in every direction?
Well, not me!

I know, right? What am I going to do? Boycott one of my favorite holidays ( a note to people who do not know me, personally, I love all holidays, boycotting one or two may actually do me some good)
No, I'll just keep complaining until I fall into my bed (flannel snowman sheets) some time in January and sleep off the madness.
Here's hoping you have some sanity time!

Do it, girl

2008-10-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little girl powery today.
And let me tell you why.
Women are awesome.

I have so many awesome women in my life who continue to amaze me with their strength(s) and talent(s).
I read in the Charlotte Observer that over 11, 000 women in Charlotte alone participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the cure. Over 11, 000, dude, like WOW.
This is quite literally women saving other women's lives. (read more at www.komencharlotte.org) are we awesome or what?
Of course there are women like Sarah Palin who are paving the way for future generations of women who want to be political and mothery and have good hair all at the same time.
The big drawback here is that women tend to do so much for others that they don't do quite enough for themselves. So here is your job Mommies, ladies and girlies of all kinds.
Do one kind thing for yourself. Take a bath, get a manicure, pedicure, massage, new book, new sweater.
Do you love something that's too expensive? ask yourself if you would hesitate for one second spending that money on your children, husband, parents or boyfriend.
Then why hesitate spending it on yourself?
You're awesome women!
Now go out and feel it!

Seven Years ago Today.

2008-09-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

(NOTE:*should have been posted yesterday, but something wonky was going on with blogger)

Seven years ago today I was

One month away from finding out I was going to be a mother the first time.

Apalled and horrified.

Petrified.

Still not watching regular programming.

calling everyone I knew to see if anyone had been traveling.

wondering if we'd ever catch the bad guys.

Today I'm-

A mother of three who still is wondering if we're going to catch the bad guys.

There are a million tributes to the needless loss of life on 9/11, let this be a million and one. There cannot be enough said about the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, some body's to someone who are no longer with us.

I have always been fiercely proud to be an American, and I hope that you all take a moment to remember what is was like to be a part of a nation falling apart seven years ago, and to realize how far we've come and how far we have to go.
Have a great day...R

Long time no blog

2008-08-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

I think it's this way with everyone this summer with the notable exceptions of those people without children or children who are of age to amuse themselves without maiming themselves, I mean, I can barely find two seconds to bath (don't get too close and thank you Bath and Body Works Body Spray), much less blog, write, breath, eat or um...oh yeah, that distant memory sleep. So far this summer I haven't.....
1. won the lottery.
2. died my hair green.
3. officially potty trained Leesy.
4. figured out how to find some energy.
5. even started tagging my fall weeruns stuff.
6. found a cure for any diseases (though I faithfully donate my dollar anytime they ask at the grocery store, restaurant or gas station, but how can I be sure the wierdo behind the counter didn't go to Kinko's and make some hearts/clovers/hand prints himself just to raise beer money?)
7.gotten a bad sunburn.
8. read half my summer reading list (I did finish the Harry Potter's good stuff, that)

But, I have....
1. made some great new friends
2. got a great pedicure (see color here)
3. kept most of my appointments
4. remembered to take my vitamin.
5. decided to move to Tahiti indefinitely
6. moved on from my obsession with karaoke to being obsessed with karma (I like K what Kan I say?)
7. tried to pull my daughters teeth out while she's sleeping.
8. discovered a new way to sleep with eyes open, well, it's called being awake and is really nothing like sleeping. Will keep you posted on results of staying awake for days on end.

Summer as we think of summer is officially grinding to an end, we've registered for dance, I have PTO meeting tonight and we've begun making family labor day plans....but I LOVE fall, and hopefully will be V. productive concerning my writing come September. We will see.
Hope everyone is well....R

Cute Shoe Events

2008-07-15T05:45:00.000-07:00

So there I was, at some random shoe store on Friday, contemplating the most adorable pair of peep toe pumps, complete with embossed cherries and snazzy ankle straps. I had tried them on (twice) regaled my husband with the why's and why nots of purchasing such impractical shoes. I mean, on one hand, we all need a little frivolity, but on the other hand, even such adorable footwear would surely only languish in my flip-flop/tennis shoe/ barefoot world.
But.

YOU know.
They were ON SALE.

ON SALE is kryponite to my very shopping soul.

I am generally of the mind that if it is NOT ON SALE, then it will be shortly and I can just wait. Then if it is gone when said item goes on sale, then well, it was not meant to be.
But shoes....shoes are a pump of a different color.

Before M snoozed off, I decided NOT to get them.
I mean, they were truly REALLY cute shoes. They made my ankles look not so baggy and elephant like (see earlier post) and my toes look tiny and feminine, but I honestly don't have that many cute shoe events in my life right now.
We have some friends we meet for dinner (like once every four months) and there are our monthly (ok, more like every other monthly) dates, but even then, you can only justify so many pair of new shoes (and believe me, I've tried) we have a company Christmas Party, (peep toe pumps probably not appropriate esp. with cherries)
And then it hits me,
in the middle of random shoe store,
MY REALLY CUTE SHOE events have mostly all passed me by.
And this makes me so sad.
My prom, graduation, bachelorette party, and actual wedding (THE cute shoe event) have all passed.
Is it possible that I need to inject cute shoe events into more mundane things?
I think it is, even still, as I purused the non-slip ubersneaker collection, I had to wonder, what in the world happened to the girl that had seven hundred pair of underwear and thirty to fifty pair of shoes?
Of course we all know that her feet and butt expanded and she is built more for comfort than speed at this point, but before I say no to all peep toe pumps in the future, I may think about making PTO meetings a CUTE SHOE EVENT after all.
Best. R

Baggy elephant ankles.

2008-06-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

So this is probably the ninth or tenth time I've started to blog only to be interrupted, loose focus, be distracted, think of something more pressing, get a phone call, text message, email, IM or random communications that demand my time or attention.

But I am hoping to make that up to you all now.

It sounds as if every one's summer is whizzing by at breakneck speed and mine is no exception.

We've already done the beach thing, the family thing, the recital thing, the swimming thing, the many playdates thing and both M and I working thing resulting in about twelve minutes a week together (and Um, we're asleep).

I'm sure that their are busier people than myself (I'm sure there are, as a matter of fact, but you know sometimes how you feel like you're one of the only people on the planet who is moving at the speed of light while everyone else is meandering towards a sunny place?) That's me, under the desk.

Ok, you got me, it's Tina Fey, who undoubtedly has a heavier schedule than myself, but has the good grace to only have one child (admittedly, the kid looks like a handful, though, am I right?)

But other than the ridiculous lack of sleep and obnoxious amounts of 'I told you so' from my one true love, I'm good.

I do have several 'So there I was waiting on these people when....' stories that I'm anxious to share, but I have been tagged, so I'll deal with that first.

Where were you ten years ago?

This is interesting because I was working for Outback ten years ago, working towards my degree. If I'd stuck with Outback, it's possible I'd be running one.

But, I wouldn't have the joy of my children, or my husband so Ce' la Vie..

Five things on your to do list today..

(really, just five?)

1. Laundry

2. Mom's bday lunch.

3. Power bill, bank, Post office (that's one, right?)

4. Dinner with Rebecca

5. Movie date with hubby. (oh yeah, change sheets..hehe)

Snacks I enjoy.

Let's be clear, if it's a snack, I enjoy it.

What would you do if you were a billionaire?

Well, I hope I'm never a billionaire, because I think I'd be a terrible rich person, but if I had to take it, I'd take M to Ireland, the kids to Disney, Myself to Monte Carlo, Barbados, Hawaii, I'd fix my teeth (and possibly my breasts), I don't even know really, I can't even fathom that kind of green.

Places I would live:

I'm not sure, I love it here, but maybe closer to water? The lake?

And now, I will not pass on the taggage, but I did have fun..

and now a list Target Diva style of the things my customers (drunken or otherwise) have ACTUALLY SAID to me.

1. Can I have some more ranch?

2. Your teeth need bleaching.

3. Wow, you've got baggy ankles. (oh, yeah? you can tell that through orthopedic non slip shoes, ankle socks and bell bottom black pants?)

4. Seriously, more ranch?

5. What's with all the pins?

6. Is there dressing on this salad?

7. Is that your natural color hair?

8. Did you remember the ranch?
9. Those uniforms aren't very flattering are they? (not actually no, not unless you are approximately the size and width of a clothes hanger and then ooooo pretty!)

10. Can I have some more ranch?

Have a great week guys, thanks for all the emails and calls!

Will be posting a BRAND NEW excerpt at Writing MOMMY by weekend!

Cellulite Shadows 2 ( or there I was crying in the dressing room at Wal-Mart)

2008-06-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

So, you guessed it.
I left my bathing suit quest to the last minute.
I was left with two choices.

1. No swimming.
2. Swim in old stretched out unsupportive bathing suit.

or

3. Buy new bathing suit.

So, today in the midst of all the going out of town preparations, I had to also find a new bathing suit.
which i loathe.
have i mentioned that?

So I go. Because the days of lazy waiting are over.
I go to My Sisters Closet, where I am hoping to find a decent suit for cheap.
Can I mention that there are three way mirrors in the dressing room? Three way mirrors are NOT MY FRIEND.

NOT. MY. FRIEND.
AT. ALL.

Ok, so back to bathing suit mission impossible.
I couldn't find one there. And after three more stores still no top fitting and bottom fitting bathing suit.

Sometimes I feel like my head is on someone else's body.

Long story short, I did find a cute cheap bathing suit that will work(um, hopefully) until I can have more time.

Why can't I wear shorts like a boy?

off to see the wizard. have a great rest of the week.
R

Come on ride the train

2008-06-11T05:48:00.000-07:00

I rarely do this, because I could go on for hours about my kids, but we went to Tweetsie for Thomas the Tank Engine's Magical Mystery Tour (*not the real name of the tour) and it was, for once a completely wonderful experience. My husband is not a fan of theme parks, or heat, or being out in the heat at a theme park. But, for our kids, he's generally a really good sport and pretty much up for anything.

Our prior theme park/ outdoor adventures have been somewhat lackluster and a teensy bit less than fun, but this time it measured up to the hype.

We'd been to Tweetsie with K and A once before (let me mention here that A was two months old, which means I was two months post partum and still recovering from major abdominal-having-baby-through -opening-in-stomach surgery) so even the most fun thing (say, shoe shopping with someone else's credit card while eating chocolate) would have still not been superfun.

If you've been to Tweetsie you know that it is ALL UPHILL. Now there are ways to get uphill without walking, for instance a chairlift, a bus, a trolley and of course, walking.

We had a double stroller and foolish delusions of granduer, so we walked (it's only like a quarter mile or so, but still ALL UPHILL) the last time we went there were no options for the uphill trek other than the chair lift, which was out for me and A, so of we go up the HILL, I swear it took us an hour to get up that hill last time (MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY, PEOPLE) but this time, Mike and I are flying up it like we have wings. (so proud of ourselves we were)

But that's not all, not only did we wow everyone with our athletic prowess, but we were smart enough to get an early morning ride (uh, only about six hundred other people had this very same idea, BTW) so we were done with the park by the time the temp was really cranking up.

B was a little wary of how loud the train was, but other than that good times were had by all. A loved every minute and was not whiny, fussy or otherwise moody for most of the day. K was fascinated by the gem mining and managed to get not only herself soaked but her sister and her brother and the bottom half of her Nana as well. It was OK, though, because she cheered herself up with a sucker as tall as she was.

We made it home by bedtime and while the kids conked out we ordered Applebee's.

Good times.

Cellulite Shadows

2008-06-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

Shopping for a bathing suit.

Just let it sink in. I know, it's madness. My favorite suit is the Miraclesuit (lose 10 pounds in ten minutes!) It's no joke, it takes ten minutes to get the sucker on. But it makes me not so flabalicous. or at least look not so flabalicous.

But alas, even they don't last forever, especially if you buy them on eBay.

Now the time has come to purchase a new one.

Sigh.

Sadly, my body does not seem to have gotten any less cellulite ridden or stretchmark mapped since I last ventured into the lycra jungle.

I try to remind myself that even supermodels have something that they hate. So and So-acova hates her mole and how bony (???!!) her legs are. So and soblondeamericanfromthemidwestwithperfect teeth hates her 'flat' hair.

Me? Everything from the neck down.

and sometimes the neck up.

You may think I'm exaggerating.

Nope.

I want desperately to like myself. I don't want to pass on my debilatating self- loathing on to my beautiful daughters. But I digress. Bathing suit.

stat.So here I go, eBay shopping.

and I find a bathing suit.

and I like it.

I presume it will fit, because, hey the last one fit.

Um, not so much.

with the fitting.

or covering the needs to be covered.

sigh.

again.

So I'm off again to the races.

Literally, I have a week and a day to procure a bathing suit and I fear I may have to pay full price.

I won't even tell you what full price is, you can check it out here. Only if you dare.

Let's just hope I don't end up the night before we leave at K-mart crying like last time.

Lucky and Waiting

2008-06-08T05:49:00.000-07:00

Has anyone noticed I like to begin my posts as if I'm in the middle of a conversation? It's true, I do. I feel the blogworld is my friend (for the most part) and I take advantage of that friendship sometimes to vent, to snark, to gnash my teeth and scream, to make wry observations. Just like everyone else who blogs I suppose.
One of my previous blogs on MySpace was about why I love to embarrass myself. To recap: I'm good at it, (if there is a wrong thing to say, count on me to come out with it, but I'll torture myself endlessly, so don't worry about blessing me out) I generally learn something and well, it gives me a little humility.
So after only a week on the job, I've waited on or delivered food to several people I know or am acquainted with. The reaction is usually shock.
Not from my close friends who know and with whom I'd discussed going back to work at length, but from people like the girl who helps with my daughters dance classes, one of the kids teachers, and a nurse I used to work with at the hospital. I get a lot of...'You WORK here?'
Uh, yeah, that's what the uniform is for.
What I want to say is either, NO, I don't WORK here, I dress up and PRETEND, fun game right?
OR YES, I DO work HERE, but I DON'T HAVE TO....( and then go on to explain the reasons that I choose to do a job that a lot of people consider demeaning)because it was pretty obvious these people felt sorry for me, in one case a parent of one of the other girls in K's class left me an almost twenty dollar tip. I'm sure she may be just a good tipper in general, but twenty on sixty dollars?
If I could I'd wear a shirt that says,
I'm so lucky.
So so lucky, I don't have to do this, my wonderful husband supports us well, but I need grown up time, and I even though I've had great jobs with really good benefits, those jobs tend to come home with you. Waiting tables stays at the restaurant.
Plus I'm good at it. I really like meeting new people and working in this environment means I meet new people every half an hour or so.
I like having cash. I like having something that's just mine.
I like buying my husband gifts with money I actually earned.
But I like staying home, too. And IF I choose to leave this job it's definitely not as big of a deal than if I worked somewhere with few employees or somewhere that I was heavily depended on.

Unfortunately, I can't wear a shirt that explains all that, so I generally just say, I'm working for the summer or working to help pay for Mike's birthday trip. Which is true, once school starts there will be no way I can work five days a week.

I think waiting tables is a perfect name for what I do by the way.
I am waiting.
I'm waiting to sell a book or short story or article. I'm waiting to figure out my groove.

I'm not embarrassed, though, except for when people seem embarrassed for me, then it's hard not to be a little dismayed.

Just one of those things I suppose.
R

Floprocks and Emo Trainwrex

2008-06-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

SOOO, I've been busy lately.
Not too busy to read up on some of my friends posts. One that really stuck out to me was Rebecca at the Engineers Falcon, read her most recent post Here.
I think she really speaks to peoples hearts (esp. Moms and Women's) in this post. I just wanted to say that this is something I had a really hard time with not so long ago.
I would go to bed and before I could relax I would count the things I forgot to do. I told Keegan we could color in just a minute, I would read a book in just a minute.
Just a minute was my go-to phrase. But now, more often, if they want me to sit down and read or color or watch a movie or play cars or kitchen or dress-up, I stop and at least play for a minute. I can't always, but when whatever I'm doing can wait, I stop and just hand with the kids. They won't always want to hang out with me, so I need to take advantage of the time they do give me.
On to other things.
I was not a screaming raging Cruella DeVille this month, but I was a complete Emotional wreck. I cried when my favorite dance team did well on America's Best Dance Crew, or when I saw footage of the finale of American Idol. (and I wasn't just crying about the state of reality TV in America, although, what is UP with that?) I cried when Brady was sweet to his sisters and when he was mean. You get the idea.
Well, I didn't bust out in gut wrenching sobs, more like, eyes glistening hicccupy crying, but still. Crying.
So, obviously, even though my hormones are more mild, they're still having issues (not issues that can be helped my email order drugs, but issues nonetheless)

Now, for Target Diva, the Floprock edition.
Mike and I were watching the Mask last night and it really made me think. How did Jim Carrey's career survive making such crap movies?
The Mask, Ace Ventura (and didn't he do a SEQUEL?)Liar, Liar. ( I could go ON, but I won't, and you don't have to tell me that these movies weren't technical flops, they did great at the box office and all that, I just mean they were totally stupid story lines and yet...look, MONEY!)
Yet, he still manages to hang onto the A list.Is it because he's dating Jenny McCarthy and all her activism, or is simply doing funny voices for animated flicks enough to keep him afloat?
I hate to be all feminist (um, I don't, I totally don't) but if a women (well, not Cameron Diaz, but any normal non bionic woman) had made such wretched straight to DVD flops we'd be looking for them on Celebrity Fit Club or Dancing with the Stars, and even that couldn't breath life into their dead careers.
What really got me going on this was, the detective in the Mask was in a huge movie the seventies, a little flick called Animal House, but he's not done a whole lot since. Which of course made me think of Karen Allen, who was also in Animal House as well as Scrooged, but that was the EIGHTIES for pete sake and now Where is she??
Ok, so she's actually in the new Indiana Jones movie, but other than that
where has she been??
alright, I give up.
I'll just say, celebrity trivia gives me a headache.
Celebrity gossip? Yeah!!!
Celebrity trivia? boooo!

So, the job goes ok, except they're scheduling me for like FIVE days a week, which, in case you're wondering, is NOT part time. But, I hope I'll get it straightened out.
R

ten minute window the argh!! edition

2008-06-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so if you're wondering how frazzled I am...
I just posted today's post for HERE over at WRITINGmommy, please go over there to read my ten minute post that has now turned into twenty minutes of Why did I even start with this????
R

A funny thing happened on the way to my life.

2008-05-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a great weekend.
I worked, which was cool, I want to work. Although, somehow, it's easier (and harder) than I remember. I trained Thursday and Sunday and Saturday I expo'ed (which is getting the final touches on the food (honey mustard on the side, butter on the potato, that sort of thing) and ran food and was a general helper. It was nice, even if I do feel like the token old person(not true, several people are older than me, I just feel that way.) I didn't expect to find work so quickly, so I'm dealing with end of the school year stuff (and dance recital hoop-la) on top of a brand new work schedule.
On top of which, I'm getting a ton of flack for working.
I do understand. I mean, I'm really lucky. I don't HAVE to work. It isn't about the money at all. It's about me having grown up time, and feeling useful and productive in the process. I have a ton of great friends who I'm fortunate enough to get to spend scads of time with (more often than not, however, we can't finish a two minute conversation due to various I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, she hit me, where's my shoes? -type interruptions.
I am also aware that with my education I could do more than JUST wait tables. But, I like it, it happens to be good money and it won't make me stressed out and sketchy when I am at home.
There are a lot of reasons someone decides to do things, but the simple truth is, I needed something else. I thought about taking a class (I still might do that) I thought about volunteering (ditto, I love to volunteer) but I LIKE to work, I just do.
I love staying home with my kids, but for my sanity, I need to get away from them to appreciate them.
I won't work forever probably, and honestly, I'll probably only work here and there after school starts in the fall, but over the summer, after all three kids, all day long, it will be a relief to get in the car and listen to grown up music for half an hour, and then work more (maybe I should have taken a class!)
I didn't mean to get snarky, but I really think it's unfair to judge some one when you have no idea what's going on with them.
So, it's un-necessary to send me emails telling me that it raises my children's blood pressure when I leave them (for the record, they're with their DAD or their GRAND MOTHER, not a STRANGER) and that any job I have with take away more than it adds to our family.

(stepping down off soapbox)
whew! Sorry 'bout that. I just had a few nasty emails and wanted to address them. Along the same lines, I am going to try and respond to people's comments. I love reading comments on some blogs and I'd like to start that here, if possible.
I had an interesting thought this weekend while I was writing.
When are you at your best?
Are you at your best when you've had enough rest? (ok, sorry, I had to)
or when you're being challenged, are you at your best under pressure?
I'd love to hear when you're at your best.
I think I'm at my best when I'm sleeping. (ok, just kidding)
I'm at my best when I can meditate before I do something. If I have to just start, I usually falter, but when I can mentally prepare, I do so much better. I do pretty well under pressure (now that I'm older and my temper isn't such an issue!)
So, when are you at your best?
Have a great week!
R

Lee-ving On a Jet Plane.

2008-05-23T06:02:00.000-07:00

First things first-

Denver Brunch Bake-
(note: this is NOT the actual recipe this is how I made it for MOPS on monday)
2 tbsp butter, melted
1 loaf french bread (loaf bread is fine in a pinch)
4 oz cream cheese softened
3/4 c. milk
1/4 c. all purpose flour
6 eggs (yup, six)
1/2 tsp all-purpose dill mix(this is a pampered chef product, you can use dill for pickles or leave it out)
1/4 tsp. salt
4 oz deli baked ham (about a half a pack)
1/2 c. onion (I used a little less, sometimes not at all)
1/2 c. shredded cheddar cheese ( I actually use about a cup)

Preheat to 375,
Mix all this mess together (eggs first is best) except butter and bread, pour in 9x9 (8x8 is fine, add 5 min to cook time).
Slice bread and soak in butter and line side of pan, bake 30-35 minutes.
Serve warm (also, may add red or green pepper, sliced green onion or mushroom depending on taste)

I think that's everything, please email me with any questions.
Last night was my first 'training' night at work, and after almost three years with Outback, it just doesn't change that much. It was cool, and it's nice to have 'training' time to get back into a groove. However, it sucks sooooo much to work a table completely by yourself and then someone else gets the money.
Grrr...
I don't like training anyway, I always feel like I'm in the way (uh, because I am) and you don't want to step on someone's toes..blah blah..
Along the same lines, new shoes + first night on feet for five hours=yucky blisters and painful toes.
Ok, I know better, yet somehow, I felt I had no choice. This is not true, I knew like a week ago that I'd need NON SLIP completely black shoes (and given those instructions, how did I not rush right out to snap up a pair?) but I didn't get them until I AB-SO-LUTE-Y needed to get them, so of course I'm shoving them on my feet as I'm walking in the door and then peeling them off five or so hours later when they've created a new and interesting shape for my foot.
Thanks Wal-mart, for creating a shoe that is both non-slip, hideous and so painful I may as well wait table in high heels.
The good news (and isn't there always some good news!) is that I have a day recover, then I have to wrap those suckers around my feet again.
Another cool new thing about the 'NEW' improved Outback is online scheduling (I can also get text messages when my schedule comes out woo-hoo!) so no driving to Gaffney or calling and begging someone to give you your schedule over the phone.
Brilliant. Some one some where was totally on the ball.
So, I logged on to make my (actually more numerous than I'd originally thought) requests and realized that even though we aren't doing a 'set' vacation, we are travelling quite a bit.
Which is nice, but also a bit scary with gas prices so crazy, it makes a huge difference in what you decide to do and how much you can do when you get there.
yuck....
IN I LOVE IT I LOVE IT, I SO SO LOVE I REALLY DO news
who saw this during the idol finale?
David Cook the winner the super fantastic winner is first and the only one worth watching (if you're an Archuleta fan, he's cute and all...but just not American Idol matieral, more like doing voices and singing for Disney matieral)
Also, if you aren't a fan of Guitar Hero, you will be after you watch.
Have a great weekend.
R

I love DRIVING!

2008-05-22T04:42:00.000-07:00

I don't actually love driving. I used to love it, when I first got my license I adored the feeling that when I got into my truck, I could go anywhere (and I could, gas was way cheaper back then, you know, in the dark ages) now driving is more a duty than a pleasure but that didn't stop me from LOOOOVVVVING Jess Riley's debut, Driving Sideways.

Today, live and on the blog, Jess Riley herself was kind enough to drop by for a little soiree' in honor of her new book. Sit back, have a drinky-poo, and read on for the most informative interview questions EVER!!

Ok, we're here at the hottest launch Par-tay of the season with Driving Sideways author Jess Riley, somebody get Jess a drink! Jess, first things first, who are you wearing?

A sandwich board advertising a local vacuum cleaner repair shop. Actually, I’ll tell you the glamorous, jet-setting truth: my comfiest slippers, a workout outfit that hasn’t been worked out in properly for some time, and lots of residual dirt from working in my garden all day.

Perfect, now, if you were getting a famous kidney, who's would you wish for?

Hmmm…I feel very fortunate to not be in that position, but I’ll tell you—if I needed a new kidney, Keith Richards wouldn’t make the list. Maybe I’d wish for Cillian Murphy’s…but if I received Cillian’s kidney, I’d walk around blushing constantly. (Because of the, uh, recent proximity and connection of said organ to his … um, well, you know….)

I have to say, Jess, you are glowing. Now, what is your favorite thing about the writing process?

Thanks! See, I knew something positive would come out of growing up near massive power lines. I’d have to say my favorite thing about the writing process is finishing. No, actually, I still can’t get used to the fact that someone liked a story I wrote enough to pay me for it so they could share it with other readers. That part is pretty freaking cool. Also (and here’s a serious answer for you), I love when my characters take me in directions I had no idea they wanted to go. That feels like absolute magic.

Convertible road trip-top up or top down?

Top down, but only on the back roads. Top down on the Interstate sounds like a recipe for never combing my hair again.

Hmmm, I am intrigued, what's on your Ultimate Road Trip mix tape?

Oooh, I love this question!! I actually just made an iMix of songs I listened to while writing Driving Sideways or mention in the book.
Here's the link.

Fabulous, now are any of your characters based on real people, any situations on real life experiences?

HELL, I’d like to introduce you to YEAH. My protagonist Leigh’s best friend is a massage therapist based on my best friend Cindy…who was an AMAZING sport about it, because I do poke some gentle fun at her new-aginess. There are also tons of anecdotes I lifted from life (the truth or dare game with the pube incident? True.), and a run-in with an ex-boyfriend very loosely based on some of my exes. Well, one of them, really. And he should be very grateful I didn’t give his fictional counterpart a tiny penis.

That is funny! and so true! What's up next?

I’m currently working on novel number two, which takes place in a medium-security men’s prison. I taught in one in college and felt the setting was absolutely ripe with potential for dark humor and fascinating storylines. I don’t touch on the inmates much—it’s actually a story focused on the staff, featuring a social worker in a wheelchair who falls for a teacher who falls for a guard. It also deals with getting over one of the worst kinds of romantic betrayals. I just figured out how it’s going to end last Friday. THANK GOD.

OK, well I'm sure we'll all rush out for our own copies and copies to give as gifts...and so on, by the way, does this cake make me look fat?

You’re so sweet! Thank you so much for chatting with me and plying me with drinks. And no way does that cake make you look fat. It’s a scientifically proven fact that the larger the slice of cake, the slimmer we look holding it.

Everyone, Go, go, go to your nearest Amazon or bookstore and scoop up driving sideways, it's the perfect combo of hilarity and heart tuggyness. I really loved it.
Thanks to Jess for stopping by, we hope she can get the cake out of her hair, and we wish her MUCHO sucess ....
R

Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

2008-05-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

I just finished one of Jodi Picoult's fabulous books, Vanishing Acts, and as per usual, I'm floored. I'm amazed that she keeps coming up with brilliant ideas and executing them so flawlessly and brilliantly. I also feel a kinship because she has three children and a husband with a full time job (he did retire early recently to help, because of her overwhelming success)
This book had an interesting theme (all of hers do, I recommend Nineteen Minutes) a father had kidnapped his daughter and was only arrested after she had grown up and was an adult. He took her for a lot of reasons, but the main one was that her mother was an alcoholic.
Alcoholism is thick on one side of my family and I struggle to understand how a liquid could be more important than a child. I'm sure that addiction doesn't make that distinction, but sometimes I wish it would. I won't be tedious with the details of the book, but it's definitely worth a read.
On a happier note, my kids continue to be hilarious and comedy club ready.
My middle daughter, the Queen of Drama, is far more verbal than she rightfully should be.
She and her younger brother (not that much younger) are constantly mistaken for twins.
A few days ago, as we are strolling into the Y, she and a lady began conversing about all manner of things, not the least of which were the fact that she and YB were twins.
Q of D: We are not twins, I'm so much older than him (not true, only 16 months separate them, but apparently in her mind, it's eons)
Nice Lady: I see, what's your name?
Now, how many times have I told my daughter to not share her name and her brothers name with strangers, no matter how nice? At least a bajillion.
Q of D: Leesy Finnegan. And this is Brady Michael Finnegan.
OK, again, this is why I've not taught Leesy our address and phone number. Not that strangers understand all of what she says, but still.
Nice Lady: And where are you from?
Q of D: (I'll note here that Ailise had her are you stupid? look on, she adopted from her older sister who brought it home from school. I wish she could have just brought home the flu like a normal kid) I'm from Jesus, where are you from?
At least her Baptist Preschool teaching is sinking in, although, I'm pretty sure the lady thought we lived on Jesus St.
MOPPERs, I'll post the denver brunch bake recipe later in the week.
Also, don't forget to check out writing MOMMY, my works in progress blog, I love to hear what people think.
And, I will have Jess Riley here ON THURSDAY, I'm very exited. Her new book came out this week, and I'm honored that she's going to be a guest.
I also would like to thank all my friends who've linked my blog to theirs, I'm met some great friend of friends, and it's been really nice.
MORE NEWS
I'm back in the land down under (OUTBACK) for the summer at least and although I'm just waiting tables, it's a grown up job, out of the house so I'm pretty exited. Come visit whenever you can, I'd love to see one and all, plus you can visit the Yellow mall and snatch up all the deals.
Ok, I should go, there's mutiny afoot.
Hope every one's having a great week.
R

Whack sing Poet tic.

2008-05-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

Can I just say how much me loves the spell check?
Because I do, do, do. So much. Spell check is my friend. And it's not that I'm a bad speller necessarily, just that I constantly second guess myself.
I do this a lot in life too, not just my writing. I have many moments of panic hysteria when I think, should I have just said that? Just because I think it, does that automatically mean I have to spurt it out? Yes, it does.
I eat foot.
A lot.
Yummy, toe jam.
Am I proud that I just wrote a whole paragraph on how much I love spell check? UM, not so much, but hey on the bright side, I'm not cleaning my toilet!
So seriously.
Is anyone else concerned with the mass of celebrities 'writing' cookbooks? And they are bestsellers! Cookbooks!
I'm all for the cookbook, I went through a phase early in marriage, pre rugrats when I bought up all the cookbooks I could find. Bisquick cookbooks, Asian fusion cookbooks, crock pot cookbooks. I was horrible.
I've sold most of them on Ebay, because they were threatening to mutiny in my kitchen and I didn't want to deal, so I kept my favorites, which incidentally are those cute fundraiser cookbooks that people contribute their fave family recipes to and compile and cute little cheerleaders/cub scouts/people in wheelchairs sell to you on Saturday mornings when you are innocently trying to buy other people's junk at yard sales.
But, never in my life...I'm sure it started before Jessica Seinfield and her Deceptively Delicious madness, but for some reason this irks me more than others. Who among us has not snuck something into our children's food?
This is not an original idea people! As a matter of fact, several years before Mrs. Seinfield pitched her idea, a regular Parents' magazine contributor wrote almost the same exact book, with several of the VERY SAME RECIPES! But her book did not get featured on Oprah, or on Letterman. Sigh.
I'm not sure what ole Jessica did before she married Jerry Seinfield and started reproducing madly, but what qualifies her among all the people who have written countless articles and even the very same book?
Oh, yeah, she's married to a millionaire.
Right, she needs the money.
And now, Katie Lee Joel (who looks just as young as Mr. Billy Joel's daughter Alexa Ray, but is, in fact, his wife) has 'written' the Comfort Table, you guessed it, a cookbook.
Is she a chef?
A nutritionist?
A food Savant?
Nope.
She is from a good southern family, which traditional southern recipes to share.
Oh, yeah, and she's married to a millionaire.
Totally qualified.
Ok, enough of my bitter rant, I'm moving on.
I'm going to give Bill Gates a call, see how his marriage is working out.
If this whole writing fiction thing doesn't work out, I'll hook up with a bajillionare, 'write' a cookbook, and sit back and wait for my royalty checks while getting a mani/pedi/facial.
Good times.
R

Party over HERE (it could mean cake, people)

2008-05-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a good Mother's Day weekend, I for one feel like I've been hit in the face with a shoe. (toothache, I haven't actually been assaulted with footwear)I relaunched Writing Mommy, so my excerpts will be exclusively over the-ah, feel free to visit, comment, or to be just plain voyeuristic, and lurk.
Now, for the random book review portion of the month.
I told you it was coming and NOW, I'm delivering.
Next week I'll have Jess Riley, her Brand Spanking NEW book will be coming out on Tuesday May 20th (though it will not be available at TAR-Jey until June 19th)
It's called Driving Sideways, and I'm superexited because the chapter excerpt on Amazon promises big fun and big suprises. If you have time shoot over and pre-order or you can wait to be intrigued by our fun Blogstravaganza next week!
We will be having a launch party her at Target Diva, so I want everyone to crank up the White Stripes, pop open a bottle o' somethin' somethin' or mix a nice sweet daiquiri and prepare to tell your Road trippin stories. We are gonna get buck wild up in here. (Ok, honestly, probably not so wild, but fun stuff, seriously, superfun) Stop by, you just might get a super bag o' swag or just win a free book.
Jess will not just be here, but she'll be all ovah, so look around you never know where that crazy girl might be.
As school winds to a close, my oldest ankle-biter gets more and more anxious about the onset of
'actual summer'. She needs daily updates on 'when the pool will be open?, and when can I stop going to school for a while?.
Which I am going to be OK with, because she's done really well this year, and she's allowed to be a little disenchanted at this point.
I won't lie, however, no pre-school, play school, actual school, or dance classes leaves me in a bit of a bind. I will have ALL my kids, ALL day long, FOR two whole months.
eek.
Maybe I should look into dog kennels.
joking, joking.
I'm hoping now that all progeny are mobile units, we'll be able to spend some time outside this summer, and not hide away as if we are allergic to sunlight, and might sprout unsightly fangs if exposed. I wasn't much of an outside girl as a kid, much preferring to lounge in the shade with the latest 'Sweet Valley Twins' tome and squeal when anything with legs, antennae or freckles came anywhere near me. But now as an adult, I appreciate a little fresh air, and of course the ability of the outside to calm even the most savage toddler.
I'm stocking up on suntan lotion and hoping for the best.
(The best being I'm not institutionalized on Day Two of summer)

R

It's a bird, it's a plane...

2008-05-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

Nope. It's a mom.
She can fly, she can swoop, she can clean the dishes while tying a loop.
(this, my friends, is why I gave up on poetry)
OK, so I was not a fan of Mother's Day for a long long time. It only served to remind me about the things I did not have. I had certain things in mind about what Mother's should be. In the motherhood lot, I did not get my wish.
It's no secret that my Mom did not stick around. It's a hard thing to deal with the person who manufactured you not wanting you. Or not wanting to be with you enough to fight for you. The commercials around Mother's Day would make me scornful and envious, everyone else's mother cares, and yet....not me.

Now, that I'm older and I have a slightly more clear view of things, I adore Mother's Day.
I always wanted to be a Mother. A mother and an underwear model.
At least I'm a mother. Not only that, but I can appreciate My Mom for who she is, not for what she isn't. I can appreciate my stepmother for opening up the world to me.
My Mamaw for unwavering prayer, and constant support.
My Grandma for the show tunes and killer use of red lipstick.

And I know that Mother's Day is not just for women who gave birth.
It's for the aunts and sisters who read bed time stories and give good advice and love with all their heart.
It's for your friends who are fighting the same three a.m. fights you are and love you even though you have bloodshot eyes and a short temper.
For the network of women who will not judge you when you're fighting your two year old over a sucker, but instead give you a sympathetic smile and a wink.
Mother's Day is for your children to celebrate all you mean to them.
It's for your husband, who made you a Mommy.
For your Dad, who loved you and made you strong enough and smart enough to parent in your own right.

To everyone who has at some point been called Mommy, Happy Mother's Day.
To everyone who hasn't, the same.

Warm and Fuzzy Rejection.

2008-05-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

My first rejection letter was when I was around fifteen. I entered the seventeen young writers contest and well, because I was not quite 'with it', I sent in a handwritten six hundred word masterpiece ( I believe the word count min. was 1200). All my hopes pinned on my story of a girls first kiss and first tattoo (unbelievably the same day!) Anxious, hopeful and a little sick to my stomach I checked the mail every day. When the creamy white envelope from seventeen finally arrived I was giddy with joy. I got MAIL! from a MAGAZINE! that everyone I knew READ! I'm pretty sure my hands were shaking as I tore open the envelope and......you guessed it. Ms. Treadway...we regret to inform you....

I was heartbroken.
I had already fantasized about telling my parents and throwing it in my brother's face and bragging to my friends....
But it was not to be.

Fourteen or so years later, I'm still no stranger to rejection. I've hit on strangers who laughed in my face (ok, that was once and I really don't want to talk about it.) my kids have spurned me for their father countless times and I'm pretty sure that even my immediate family doesn't like me sometimes.

But.
Finally...Finally FINALLY I got a rejection letter with positive feedback.

I'd submitted two short stories to Harlequin back before the end of last year for ePublication.
Months and months had gone by with no word and I assumed just like all my other submissions, it wasn't even good enough for a form rejection, or it got lost in the mail.
Two days ago, I heard from Mary-Margeret Scrimger, an associate editor at MIRA (an imprint of Harlequin) actually heard from her, a personal email to me from her!!!

She said my story line was strong, but some scenes were unbelievable and the character introduction was weak (I'm paraphrasing)
She also said that they strongly advised me to continue with my writing, and they would love to see future submissions.

I know, it's still a rejection. And I'm still pretty heartbroken (I was proud of this particular story) but honestly, this is THE BEST rejection I've gotten. She told me what was good (strong, original story) and what was bad (far fetched scenes and watery dialogue). I can use that to make my other stuff stronger, as well as reworking this particular story for resubmission.

I still get a warm feeling just thinking about it.

Hope everyone has a great Mother's Day, I do have a post for mother's but it will have to be later today or tomorrow...
Best R

messy and unexpected

2008-05-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

OK, so random book reviews are going by the wayside for a bit, in light of Mother's Day being right around the corner and all.

Recently, I was filling out some formamajig and one of the 'questions' (I'm using questions, because really we all know they are not questions, more like passive aggressive statements, but, I digress) was

Describe yourself in two words.

oh Crap.

oops, was that my two words...shoot.

You surely see my dilemma, I'm many things, but a women of short and sweet I am not.

If anything, I need two words to simply begin describing myself.

I thought long and hard. Realistically, it was like two seconds because if I was given time to think about something, I overthink.

Which of course, is what I'm doing now.

My two words were Messy and unexpected. Now, I do realize that messy to one person is not necessarily messy to another. I didn't mean sloppy messy, I meant happy messy.

I meant that given the choice of cleaning the living room or playing kitchen with the monster brigade, I would mess up that play area even more because my kids mean so much to me. I meant that if I had to choose to load the dishwasher or listen to one of K's original arrangements, I would give her the same attention I intend to give the American Idol tour.

My children are young still. And so am I. (well, relatively)

They won't have me to tea always and I won't always get to be their biggest fan. One day, I'll be the last person on their list instead of the first.

But, I didn't get to say all that. I just said messy.

Sometimes you have to say it all with one or two words and this is not me at all. I'm not sloppy messy (most of the time, or on purpose) I like when my house is clean, but I love to hear one of the kids say Thanks Mom even more.

Unexpected, well that one is a lot easier.

I have several paradoxes to my personality, due to my unconventional childhood. Which, while I was in it, hated, but now that I've grown up and gotten over it, I really loved.

So I am, Messy and Unexpected.

But, I'm also, Late, but reliable

Fun, and serious.

Devoted and wishy-washy (ok, is this one word? or two?)

Now that I'm approaching thirty, I appreciate who I am.

Someone who can't be described in two words.

Am not Crazy..Am Hormonal. is good excuse.

2008-05-02T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Rhianna***,

Hello, Hope you are doing well, It's good to see that you still don't resemble a bus backing up when you wear an yellow sundress. I hope you are starting to feel a little bit better, but if not, please consider antidepressants. (Yeah, drugs!) We can send you a FREE month. That's thirty pills for NOTHING*. If you'd like to be in on this exiting ground floor opportunity, all you have to do is fill out this easy form (please include current credit card number, children's names and social security numbers and last will and testament).

Thanks in Advance.
Random big name drug company...**
*UM? hello? why do you need my credit card if offer is free?
**Can you see crazy all the way from new york city?
***names and some identifying details have been changed to protect innocent.

Dear Money sucking economy ruining spam mailing Pharmaceutical Company***

Am not crazy, am mother of three children under the age of five.
Am only fat because cannot find time to eat well and exercise (and quite frankly, like food)
So, you and "FREE" product do not tempt me.
Also, am uninterested in quick fixes for mental state, am just fine two weeks out of the month.

Thanks after the fact for your concern****,
Rhianna

****is sarcasm.
PS. Am girl, last time I looked so I have every right to be crazy.

did they really think spamming me for my CREDIT CARD NUMBER would work?
Sadly, I'm thinking they did, and that someone may have actually fallen for it.
Do you think they'll only say I'm mad cuz I'm crazy.
Good thing I'm a lunatic, otherwise, I might be concerned.
R

And another thing I just don't understand.

2008-04-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

Not really sure what's up with all the space in my blog yesterday, I hope it wasn't too difficult to read. Thanks for all the comments and encouragement. I have noticed lately that some people have massive amounts of profile views. I know this doesn't necessarily mean blog views, just profile, but some people have like 500 (BECKY!) while I have maybe 70. I started to get a little upset (umm jealous) and then I realized, I don't have a 'view my complete profile' clicky button.

Oops.

I've been trying to figure out if I should sell out and do the Adsense, I've gotten several emails about it and one of the things I've been trying to figure out is basically, is it worth it? I don't want my blog to be slow loading, and blah, blah. So, I've looked into traffic counters and can't seem to come up with anything concrete. And as I've mentioned, I've only gotten about 70 hits on my profile and well, that doesn't seem right. Um. Not sure why I'm sending this out into the blogverse other than I may get someone who has done Adsense and will have an opinion on the whole enterprise.

Also, I kind of got 'hate mail' about posting excerpts in my regular blog, so I'll be reopening Writing Mommy soon just for excerpts.

Which hopefully will please some of the people some of the time.

Ok, my last list o' the month.

My very favorite people, places and things. (in no particular order)

1. Once upon a child-they give you cash for your kids things and they are really reasonable and now we have one in HICKORY! (there's also one on Independence in Charlotte)

2. Used book stores. I just love the whole concept.

3. EBay, it's not as great as it used to be, but still fun.

4. The Grin Kids organization. It's a great worthy charity run by Local Radio personalities.

Lest you think I'm selfless and junk....

5. The Coach pleated HOBO is on my Mother's Day wishlist.

6. So is this necklace from Tiffany & Co. ( A bargain at only twenty thou!)

7. These girls shoes from Target. (Sparkly! Pretty!) Must have them!

Sadly, they do not come in Mommy sizes. And they aren't even really that practical for kids, but Sparkly! Pretty!

8. Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.

9. Amalah the website and the smackdown! so funny and so real and even though she got my fave camera free, just for being a cool mommy blogger I love her!

10. My friends, family and the fact that I'm turning thirty! (so scared!) but exited (and scared, really scared!)

OK, I think that's all my personal loves. I do have a few gotta haves for still life with baby.

I personally couldn't live without a double stroller ( I Have this one from BabysR Us)I love it, and I have to say, it doesn't look quite as awesome after two years of use.

Also, My baby Bjorn, I recommend getting one used (or on eBay) because they run around a hundred dollars and that can be kind of expensive when you just have a baby.

Um, for practicality, all my kids have Crocs , although I have yet to make the leap and get a pair for my self.

My new fave drink is Almost anything from Sonic or a Smoothie from Broad river.

I would have to split food into sub categories and I won't do that to you, so we'll just go with chocolate.

Hope everyone had a happy April!

I'd love to hear what you couldn't live without!

Early Morning Maracas and Disney Channel Devotees.

2008-04-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

Good morning all!
And look at me, posting before I have breakfast. I'm super.
Ok, not so much.
I'm playing the avoiding my chores game. I'm great at this game. So great in fact, I can put off a single chore (for examples sake, lets say mopping the floor, cinderella-style) for up to three weeks, any longer and well, it just doesn't make sense, does it?
I don't mind mopping in and of itself, I mind the hullabaloo to get to the ACTUAL MOPPING>you know, the sweeping(or swiffering), the carrying of all objects into adjacent room, the wetting the mop. It just goes on and on and on. And frankly, who hasn't mopped only to find your lovely floor over ran with spaghetti, mud, or overzealous finger painting toddlers?
Which of course, is one of my excuses not to mop, I'm planning on finger painting, mud wrestling or making spaghetti, I couldn't possibly MOP today! Alas, I have run out of excuses and therefore I have to just suck it up and DO IT ALREADY, just not now, I have to BLOG.
Of course.
So
UM.
I'm thinking.
OH yeah, is anyone looking especially forward to Mother's Day this year?
I'm not, but I've heard through the grapevine..er, well, the car riders line and dance class waiting room, that lots of mommies are getting some really nice gifts due to the stimulus package. Which is nice, I'd like a van, a new camera and a spa package. Please.
In that order.
I'm kidding. (not really)

Totally JOKING. I already have the greatest gift a mother could have.

I still have my sanity.

um.

sometimes.

Is anyone else wondering when one of the Disney Bands are going to have a top forty hit?
I love the Imagination Movers. But, the Wiggles have been around for a good bit longer and I'm just waiting for fruit salad to be on the VH1 top twenty countdown. These songs are so catchy, I'm sing them when actually serving fruit salad or when Calling all movers from north to south.

Admittedly that one doesn't flow so much. I see it happening though.

Did anyone watch Jon and Kate plus 8 or TIVO it? It seems Kate has chilled a bit, or perhaps has been medicated? She was less snarky and more willing to leave Jon alone with all 8. She did it more than once. Gasp.

OK, I'm seriously running out of things to talk about. This. is. not. good.

I may actually have to clean.

A list!

But first, next month will be RANDOM BOOK REVIEWS!!

so, if you have written a book you want mentioned, just email me and I'll read it and review it, or if you have a recommendation, send it my way.

Things NOT to say to a husband having the big 'V'.

1. If you think this hurts....

2. Do you feel that your manhood is gone?

3. Now you can't get your girlfriend pregnant.

4. I'm pregnant.

5. I think I see smoke...is that normal. (yes it is. that's why they call it cauterizing. it means burning in medicalese.)

One more thing. Have you guys seen Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) in her Vanity Fair Photo shoot?
What do you think?
too sexy for a fifteen year old?It's raising a lot of ruckus. I have a five year old who happens to be a fan, who will not be seeing it. I'm also a fan and I although I personally have no problem with it, is this not reminiscent of the cover of the Rolling Stone with Britney Spears?

I just don't want the same thing to happen to Miss Miley.

That all being said, I'd love to hear opinions, and if you love or hate it.

PS. Shot by Annie Leibowitz, who does fantastic photos.

OK, OK, I'm going to mop. I promise.

One more thing...R

Working for the weekend...

2008-04-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

...A bad sign on Monday.
Because this weekend is supposed to be superfun! Which means, of course, that I will probably be sick or indisposed in some way that will make my superfun time impossible. Do you think if I acknowledge the jinx it nullifies it's power? Just a thought.

Well, I will speak no more of it.

With my fingers crossed.

I have tentatively some news about writing that could possibly be awesome, but again, I don't want to jinx it.
In things I can share news, my friend Rebecca has a new blog, I'm sure she would love a visit. Rebecca and I are collaborating on parenting project, so if you have any heartwarming, funny, sweet, silly or otherwise stories to share, please do. Since I've skipped over the lists the last few days, this list will be L-O-N-G, meaning short.

Why I'll never be a bridesmaid again.
1. This movie.
2. The fact that all my friends are old married women. (ok, not old, old, but you get the point)
3. I have dress issued on the best of days, wedding days are no exception.
4. Wedding cake.
A side note, I have no problem with weddings per se, it's just that at this juncture in my life, I've been married and bridesmaiding for ten or so years, and well, it gets old.
another side note, if and when my lovely little sister gets married, I'm hoping she'll have mercy on me and make me something sedentary like a registry attendant or photographer. (hint, Jess, hint)
5. I hate, hate, hate having my picture taken.
6. I've walked the aisle with my pic, walking the aisle with stranger friend of my friend? Not so much.

So rent 27 dresses with friends and decide what was the best thing about your wedding.
And the worst.

R

Barely controlled Chaos

2008-04-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm in a great mood today despite the madness that has been my Morning. I don't know why, perhaps it's reverse PMS or something (and if I could bottle it I'd be rich, rich, rich!!) As most of you who have children know, it's a WORKDAY, which means my oldest is home today and by transmitting some high pitched kids only whistle/screech has turned my home into her own personal 'Lord of the Flies' part duex. They yelled and screamed upstairs and hollered and fought downstairs.

While I? seriously considered tossing them into the yard after hogtying them together.

But I didn't, I suppose in part to my good mood and the fact that they may get into more trouble in the yard than in here.

Ah well.

I will have the second part of the excerpt later today, but it is not forthcoming right this second because I haven't have time to proofread. (hint: What Rhianna should be doing right now? I'll take working on her writing and not blathering self-serving blogs for 200 Alex)
In Happy camper news, I will not be winning neatest Camper again this year. But, in my defense, I was a really neat camper when I lived at home. Now, for some odd reason, my kids think they live here, and are allowed to toss their thousands of possesions willy nilly until I scream 'ENOUGH!' and toss them all upstairs (which I affectionately refer to as 'the toy pit'.)

I have noticed in my travels (you know, to Uptown Shelby and home) that there is an unusual amount of garbage lately. Is this because everyone is moving or are people actually spring cleaning? Or perhaps people are rebelling against the very notion of going Green and are just throwing away as much as they can in an attempt to sabotage our poor planet as quickly as possible? I just wondered because not only have I witnessed an abnormal amount of waste, but also people digging through it, (surely they purexed before and after, right?) and (I swear this is true) someone had actually put a sign on their garbage that said 'Garbage only, no clothing'. I wish I had my camera and the guts to get out of the car and photograph it. I say resist the urge to dig through someone's waste, in this time of Asian bird toxic hepatitis I think it would be a tad unsafe. That's just me, tho, it's up to you.

But, if I'm sitting on a couch you salvaged from a street corner, please don't tell me.

Unless you'd like to see a fat lady jump up and run, then by all means, lay it on me.

Not Brooke Shields, Not Gwyneth Paltrow

2008-04-24T18:23:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing.
I don't exactly have an edited 'Ditz gets it done excerpt ready. Darn the #$%&!!! printer, but I do have two shorts from my new Work In Progress 'Thintentions'
About a young girl with body issues and six perfect sisters who are marrying at an alarming rate.
First excerpt is today and I'll hopefully get the second one up this weekend sometime.
And BTW, have you noticed that Brooke Shields is like the new poster girl for good parenting? she's in no less than three ads in Parents this month. UMM, no offense, but when did celebrities with endless supplies of nannies and income get to tell me how to effectively parent?

Thintentions excerpt #1 Enjoy! and Share!

I have six sisters.
That’s right, six. I am one of seven girls. Eventually, my parents gave up on trying to have a boy and started marrying their daughters off. I have been a bridesmaid and/or maid of honor in three weddings. The fourth is all set to go in two months and while I try to be happy for my sisters and I am, happy, but sometimes I feel like the most unmarriable girl on the planet. My sisters are graceful gazelles, and I am a galumphing walrus. They’ve all floated through life dancing, cheerleading, singing like an angel, or other equally feminine pursuits. While I, on the other hand, am a proud trumpet player and crackerjack chess player, and have never ever in my whole life worn a tutu. Nor do I have any sort of perverse desire to do so now that my days of possible cute ballerina are over.
In every photo of my painful and restless childhood, I am squeezed in a corner of the picture, looking miserable and well, fat. Not that I was, or am, really, truly fat. I’m just not as thin as Missy, Chrissy, Candy, Penelope, Sandra or Constance. They are thin as whips and tall as the father who checked out mentally, economically and socially when Missy, the youngest, turned two. I topped out at five three and hover in the young double digits, which makes me look like the ball to my sisters’ bats.
It only got worse after high school. I stopped being athletic in any way. No more softball picnics, no more marching band camps, bring on the freshman fifteen for me and for my rail thin sister Penelope who was born a mere eleven months after me, and by default became my roommate. Penny was content to listen to pan flute music and do Pilates while I scared our mothers’ homemade care packages and lay in bed moaning about Luke. The boy who got away. Isn’t there always a boy who got away? I try to make myself feel better about Luke by telling myself that he really is a boy and not a man, and even though I deluded myself about our relationship, it was nonetheless devastating when I walked into his dorm with a bag of cool Ranch Doritos and a six-pack, hollering about the futurama marathon, only to see him with his face buried in the crotch of Tami or Toni something or other. I really thought I could wear Luke down. He totally got me, and I got him, or so I thought. We had started out studying together, one of the mindless freshman classes that you’re forced to take to assimilate to college life. He was cute in a messy not-quite-grown-up-yet sort of way and I loved that. He seemed not averse to my relative short and chubbiness, and so we forged a friendship built on comfort and overt desire on my part. Looking back it may have been free adoration, beer and chips on his part. But we pressed forward, and even when our class ended, we continued to hang out, that is until I caught the up close and personal fellatio show in his dorm, then I ran back to my dorm, where Penny patted my back and tried not to say I told you so. Just a thought.

Thintentions excerpt #1

so, who would be my nemesis? Miss Vain?

2008-04-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

It feels like it has been forever since I've even been on the computer. I know this is not true, but we've had a crazy busy week and a half.
I have had time to read a few posts and here is one of my favorites. I'm terribly bitter and jealous (Call me Insecure Girl, lately) about all the Mommy bloggers who got wicked swag and the chance to meet and greet all the other Mommy Bloggers. But I will not bore you with my mired in self doubtedness. IN other good news, not only did Famed "Chick" lit author Jennifer Weiner ink a SEVEN figure deal with ABC, she was Also on CBS Morning news, this am, If you have time or the inclination, Check it OUT. She's awesome and she earned it, but I still get all ill and just plain mad that I can't make this kind of thing happen for me (can you say delusional? And possibly too neurotic to live?) I mean, I've only been committed to my writing for a year or so, and I don't know what I expected to happen. OK, I expected Stephen King himself to read something of Mine and swoon at the brilliance (MySpace blog perhaps?) and just have to find someone to represent me.

Have I mentioned that I daydream a bit too much for a grown up?

I will be posting some of my writing soon, thanks for all the great messages and emails asking how my progress is coming and all that.

I do have a COMPLETED first draft of The ditz gets it DONE, which is about a former beauty queen who is asked to judge the same pageant she won five years earlier. At the same time that her life is falling apart (fiance' running off to sing with band, mother going BSC). In addition to the free trip to Vegas she gets to land smack dab in the middle of a Beauty Queen Murder Mystery. And, oh yeah? did I mention, of course there's this guy. (tentatively and affectionately named for my hometown, Marshall.) I will post an excerpt tonight or in the morning. I'd love to hear feedback.

List for the day:

Inappropriate Ring tones for Mothers of PreSchoolers.

1. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

2. Da club (Applebottom jeans, boots with the fur, da whole club was looking at her)

3. Honky-tonk Badonkadonk (sp?)

4. Touch my body (the new Mariah Carey song, I mean really!)

5. Let's get it on.

I can think of a lot more, and a few I've even had that were, ummm, questionable.

But I think you get the picture.

Who else loves this song and video?

Also, Most of you probably know by now, but I have a lovely new namesake, Elliana Rhiannon Horldt. Eesn't SHEE beeeyouteeful?
I think so.
I must be way cooler than I think I am to have such a wonderful honor.
She's lovely and healthy and settling in with her family and her big brother Carson, but they could still use thoughts and prayers.
Whew, I think that's all for now, hopefully later today I'll have an excerpt.
R

Miss Disaster and the Back up Brats

2008-04-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

Things that could have been a Disaster if not for my ace parenting skills and highly honed powers of observation.
1. Brady finding Fruity Pebbles and getting out the bag inside the box.
2. Brady figuring out the toaster (and, apparently, how to climb up on bar stools)
3. Brady learning that Diaper is Optional Clothing (umm, wait, this was a pretty big disaster)
4. Ailise deciding to tattoo her brother with PERMANENT SHARPIE.
5. Ailise realizing things leave when flushed down the toliet (Don't want to wear shoes? FLUSH THEM!!)
6. Keegan deciding to 'clean' all of our DVD's with febreeze and baby wipes.
7. Cheetos. White shirt. Well, I think it's self explanatory.
8. any one of them feeding the dog Play-doh, moon sand, the rest of their Easter Candy.

Also, forgive last night's post, I realize now that I was so tired I could barely talk, let alone write, so I'm not even sure I spell checked. OH well.
In things I'm loving right now..
Check this out..
Have a great weekend.

A Day Gone and A dollar Flat

2008-04-17T18:16:00.000-07:00

It's official. I totally didn't win the Erma Bombeck writing contest.

And I have to say, it totally sucks, but rather than wallowing in misery (well, since I've already done that for two hours) I will be brave and assume that I was just overlooked.

In other headline news : Leesy is three!

Which means she's still roughly the size of a two year old with a ten year olds wit and vocabulary.

It's disconcerting. We did have a good day (sort of) We started at Club Libby Lu ,

which I assumed would be right up Leesy's alley, but instead she screamed like a wild hyena was attacking her head when the girl started to put in bobby pins. Instead, Keegan got a gorgeous princess hairdo, make-up and manicure, while the birthday girl clung to my chest and whimpered, until we passed the play area on our way out, when she was magically cured her whatever the heck was wrong and played for almost an hour before deciding we would Build a new Bear that says happy birthday. So we did. (another hour chasing three year old around build a bear, all the while lugging our 'loot' from Libby Lu's, OH? didn't I mention Leesy still wanted her haul, she just didn't want anyone touching her? )

Now, we decide to eat (OK, they decide to eat and I wonder if the mall has a pharmacy that might slip me a few Paxil Ativan Xanax)

Silly me, we didn't bring in the stroller (always, always bring the stroller into the mall. Always.)

So I have....A mini dog carrying pocketbook, Leesy's 'accident' backpack, Keegan's new beach bag, two Build-a-bear boxes, my pocketbook and a wicked itch on my neck when the moron working at the Chinese kiosk places my food on one side of the tray and the food on the other.

Of course (I mean of course) this mean the tray flips as soon as I pick it up while people stream around me oblivious to the fact that I'm carrying more bags that an oversea traveler and trying to balance a food tray and two little girls.

The joy of the spoiling of the birthday child.

The upside?

tonight when she went to sleep, I heard her playing her Birthday song (that Keegan and I had recorded for her, and stuck in her leopard, a pink one, again, of course it was pink) about seventy eight times.

so it was good.

here's hoping the batteries in those sound thingamajigs only last for a few days....

Ma'am? Maybe I need botox.

2008-04-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

OK, how is possible to feel so dang old at only 29?

Pull my arm (but not too hard, I'm sore from any physical activity longer than twenty minutes)and I'll tell you.

Because everywhere I go, I'm either someone's mom, someone's caregiver or even if I'm all alone (rarely) I still get, would you like me to carry that out for you Ma'am?

MA'AM????

Now, in defense of sweet little high school bag boys everywhere, at least they call me Ma'am and not some other less polite things.

BUT (and this is a big butt) it was not soooo long ago, I was getting asked out by high school bag boys instead of being offered ben-gay and a cane. I mean really, Hmph.

On the upside, I did get carded at Red Lobster.
Which made me a little happy and a little sad.
For two reasons.
One..Mike got sick and we had to leave my beautiful pina colada, all alone and sad and undrunk.
Two...It is a little inconvenient to pull out your licence with the horrible picture and have someone pore over it and declare, you look nothing like this.

So, should you be flattered that you look nothing like you did five years ago? Or upset?
Did the bones in my face migrate?
I mean, I'm still a redhead (although I'm contemplating a major change in hair color just to shake things up) I'm still 5'5", I still wear corrective lenses. How many people could pretend to be me?
geez.

NOW list time, Straight from Urban Dictionary!

New words and phrases to work into your vocab.

Rut Ro- Uh oh in Scooby doo language (and consequently, Brady's)

Irregardless-Without lack of regard (I know, give yourself a second)

Dk;Dc- don't know, don't care (I love this even though I would never say it, because usually I do know and even more often, I care)

consumerican-Person suffering from a particularly American Brand of consumerism.

Gullible-the only word not in the dictionary, go look.

Wikedemia- An academic work passed off as scholarly, but researched entirely on Wikipedia.

Now, don't you feel much smarter and more 'in the know' and hip and with it?
Good, cuz that was my goal.
That and the whole gullible thing. But don't get mad. That's just how I roll.

Ma'am.

r

My children are gifts...

2008-04-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

...and sometimes I wish I'd kept the receipt.
and on that note, I hope everyone had a better weekend than I did. I doubt I had more than two hours of sleep at a time. (not just kids fault, mind working overtime)
My children were not physically ill, they just had a touch of the selective hearing virus and the willful and malicious fever.
They. Did. Not. Listen. To. A. Single. Word. We. Said.
If some generous gypsies had happened upon us, they would have three new recruits. Heck, if animal control had stopped by...
OK, you get the point. Long Weekend, children bad. blah, blah....
We were at Elevation on Sunday and there was a guest speaker. I hate to say anything bad about the wonderful ministry we helped launch, but I was a little disappointed on Sunday. I was really looking foward to the speaker, Michael Leahy, who was quite a speaker, but really stopped just short of shocking and awing me.
Maybe I'm jaded, or perhaps we didn't have quite enough time to delve all the way into Mr. Leahy's story (he is a self-professed sex addict, and lost his family, job and will to live..I think.)but, I missed a lot of the 'wow this is great' ministry that is usually what Elevationeers are known for.
There was no scriptural integration, no referencing the bible at all really, and I was left a little cold from the whole thing.
The sermon series is Break Out, and like all of Elevation's series it is in your face and very raw and real. I think once I hear the whole of the sermons together I will understand and possibly enjoy it more. You can hear it for yourself on the Elevation website or download it free on itunes. If you get a chance, I'd love to hear your take. If not, don't even worry about it.
In other news!!!!
Jennifer Weiner's long awaited new book Certain Girls finally, finally comes out tomorrow. Check out the new website, her new pic is fabulous.
Time for my morphine drip to help me sleep girlz....
Sorry no list...
OK, here it is.
things I wish I could do...
1. Bowl.
2. Play tennis.
3. Speak (not just read, a little) Latin.
4. Hula hoop for longer than three seconds.
5. Say what I mean to say.
6. Read minds.
7. Sleep.
8. Sleep.*not to be confused with #7.
9. Finish my book already.
10. Find my waist.
11. Juggle...
and finally.
12. sing. In fact, I'm going to go buy a bucket. (to carry that tune...what? not funny?)
OK, perhaps I'm delirious. No matter.
Pay no attention to the short fat lady behind the keyboard laughing maniacally and swigging red bull. She knows not what she types.
R

Ulgy is the new pretty.

2008-04-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm a terrible parent. Or that's what I tell myself when I'm loosing my patience for the fifth time or screaming irrationally or any one of the million things I DO that you just AREN'T supposed to do.

Here's a list of my most grievous offenses, in no particular order.

1. I don't like playing tea party, cars, choo choo or horsey, but I do it, though not always with a smile.

2. We rarely let our children 'cry it out', and when we attempted it, I ended up in tears hovering near their doors, thinking about future therapy bills and possible detachment issues.

3.I'm not a alphabet, color or nap time Nazi. We hover around a schedule of School, Y, play date, lunch nap, outside. But we don't freak out if it's missed. Sometimes we pay a high price for this.

4. I forget. All the time. Sometimes when I finally, finally lay down at night I can count up to ten things I said we would do 'in just a minute' or 'later' that I never quite got to. I really hate this.

5. I have been known, on occasion, to curse in front of my little ears. I resist the urge to run to confession and Keegan's kindergarten teacher to explain that I had stubbed my toe, Brady had broken all the eggs and Leesy was climbing on the cabinet again.

6. Potty training nearly put me in a mental institution.

7. Also, on rare occasions, I've been more worried about what my kids LOOK like that what they are ACTING like (parentless heathens without a lick of sense)

8. I lick my finger and clean faces. There, I said it.

9. Sometimes, the TV is my unpaid babysitter.

10. Sometimes, my husband is my unpaid babysitter (I guess this is not a parenting mistake, more a wife mistake, but still)

The fact that I still have a few frightens and concerns me, but I'll forge on..

11. Sometimes a balanced lunch is an apple and potato chips and a multivitamin in the car. (oh the embarrassment!)

12. I dress my kids alike. A lot, more often than is strictly necessary. but it's cute. and I like it.

13. My biggest parenting mistake is that I don't give myself credit for the things that I'm doing right, that I don't tell my friends what great parents they are and how it's really awesome how hard we try, and that I don't tell my kids quite as often as I should that they are beautiful, wonderful amazing creatures, and I love them.

pat yourself on the back you face-lickers, we're doing the best we can!!

Top Ten Reason I love Chocolate(and late nite TV)

2008-04-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

OK, so not nearly as hot as Johnny Depp, but he's got a heck of a sense of humor( or his writers do) and he made the list famous.
So what could be more appropriate than having a top ten to begin my month of lists?

10 reasons I'm a chocoholic.

1. Everything else is illegal, and makes your teeth fall out and your skin look terrible.
2. Chocolate doesn't talk back, scream to have it's diaper changed, beg for your food, or make fun of it's chocolatey buddies.
3. Chocolate kisses, chocolate cheesecakes, and brownies. The trifecta.
4. Calorie-free when shared with friends!
5. It's the one thing my Dad and I have in common (besides some pretty good DNA, and the ability to make people comfortable)
6. HOT Chocolate.
7. You can get it anywhere, even at the bookstore, Books and Chocolate the perfect combination.
8. Supporting the cocoa bean industry makes me feel a part of the industrial food chain.
9. I'm pretty sure it can cure diseases. (Like stupid and PMS)
10. Because I am, and I don't care who knows it!!! Now hand over the candy bar and no-one gets hurt.

Not quite as clever as Dave, but admittedly, he has help. Also, I gots a whole month to milk this thing and I don't want give all my stuff away right at first.
If you're wondering what my favorite chocolate of all time is, It's these , they are divine!
But if I can't afford eight dollar truffles Dove will do.
What's the thing you love and would pine for on a desert island??

Gettin' Bloggy with it.

2008-04-01T06:42:00.001-07:00

I'm pregnant. With twins. By this man in the photo.

Ok, April fools. hehe. I'm horrible with April Fools jokes and even though I love love love all celebratable holidays, April Fools is my least successful. You can't decorate, there are no colors, and you don't get to put up a funky tree and make cookies. Well, I suppose you could make cookies, but you'd just be making cookies for no reason. I think I'll institute mandatory April Fools food, how about donuts? Good yes? Also, I'm cancelling the joke part of April Fools and now the first day of April will be National Give a compliment day!

You look pretty.

See, I'm getting it started, it's up to you to pay it forward.

Ok, so, probably compliments won't be quite as popular as this. Which may be one of the greatest hoodwinks ever. I think April will be list month. Though I'm not finished with my favorite things list, here's a small list of what I'm lovin' right this second.

1. This Vanity Fair cover (in all fairness, you can barely see, but it's Sarah Silverman, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey) and it says, Who says women can't be funny) it prompted me to buy AND READ the article. I'm way more Vogue, Cosmo and Glamour than Vanity Fair, which seems to tout a lot of pretentious swill that makes me nauseous and although this issue was much of the same, the article on women comedians and women comedy writers was pretty informative. I did get a little miffed when they called Lucille Ball about as interesting as cardboard (sic) in an interview but otherwise pretty good stuff. The basic premise is that women ARE funny, and although they are less of a presence in the media, they are more prolific now, and therefore making themselves known. Even (gasp) in the upcoming comedy Babymama, writing, leading and producing without the help of a big strong man. Go girls!
2. The Dirty Girls Social Club by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez, which is about four years too late, because when I checked out her web site, she's already completed the sequel. Still funny, still good.
3. The fact that SCHOOL is back in session. SAVE ME FROM SUMMER!!
4. Planning Leesey's 3rd birthday party. We're thinking of getting her her own place.
5. The fact that post started with a picture of Johnny Depp.

Happy April. Rabbit, Rabbit.

Blog-diddegdy

2008-03-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

A whole week has passed since I have blogged, but, in grand procrastinator style I am ready for a massive missive. (See what I did there? Funny right? OH, nevermind)

Before I start in on who won what and who gets who and what we did for Easter (WAAAAY more than we should've but dang it, it's the holidays) I'd just like to say, What is the DEAL with consignment sales? No matter how many times I participate in something like this, I am always amazed by how juvenile adults can act when NOT GETTING THEIR WAY. While I was dropping off my huge pile of mess, so was some other mother who clearly tagged her items in the dark. The wonderfully nice lady who runs our Weeruns sale, was, I thought, being very diplomatic, but the mad blind lady ending up dragging her stained stuff back to the minivan screeching, 'I'm telling all my friends about this!'. Me, too sistah, me, too! I hate, hate, hate when my stuff gets rejected, but that's life! You can't always see what they see, but you do have to make an effort. Any how, it bears mentioning, the last time I volunteered at Weeruns, I saw someone shoplifting. REALLY? Stealing secondhand stuff? Wouldn't it make more sense to get busted for something worth more than two dollars? Geez.

And now, some Bradyese for your entertainment.

Wea keegah?- Where's Keegan?

Wea wissy?-Where's Leesy?

Wea daaaaadeeeee?-Father, Mother is not giving the one and only object of my very own heart's desire and I feel we must consult on this, you know, man-to-man.

kuckuck-I'd like a sucker, please, from my Easter basket, which I will take one lick from then play with for fifteen minutes then twist into my sisters hair, and giggle while Mommy curses, stomps and yells while flailing the scissors.

Out-Up, as in on the bed, where I can jump and possibly break arm, neck or sisters cranium.

bee-beep book neeoow peas- Please read my car book for the eight hundred fifty seventh time, please. I love you, aren't I soooo cute?and now.....drumrolll....
Becky wins!
Keegan drew from the FIVE entries (only five, I was really looking for some great books guys! it was a holiday weekend though, as my husband points out, maybe I'm asking too much)
Becky recommended Demons and Angels (I believe) which I couldn't read, at least not after the DaVinci Code, which I had to read with a dictionary and shot of whiskey (kidding about the alcohol, not so much the dictionary)but on Bex bringing it to my attention, maybe I'll dust it off. So, send me your info and I'll send your gift cards ASAP.

I will try to squeeze in one more contest in March, but no promises.

Hope everyone had a good Easter. We, of course, traveled (because what is the option? Stay home? then everyone converges on you, to see the children, and you are expected to feed, clothe and fix any and all familial disputes that may arise. No thanks, we'll pay six hundred bucks for gas to head all over with our exhausted children and swollen with too much food bellies.) All of our families were good, if a bit busy and tired. It was good to see everyone, however brief. Glad to be home however and Mike did have Mon and Tues off as well, so we had some time to recuperate, but I have a cold that I picked up somewhere (rest stop? random McDonald's?Brady rubbing his snot on my cheek?) which is minor compared to the Earache Asian Bird Projectile Virus we've all just got over. In an effort to contain the sniffles we're kind of home bound, which is OK, since sometimes our play dates tend to resemble Wrestlemania on speed.
I think April is going to be either Random Book Review Month or Memories Of My children that I haven't yet managed to erase with lack of sleep or Momnesia. ( A real word, I promise!)
I like having a subject matter to start with, otherwise I tend to ramble (I know, who me?)
If you have Memories that Are TOO FUNNY not to share, please do so, or if you have a great Random Book you'd like reviewed (even if it's your own!) please let me know.
I'm also compiling a list of MY Favorite things, which Holly and Kendra have both done, but I think I'm going to do a Mommy version and a Baby version of things I myself couldn't live without and things I envy being invented after my children were too old to use them. Then an adult version (not too adult, I know what a perv I am...no need to point it out!I totally didn't see the dolphins.ARGH!)If you have something to add to this, I'd also like to know.
Have a great rest of the week, back to our regularly scheduled programming next week. OH well.

Past my expiration date.

2008-03-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hello, hope everyone is having a good week. It's been crazy here (let me be honest, when is it not crazy here?)I've been busy like my friend Kendra getting ready for the consignment sales. When she mentioned how many items she took, my jaw dropped, but we're climbing towards that ourselves. I mentioned at MOPS that I would hook everyone up with the dates for those sales and they are on the same days but the times vary a little so PLEASE check the websites for directions and times they are open.
Weeruns starts April 5th (for the public, if you consign you can shop early which I highly recommend even though it's crazy) and goes through April 13th, they are open through the week, but as I said, check times.
Freckles n Pigtails starts April 5th for the public and goes through April 13th as well, she is also still taking consignment appointments, check the site for details. Please forward this to anyone who needs the info.
Now for the next contest, it's twofer.
A ten dollar target gift card and ten dollar McDonald's gift cards (I'm giving away from my stash of gift cards, I don't really need McDonald's...hehe)
All you have to do is post a comment about your the best book you've read in the last year (I know you've got something Ashley!) either here or on MySpace (link to the right, the other right) I can't wait to hear. It can be fiction, non fiction, picture book, children's book, whatever.
I wish I had pictures, but I got a killer haircut (it didn't magically make me thirty pounds thinner or pay off all my debt or make my children behave in church, it just felt like it did)Thanks to Ashley from Affinity Salon and Spa ( I poached her from Dori, but you can too, she's very generous like that!) The reason this is such big news is, well, my last haircut kind of looked like the girl who cut it hated me. NO kidding. It looked like I was up for the role of angry lesbian. I cried for at least two weeks. In private, but still. I'm not sure when I'll close the contest, but probably next Wednesday. We have lots o' Easter activities planned, as I hope all of you do. Here's hoping my kids can stay clean long enough for ONE picture!
PS. I just spell checked and did you know MySpace is not in the dictionary? Crazy.
McDonald's is!
R

Addendum

2008-03-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm the certain girl who worries about the size of her thighs when she should be worried about the size of her mouth.

hell in a handbag.

2008-03-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

Before I announce the winner, I am planning to bore you with what kind of certain girl I am. BUT first a message from my sponsors...
OK, that was a joke. Normal Mommies from nowherespecial USA do not have sponsors...yet. But I'm willing to sell ad space on my forehead to pay for my children's college. Just be aware.
I have some new links to the side, visit my friends buy their books, do a good deed.
Without further ado,
I'm a certain girl who loves to read but always wants to know the end before I get there.
I'm a certain girl who loves thunderstorms, but hates the mud.
A certain girl who would die without her cell phone, but would never admit it.
A certain girl who is afraid, but is really afraid to show it.
I'm a certain girl who loves pocketbooks, but kind of shelved my obsession when I traded handbags for diaperbags.
A certain girl who is mostly proud of herself, but in her private mind wonders why. I'm the girl you think you may know, but you have no idea.

Sometimes, I'm not any of these girls.

And the winner esss....

Maribel from California who sez (via myspace message):

I'm the certain girl who wakes up crying and laughs at herself, and I'm the certain girl who will never know why I do..

So, send me your contact info and I'll spirit your book to you. Thanks again to all who entered, I felt really supported, I got about nineteen total entries and that totally wows me to think that many people read my blog. ( I know, to the people who get like a thousand hits a day, it's no big deal, but for a girl who's officially done nothing yet..it's huge)

In things I'm pimpin' news a really funny girl just published a really funny book and it's called Unpredictable. I do not have a signed copy, but I may give away my copy just to spread the word for a great first time author.

Jen L. is having an essay contest to give away Advance copies of Such a pretty fat on her blog and myspace site (you can only enter once) If you have a great diet story, you should totally enter.

That concludes this broadcast day!

Will post for the new contest two-morrow or Wednesday.

Hope everyone got pinched today!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My vacation home in Egypt.

2008-03-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all the certain girls who've entered so far! I'll be randomly picking a winner on Monday, so you still have time to tell me what kind of CERTAIN GIRL you are to win a FREE signed Copy of GOOD IN BED.
I can't decide if I'll be posting more or less now that I finally have a laptop because, obviously (or hopefully) I'll be working more towards getting published. I think I'm going to have to ban myself from writers sites for awhile because it's all very doomsday right now.
I read today that only one in around one hundred and sixty submissions even get thoroughly read. Blech. I can't decide if I have the chutzpah to keep at this in spite of the rejection. Honestly I've never been great with rejection. Or criticism. Or constructive criticism.
I'm not sure why, I just get really defensive. I'm going to have to toughen up at least a little though because it's all a part of writing. Ho hum.
I've been living in denial (get it? my vacation home in Egypt? the Nile river? Denial? OK, maybe it's not as clever as I thought.) for a bit about my weight. I mean, certainly I knew I was heavier than I needed to be, but I exercise regularly (OK, semi regularly) and I like to workout. Sure given a choice between grilled chicken and a donut, I'm going straight for the yeasty yummy goodness. But last year, both my parents had life threatening illnesses. Now, not both of them were because of unhealthy lifestyles, but I still felt a pressing need to get my own health in order. First order of business, the doctor, who told me in no uncertain terms that My First Order of Business would be to change my diet, and to exercise. It's a bit of a reality check when your kind sweet doctor tells you that the time has come to get busy loosing the booty.
The problem is, I'm far more comfortable with my body than I ever was in my teens. Or even my early twenties. I mean, I realize that I'm too short to carry a lot of weight and carry it well, and looking like a city road map with your clothes off is not really how I prefer to look. But, I'm proud of what I've done with my body, I've carried and delivered (by C-section, but still) three healthy wonderful children. I've fed them, and kept them warm with the same body that I couldn't seem to cover up enough when I was still wearing single digit numbers. Now, I know that there's nothing wrong with a little weight, but a little weight is not my problem. I don't think Oprah or the ubiquitous Dr. Phil are going to have to come cut the side of my house off soon, but I definitely need to get healthy.
Being the late starter I am, I guess I'll call this my New Years Resolution. I don't want to make it about loosing weight, though, because that can get oppressive. I want to make it about being healthy. Maybe then I can vacation at the beach without being covered from head to toe.

Jenvious

2008-03-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm changing my name to Jen, or Jenny or Jennifer.
And I'll tell you why. Everyone with a book deal has this particular moniker.
(I know, I'm exaggerating, but it seems all the good Jens are taken)
My favorite author, Jennifer Weiner, has a new book coming out in April, Certain Girls and I can't WAIT!! In honor of this Jennifer I have a signed copy of her first book, Good in Bed to GIVEAWAY, and it's signed, by the Jennifer herself. All you have to do is....post a comment or send me an email telling me what kind of CERTAIN girl you are. That easy.
Also, Jenny Gardiner, who I have mentioned before, noted author of Sleeping with Ward Cleaver has the distint pleasure of having her book go into a second printing. To all the non-bookies, this means her book is so popular they have to MAKE MORE, which means, more money for her now and more popularity for what will certainly be a fabu second book.
Jen Lancaster another hilarious girl has a third book coming out this summer, Such a Pretty Fat, Read about it here.

NOW, to complain.
Baby Registry. Argh, just ARGH!
I have three children and so I know the necessity of online registry, and of course the convienance of doing so. But, when you register online, please register for things that are also available IN THE STORE!!(DORI!)
My bestest, bestest, most wonderful friend Dori is having her second child, a girl. And, being the groovy kind of friend I am, I'm throwing a shower. (not by myself, but ......anyway I digress)Dori and I grew up together. Not as children mind you, but we met in our early twenties and have been friends since a bit before we both got married. So, when we finally decided to Grow UP, (which I'm not quite sure we have yet) we did do it together. She is the best.
She's a Fierce Online shopper. Me, not so much.
I'm what I like to call a 'Physical shopper'. I have to touch it, smell it, try it on, walk it around the store...you get my point.
Dori registered online.
I shopped in the store.
Nine things on her registry were available in the store. By the time I schlepped my too-wide tush to the store, I had the option of buying an emergency ear wax removal kit, or some bibs.
Let me clarify. I like buying fun gifts, and did I mention Dori is having her first girl? Ear wax remover does not a fun gift make.
Never will Dori's daughter to be named at a later date say, "Oh, Aunt Rhianna, she got me this lovely ear wax removal kit, I had my own daughters picture taken with it!"
Anyway......
not to spoil it for Dori and BABY GIRL H, hopefully they will have no problems with ear wax build up.
NOTE: I made up the earwax remover thing. It was code for something boring and medical, and therefore not FUN to buy and GIVE. Do not spend your precious time combing target for an ear wax remover. Possibly I just invented it.
More news:
I have a new laptop, which means I can post annoying diatribes from anywhere with Wi-Fi, look out Starbucks, here comes the K-mart diva!!
More fun contests soon!!
Have a great week, R

Interview with a REAL house wife

2008-03-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

First of all, a disclaimer: this post is snarky, I'm feeling snarky and therefore the snark factor is high.
You were warned.
I'm flipping through channels during 'nap time' (I'm using this term loosely to describe the time of day where my children scream from their respective beds instead of in my face) and what do I see?
This.
Another frickin 'Real Housewives' of Orange County on Bravo. A spin off actually. The 'Real Housewives of New York City.
I'm laughing too hard to come up with a joke about what all is wrong with this particular title.
But I'll start with the term "housewives", Are we stylizing a BARBIE doll for the late '50's early '60's? I would debone anyone (besides my sweet grandmother who could call me pretty much anything as long as she still makes molasses and biscuits on thanksgiving)who called me a housewife.
Also, REAL? The ONLY episode I've ever seen of the first ridiculous version of this show a woman ( I swear her name was Barbie or Boppy or Inflatable Wife #1) was pointing to various parts of her body and face and naming the 'procedures' she'd had done. And looking happy with herself, while a precarious glass vase full of four hundred dollars worth of flowers perched behind her. If this woman has kids, they don't go in the living room.
I'd just like to say if you love this show, I understand I have my guilty pleasures, but this is no more reality TV than Scooby Doo, just so you know.
If they were casting in Shelby for say, "the REAL women who work their butts practically off to run a household on a shoestring budget and happen to not have a tax statement at the end of the year of Cleveland County" I just may be asked to do that show.
Here is how my interview would go (inspired by an actual interview done with one of the "New York housewives"

'This is Mario Lopez in the studio and I'm here with Rhianna Finnegan from a new show on Bravo, called 'If I make it through the day without Prozac I'm doing good!" Hi Rhianna, that is a lovely brooch you are wearing, is it Tiffany?"

Me: UMM, no, actually it's some baby throw up, do you have a wipe?

Mario(looking taken aback) Ah, no, but I love the pantsuit, Juicy couture?

Me:Oh, thank you, Old Navy Yoga, On sale, can you believe it? These are still maternity pants, but they're so darn comfortable...I just can't stop wearing them.

Mario(a bit more confused)So what will you be wearing to the 'Prozac free is the way to be' premiere? I hear you did a bit of shoppping on Rodeo?

Me: (Snorting) If I had time to shop, it would most likely be at Target and here's hoping Isaac Mizrahi made something that will go day to night!

Mario: Well that's all the time we have for today, Rhianna has to go her son bit someone at preschool, but you can watch all about her trials on her show, 'What is child abuse, exactly?'
Thanks Rhianna!

Me:Thanks Mario, you are so short in person!

Ok, so Mario is No Ryan Seacrest, but he was on Saved by the BELL.
No spokepersons were harmed during the typing of this blog.

IN more news, who's watching American Idol? The guys are doing nothing for me tonight so far.

IN contest news, I believe I have a signed Jennifer Weiner and possibly some TARGET gift cards so check back!!! have a great week! R

I'm not listening.

2008-02-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

On the 'you can't make this up' front, I went to the doctor last week to have a physical. That's right. I'm taking care of ME. Can you believe it? The truth is, I've had stomach problems my whole life. Huge embarrassing, umm.. gaseous issues among other things. So, I sucked it up and went to the doctor. To find out what I could to about my self diagnosed 'nervous stomach'. Turns out, there is a lot I can do, but before I get to that I'd like to share with you a tidbit from my actual appointment, wherein the good doctor and I are discussing my craziness (a sidenote: my period, while normal physically has made me a complete wreck emotionally so I was trying to see if I could do something to make me..ahh less crazy, more me.)
Dr. Goodintentions MD: Have you been sleeping.

Me(fighting the urge to laugh outright): no more or less than normal.

Dr. GD, MD: I see, and how about your libido?

Me(again, fighting the urge to laugh, unsuccessfully, I let a little snicker out) umm

Dr. GD, Md: I mean your sex life. (ok, seriously, she thought I was laughing because I misunderstood? Did she assume I thought she meant a flamboyant piano player?)

Me:I know what you meant, I just was formulating a response that did not make me sound so...

Dr. GD, Md: (nods sympathetically) It's hard to get back into a groove after having children, so many women aren't interested at all..
(she goes on in this vein until I stop her)
Me: Let me just say, that this is not a problem, me being a raving loony is the problem.

Dr. GD, MD: I see well, your husband may think differently.

I give up and let her lecture me on intimacy and all sorts of other things until finally she winds down, then just when I think we're moving on to another subject,
Dr. GD, Md: He's not a senior citizen is he?

Me:Who?

Dr. Gd, md: your husband.

Ok, what the heck, did I fall down Alice's rabbit hole into the doctors office? I said nothing about having any sort of sexual dysfunction and while I'm on the subject, Do I look like the sort of girl who marries a senior citizen? Because not only did my doctor ask me this, but my tax lady also asked if my husband was drawing his social security yet.

Time for a serious makeover, cuz either I look like a girl next door or a senior citizen myself.

IN other news, I haven't blogged or read blogs for over a week, because I've actually been working that's right WORKING on one of my new ideas. I'm hoping to get a lot done this week because MIKE IS ON VACATION!! Woooo hoooo! I did want to catch up via blog because I wanted to let you know the good news, one of my writing buddies Jenny Gardiner has a brand spanking new book out, Sleeping with Ward Cleaver. It's funny and wonderful and it was a long hard road for her to get published, it's selling at WAL-MART which is a huge deal for writers and if you are so inclined please pick it up. Hopefully I will be giving away an autographed book at some point, I'll keep you posted, Which brings me to very very exiting news.
In lieu of the brownie reviews I will be doing MONTH OF CONTESTS in march, every week there will be a giveaway and all you have to do is post a comment and you could win, some of the prizes will be superfun, I will be posting excerpts from The ditz gets it done, and you just have to say YEAH that's awesome or eww that sucks. Some great friends of my blog will be giving away autographed books and there will be some Authors favorite things. So, lots of exiting things.
PS, I can't do the brownie reviews because my sugar intake has been limited, I am sad, and we should all have a moment of silence for Hersheys who may go out of business without my support. Have a great week! R

It's not you, it's you.

2008-02-15T07:12:00.000-08:00

It's not a huge state secret that I dated ALOT before I met Mike, fell in love and settled down. Especially now that I'm blogging it. Even though it's the day after Valentine's Day I wanted to say a few things about fate and how we end up where we are in life. I never thought I would be as happy as I am with my life.
I didn't expect to be miserable and lonely or maybe I did. I think what really happened is I didn't really allow myself to be happy. It's tremendously hard to be a child of divorce, because you will always be uncertain. You will always hold a little part of yourself back, wondering and waiting for the bottom to fall out. I had a V. bad attitude about dating, marriage and love in general. So, I kind of had an unspoken rule that I would pretty much go out with anyone who asked once barring an arrest warrent or prision tatoos. FYI, this is a horrible idea and I would not recommend it to anyone.
This is how I ended up going on dates with guys who forgot their wallets, guys who didn't have a valid drivers liscense, guys who were just plain mean and stupid. Of course it's also how I ended up going out with Mike.
I'd reached a point where I was fed up with the whole thing. I was young, naive and utterly convinced that I was too ugly and weird to find someone really good.
But, I think God knows when you are at the end of your rope. He knows it's darkest before the dawn. Barely six months out of an abusive, unhealthy and disfunctional relationship, I met Mike. I remember the very first time I saw him. I won't lie and say there were fireworks, but his eyes, wow, just Wow.
It took him over six weeks to ask me out, 'hey, if we're going to get married, we should see a movie or something' I know, what a smoothie, right? The rest, to coin a phrase, is history.
He's the funniest, the smartest, the most kind guy I know. We married young, and we are both children of divorce, so the odds are heavily against us. We know that, and we deal with it alot.
But I really do love him, and I know there are people who say love isn't enough, but to me, it's more than enough. I know the kind of love I have with Mike is a gift. It's a gift from a benevolent and loving God who heard a little girls prayers. It's a gift I will never take lightly, because I know He only trusts us with the gifts we can handle.
So, on Valentine's Day and every day, be thankful for your Gift.
Happy Valentine's Friends. R

Leave me alone heathens!

2008-02-12T17:35:00.000-08:00

OK just to be clear as mud, this is my sister(the picture!) and although I would love to pretend I'm sixteen and cute as hell, (for maybe seven seconds) I will not pretend this hottie is me, so you ruffians who are emailing me in vain to find out if I want to, you know, uh , talk and stuff, IT"S. NOT. ME. It's my baby sister and she's becoming a nun. So there.
In other news, my kids are BSC today. I seriously think they may have been bitten by spider monkeys when we were at the zoo, and are having some kind of delayed spiderman-type reaction. I worry about the little angels sometimes.
I would love to see the world thru their eyes.
from the mind of my adorable one year old boy: Oh look, Mommy is sitting down to answer emails and enjoy her breakfast, is it just me or does she look like a jungle gym? Mommy, Mommy, MOmmy, LOOK at me, I'm climbing up your free arm. OH, hey thanks, half your toast. MMMMM, Ok, done with that, mommy, don't look now, but I'm experimenting with clogging the toliet, are these shoes nice?
from the mind of his equally adorable sister who is two, and only slightly to smart for her own good:Oh, hey,mommy is sitting down with food and drink, I Love drink, and although I can communicate better than my twenty three year old uncle I think I will grunt and point because it drives mom crazy and what is more fun than driving mom crazy. Oh, the grunting is not working, maybe screaming? Look at that brady is shoving high heels in the toliet, this should be good...
When they are not running up astronomical plumbing bills they were climbing me like Everest today. I do need to loose weight if I'm comparing myself to a practically insurmountable mountain. Have a great deigh..(no spell checkHEHE)

The real MOMs diet of guilt worry and leftovers.

2008-02-11T17:45:00.000-08:00

OK, I think I figured out why my links don't work. So I will hopefully be able to remedy this particular snafu, but if not, then bear with me. It should only take me a year and a half to figure out what, exactly I'm doing wrong and consult my sixteen year old sister, Jessica, to help me fix it. Coincidentally, the only reason my MySpace page functions like a well oiled machine is Jessica, so thanks, Jess!
I think I have mentioned my love of reading one or possible two(and a half million) times, but I will mention it once again, because this blog starts with another blog, don't ask me which one, I'm not totally sure. The point being, someone's blog was talking about WAHMs( work at home Moms) which I have to say, I much prefer to SAHM (stay at home Moms) I think the first implies more of what we actually do, while the second is, while true, much more passive and bon-bon eating sounding. I would just like to shout out to all the WAHMs out there. I have worked outside of the home on and off since I've had my brood, but this is the longest I've gone without an outside job, and I know I've never worked this hard. I still hate it when someone asks, 'Do you work?'
'No, I park my kids in front of Spongebob, smoke marlboro lights and plan my next toga party'
that's what I want to say. But I don't. Possibly it's manners, possibly I don't think people would get my sense of humor.
On the brownie review front we are at a small stand still while I try to decide which diet to attempt before my next foray onto the MD scale. (at least I'm not beached whale preggers, but that just means I have no excuse.) I will say my friend Tracy recommended some vitabrownies, I just have to locate and purchase, so I can see just how vitaliscious said brownies actually are.
We'll keep you updated.
The diet that has always been most sucessful for me in the past is, of course, weight watchers, because, if I've got to climb on a scale in front of a skinny senior citizen every week, I will put down the donut, but if I have no one but Mike and myself to be accountable to, I shove it in.
My reasoning, while flawed, is this, I NEVER sit down, how can I not always be burning calories.
(This is only partly true, BTW, I do sit down, in the car, at least twice a day.) I also do several other Mom-specific excercises.
the toddler relay-the act of loading one or more toddler in the car while siblings either a) scream at door or b) toss stuff at you from the other car seats and/or c) demand things you forgot as soon as you put car in gear. My guess is while I usually break a sweat doing this, the calorie equivalent is roughly that of one corn flake.
the nite-nite bait and switch-this is where, I run up and down the steps fifteen times to calm down, soothe, get water for, break up viscous sibling fracas, and finally scream, 'GO TO SLEEP! IF I HAVE TO COME UP HERE AGAIN, THAT'S IT!!' not exactly sure what 'it' is, I make at least two more trips in an attempt to not have to come up with 'it'.
the 'I loose 25 lbs every time I sit him down'- I carry around a 25 pound chunkey monkey for at least 47 hours a day, that's gotta add some muscle, right?
Hope every one has a great week. love....and lettuce...r

Shaking hands with the sheriff.

2008-02-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

Soooo, I've been doing some thinking.
Not really, but it sounds intelectual and introspective to begin with this particular sentence, so..I did. Also, i know I'm spelling stuff wrong and IT KILS MI THAT I CN"T CHEK IT>...Ok, enough about spelchk. hehe. My friend Heather, who is a very lovely and sweet girl blogged the other day that she and her husband got..ahem, caught in the act, of you know..well doing stuff.
Anyway, several people had commented that they had also, in fact, been caught by their children and I just have to say..WOW does this make me feel better. I won't go into details (I think my parents read my blog sporadically so eww..)but Keegan sometimes asks about me and her Dad bumpy bellies..Oh when she gets older and realizes. I still remember walking in on my parents when I was just wee. But I'm sure it's much more clear to them. Which brings me to why I was thinking. I was thinking What is the biggest mistake I make with my kids?
Is it loosing my temper? Not being strict enough with time outs?
Spoiling them?
I really don't know. You can bet they'll figure it out and let me know sometime around puberty. I'm not holding my breath.
ON to other, more chocolatey things.
Duncan Hines Chocolate Lovers Chocolate chunk brownies..
Well, they were better, although, as a post script to last post, MIKE said he like the caramel in the turtle brownies. just to let you know for a manly perspective.
I'm going to go a 5 or possibly 6 out of 10, and I'll tell you why.
The dough sucked. I know raw egg, salmonella ahhh death, but I don't eat all the batter, I just want a lick or two, but this dough was icky.
Is it possible I'm tired of brownies? well, I've got at least two more reviews, so we'll see.
But for this one, R sez...it'll do in a chocolate emergency.
M sez...eat them while they're hot.
OK, other reminders and various news..Manic Mommy is having a giveaway..so if you're interested in some free books, get ovah there and show some love. If my link does not work, she is on my links list and hopefully that one will.
Don't forget to vote, but I see a trend in the mommy sick day being the favorite!
R

Just until my rap career takes off.

2008-02-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

That's right, I've decided what I want to do with my life. Thank you E! entertainment televisions and Forbes Top 20 Hip Hop High Rollers (or something like that).
I am going to release a nice rap album with a catchy hook, so I can get all those downloads and then I'll parlay that into a clothing line/crunk drink/luxury car rental entreprenueresque something something.
I mean, the number 20 guy earned something like 10 million.
It'll be a great gimic, the rappin' momma, look for it soon on Itunes.
NOW, on to brownier business.
The first (un)official Chocolate meth reviews are in and it does not look good.
Ghiradelli Caramel Turtle Brownies are around 2.50 a box (which is steep for mix it yourownself brownies, IMO) and they could only possibly have less chocolate flavor if they were not chocolate.
This makes me sad :(.
Waste of an egg actually.
I will say this, the problem (for me) may have also been the prescence of walnut, which is not my favority brownie nut, I'm more pecans in brownies, but I will plow ahead.
It should also be noted that brownies generally only last about 24 hours total in our house, these lasted the entire weekend and then I took pity and (gasp!) fed them to the cat.
Tomorrow isDuncan Hines Double Chocolate Chocolate- lovers which were only 1.78 at Wal-Mart so hopefully in this case cheaper will be better.
Now, for my third and final choice for the Erma Bombeck Writing contest.
The irreversible evolution of panties starts young. I can already see the sad signs of undergarment preoccupation in my five year old, who flat out refuses to wear Days of the Week underwear that do not match said calendar day. These are the things that can make or break potty-training. This is not about underwear for the wee ones; however, it’s about big girl underwear. More accurately, the evolutions of said undies.
When I was dating my beloved, I literally collected underwear. All kinds of frilly and frothy wisps of lace and satin. You may think I’m kidding, but into our first apartment we moved something like seven hundred pair of panties. Addicted to the adorable I was, but then, the inevitable occurred, I got pregnant.
I was thrilled, I was ecstatic, I was unaware the state of underneath my clothes was about to drastically change. Never one of those women who simpered over a salad under normal conditions, I took to pregnancy the way an elephant might. Eating roughly the weight of a pachyderm each day, I became well versed in the weight gain joy of pregnancy.
The tiny thongs were the first to go. I couldn’t bear to part with them, so I simply packed them away for after.
Fast forward six years, three pregnancies and timeless hours spent nursing later, I couldn’t find those thongs with a map and a handy-dandy thong locator (if such a thing exists, I doubt it’s been invented, men would much rather stand in line to volunteer for this position).
I can however, locate quite a few pair of sensible cotton ‘granny panties’. I, for a while, referred to them laughingly as my ‘fat panties.’ I am well aware that my betrothed is fondly reminiscent of the bygone days of the thong, but I ignore it, reasoning that well, one day they will surely return. And they have, in bits and spurts; I’ve added some cute panties back into the mix. But to be perfectly honest, I like my fatpanties. They are comfy; they don’t squeeze, chafe, or disappear into sensitive parts of my anatomy.
Of course I miss her, the vampy vixen whose bra always matched her panties, but let’s face it, she’s got lasagnas to make and carpooling to do, she can’t be stopping every ten minutes to dig, push and adjust. Until my children are grown and I get some serious plastic surgery, she may just have to make do with frump more often than not.

This one is one of my favorite shorts, but I'm not sure it's right.
Let me know what you think..R

TAG-Not the body spray.

2008-01-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

Viscous flirt I was back in the day, I loved the game of tag, not so much now that I'm a grown up and well, running is not my strong suit.
So, I've been tagged my Misty, a lovely girl I went to high school with that I must now break up with because she has tagged me on the blogs and in the spirit of chain letters, you are supposed to tag five or ten more people, but my dear bloggy friends DO NOT FEAR!
I will do my part and tell you five funky unknown wacky facts about myself, but I refuse to pass this on...I'm wondering if this will affect the presumed bad luck. Oh well. On with the show.
Wacky Fact One: I don't have any webbed digits, but I know over ten people who do. I know, wacky right?
Wacky Fact Two: I would love to try out for Amercian Idol, despite my decided lack of talent, which a chorus teacher once called, blissfully mediocre. I'm telling you, you can't make this stuff up.
Wacky Fact Three: I love fashion, even though I have the exact opposite body of what fashionable items generally look attractive on. I mean LOVE LOVE, like I read Vogue and even thumb through French Vogue when I know I can't possibly understand the words.
Wacky Fact Four: I have waited tables in over fifteen different resturants, wrap your mind around that. If you need inside info on your fave night out night spot, chances are I worked there at some point or know someone who did.
Wacky Fact Five: I secretly think I look like a boy with long hair and boobs. don't tell my husband.
Whew. Now that we're all done with that, on to post number two for the writing contest...
Toddler Talents. I will be posting a poll or something tomorrow with choice three so you can vote, email, text or smoke signal your opinion.
Without further ADO!!

One of the most exiting things about having children is when they reach ‘milestones.’ The blessed rights of passage upon which you hang all shreds of dignity, and most of your pride. These milestones include walking, talking, holding a toy, getting a tooth, and crawling just to name a few. This is about the lesser known rights of passage that all children reach but we don’t brag to everyone from the Wal-mart checker to our dentist about. It’s about a special set of skills, Toddler Talents.
Popular Opinion varies greatly about when children are actually ‘toddlers’. It can encompass anytime between nine months to three years. I’m of the school of thought that Toddlers are children whose physical abilities have surpassed their mental capabilities. It’s a beautiful and wonderful time. It’s a time for pharmaceutical intervention if there ever was one.
Unmentionable Talent One (Boys excel at this particular skill, but it’s not male exclusive by any stretch)-Nose Picking-Hey Mom I found my nose and its contents all in one day!
Unmentionable Talent Two-Stripping and/or Streaking-Everyone knows naked is better and once children can figure a way out of all clothing, well, you might as well turn the heat up.
Unmentionable Talent Three-Sippy Cup Soaker-If you thought notebook paper and one months worth of bill wouldn’t absorb a sippy cup full of Sunny Delight, you thought wrong. I can drink and pour and drink and pour!
Unmentionable Talent Four-The Shoe/Doll/Book Shot putt- If handing you something you ask for is good, throwing must be better, right? Wrong. So so so wrong. I’ve been hit with so many toys; I can feasibly blame my poor memory on concussions.
Unmentionable Talent Five-The Total Store meltdown-lacking the verbal skills to tell you exactly what your darling child is desiring must be frustrating, however, when the point and grunt caveman method fails to work, watch OUT!! I suggest shopping without toddlers and barring that scenario, take back-up people, who can sprint to the car with the potential meltdownee, preferably a doting grandparent or aunt.
I won’t even mention the advanced course of Toddler Talents, best to leave that for later. I will tell you that you won’t recognize your Mom and Dad once you have children. Best of luck with that. Also, in the face of any new and special toddler talents, resist the urge to say, ‘Why?’ As in, why did you shave the cat and put icing on your doll? Even if they can somehow communicate a reason, you don’t want to know. Trust me.

Also, I finally, finally renamed my blog because I hate being a copycat. The Dr. Pepper wishes and Chicken finger dreams is a play on the Champagne wishes and Caviar dreams. Champagne OK, Caviar, not so much.
Best, R

What a difference a day makes.

2008-01-30T18:05:00.000-08:00

I can only assume you are no idiot, blog reader and know that a Mommy 'sick day' is a lot like 'paid leave' before your probationary period at work, it doesn't exist outside the fable world. My hubby stayed home to help me recoup yesterday, and I madly, passionately appreciate it.
Am I better today?
Um, well....ON to other things, all sorts of exiting goings on.
My aunt Sharon (who's MySpace page I've tried to link like five times, but it is not working, she's in my top friends, check her out) who is sooooooo supportive of my writing endeavors let me know about a writing contest that's right up my alley and I'm super exited. I will be posting possible entries right here on this very blog and I would love to hear your opinions on what I should enter.
This is an Erma Bombeck contest, and she was a fabulous, funny woman who was well ahead of her time and I hope you'll check this out, it takes a minute, but it's absolutely worth every it.
The Chocolate Meth reviews start tomorrow with Ghiradelli Turtle brownies. Can't you taste them? Yum-O. That was a Raechel Ray reference for those not down with RR.
In otherwise only interesting to me news, Cassie Edwards, sucessful romance novelist has been accused of plaigarism for not crediting her sources sufficently, she says that she was unaware that sources needed to be cited. UMM, did she never write a freakin' essay??
I am scared to death not only of being plaigarized, but of inadvertantly plaigarizing someone. I mean, it seems almost every idea out there has been HAD at one time or other and all that's left is to put a new spin on the old mess, but that's only when I'm being blahhhhh.
This is possible entry for Erma Bombecks writing contest number 1 Mommy's Sick Day:
The alarm pings, and after approximately five hours of seeing last nights dinner in reverse, it’s the last noise I want to hear. I slug my blissfully sleeping beloved on the ear until he shuts it off. Then I mumble, “I’m sick.” He pretends, rather successfully, to not hear me until I slug him one more time. He emerges, beautiful and drowsy from beneath mountains of blankets and pillows, and cracks one eye at me, “ ‘Smatter?” he asks.
I repeat that I am sick, that my body temperature is hovering just below boiling and I was up for most of the night vomiting like I was two months pregnant. Alas, I need help, of the husband staying home from work variety. Because I never, ever ask this the Love of my Life agrees immediately, and I drift back off to sleep.
Minutes later, I feel breath on my cheek, “Mommy?” my five year old scream-whispers. “Yes, baby?” I mutter into my pillow, hoping fervently that I’m not about to settle a cereal v. waffle type dispute.
“Will you do my hair?” she grins at me in the dark, pushing a brush and elastic into my icicle like fingers, I fumble around until I get most of her hair into a (only slightly lopsided) ponytail, then collapse back into my nest.
Again, what feels like only minutes later, I awake briefly to an enthusiastic little person shoving a slightly gnawed on slice of pizza into my face. I gurgle for a few minutes and Daddy comes to spirit him away, but not before I wonder, ‘Where the heck did he get pizza for breakfast?’
Several blissful hours pass in a daze of cold medicine mixed with Pepto. The combination of which has caused a pleasant elixir of sleep.
Around noon, my middle daughter has realized What’s going On, and that Mommy will not be making an appearance today, and is boisterously showing her displeasure by conducting a one man band- type protest outside of Mommy’s bedroom door. Joined soon by her impressionable younger brother they bellow and bang to their hearts content until Mommy finally relents to let them in ‘for just a minute.’
Her lovely elixir o’ sleep has worn off and she’s wondering how Daddy can possibly ignore all the noise. Tired dirty heathens crawl into bed with Mommy and ask if they can watch a moo-vie on Mommy’s TV, and again Mommy relents, possibly the elixir messed with her brittle synapses.
Daddy finds his brood asleep and crawls into bed himself, thinking, “She has it so easy here at home.”
Hope everyone is having a blastastic week. R

My name is....

2008-01-28T16:57:00.000-08:00

Rhianna and I am addicted to brownies..
You caught me, I'm a chocaddict. I want to stop, but it's everywhere!!
Just when Christmas is over, Valentine's Day sneaks up with all the speciality chocalates and the cute wrappers.
ARGH.
I am a horrible dieter, because, well, I love the food. My most common way to diet is the stair step diet, (do NOT try this at home, it totally doesn't work) I first cut out pop/soft drinks, I usually give myself a week, week and a half for this particular step. Then I gradually cut out various other bad things until I am (in theory) only eating low carb/ high protein/whole wheat type food.
Again, this does not work. For me. Why? you ask innocently, well, by the time I'm eating feta cheese whole wheat pitas with spinach I really want Diet Dr. Pepper. So, I think, I'm eating really well, one little can won't hurt, the problem? I don't buy ONE can, I buy twelve, by the next weekend, I'm back on the fruity pebble and peanut butter and jelly diet. ho hum.
I do like to exercise though, so I'm hoping this will save me from deathly illness later on, maybe, maybe not.
My point?
Before I go cold turkey off the brownies (or chocolate meth as I will refer to it from here on out) I will be convienantly reviewing various brownies for you RIGHT here! in my blog. If you have a brownie you would like reviewed...just comment or email me and I will happily review your brownie recipe or fave boxed brownie.
Ok, have a great new year and hope everyone's diet is going well!!
R

Another Day another dollar, Oh wait...no.

2008-01-25T09:48:00.000-08:00

I have had craziest week this week.<---Period.
No one was especially sick, I didn't have Kaidyn extra days, it was just madness. I think because everyone was so wildly off their schedules that hullaballoo sort of descended on us. Due to the 'snow day' last week and then the three day break from school (but not from other activities, dance, sports and the like were still on) we were sleeping late/going to bed late, and eating kind of randomly. I'm not a stickler for scheduling on my best days. I like thing to fall within a certain time frame, sure, but if it doesn't happen, I sort of go with the flow. As derailed as we were this week, I am going to have to 'stickle up' about the order of family events. As it stands the girls are going to be candidates for 'SuperNanny' with all their creative get out of bed free schemes, and I won't even tell you how many times Brady has gotten up this week. (a hint:more than the age of him and his siblings added together, ok, more than double that)
Somehow, we muddle through.
My thinking is, well certainly it has to get better at some point. (It is truly hard to think this when you are trooping upstairs in the middle of the night, for the fifth time)
It's my job, and most days, I really love my job. I get frustrated with the amount of responsibility versus the amount of perks and compensations.I'm not understanding how, say, for every diaper I change, I don't get a free manicure credit, or oh, I don't know, writing minutes (like airmiles for mommies, you know what I mean!!)
For right now however, It IS Most Certainly NOT Getting Better, and I haven't worn make-up in about two weeks, written (besides blogs)in at least nine days, ok, I won't terrify you with the details of my wretched week, but I'm just a little frustrated at my childrens lack of general decorum and ability to curb the insanity.
IN other, less depressing news, I'm actually reading the Harry Potter books (note:I would link up a website, but there are so many) and I LOVE THEM! How brilliant is this concept?
I finished Jill Conner Brown's Guide to Raising Children For Fun and Profit, which I highly recommend for a few belly laughs, also, I'll be adding her website ASAP so you can check out her other books as well.
I hope everyone else had a better 'vacation' week. R

Some girls have all the luck

2008-01-21T06:06:00.000-08:00

ME! ME! ME!

Ok, Really I don't have all the luck, if I did, in fact have all the luck, I'd be vacationing in Maui, or at the very least, Florida.
But I don't.
I do, however, have some luck, because I WON(!!!) a doorprize at the booksigning on Friday, whoohooo!
The whole affair was fun and fabulous, not just because I got a day away from the minimemonsters, but I spent practically the whole day in my mothership (bookstores)
Together, my Mom and I got something like 35 new (to us) books.
I also met a REAL LIFE AUTHOR, who writes, you know, BOOKS, and I could have asked her millions of questions, instead I got really red in the face (curse of the freckly red heads) and mumbled something like, you're so pretty. I know, creepy.
Nice lady that she was, HRH Jill Conner Brown, and her husband, the cutest boy in the world were so funny and real and of course gracious, even to borderline stalkery me.
Also, worth mentioning, her whole presentation was better than going to a comedy club for women.
The Guide to raising children for fun and profit, is either her fifth or sixth book and (I believe) the first one in hardback so it's a little pricey, but I bought it anyway, the 22 bucks was well worth it, even just for the show.
The CBITW also takes pictures and makes you feel ridiculously special, so all in all, a great experience, now, If I only didn't dissolve into high school me every time I met someone moderately Kewl, I'd be OK.
R

Why does she smell like nachos?

2008-01-15T06:07:00.000-08:00

My niece Kaidyn, is about five and a half months old, and as I was apparently having minor brain aneurysms when my brother asked me, I watch her a few days a week.
That's right, a five and a half month old, a two year old and a one year old. Don't be surprised that we occasionally do see partridges in pear trees.
Now, I know all kinds of people do this every day. (They are called mothers of multiples, but hey, whatever)
But, I have not quite mastered the Hmmmm how do we say? Patience and balance to achieve all that I need to achieve while still caring for the brood.
Let's just say, some things slip through the cracks. This morning for example, (as a disclaimer, the entire morning up until this point went swimmingly, as a matter of fact, I wasn't the last person dropping off at Union Elementary this morning and we all had breakfast before we left.) I digress. We get home and I'm handing out snacks (Brady-goldfish, Leesy-tortilla chips) I bet you see what's coming.
NOW, I say before I even put my foot in the bathroom, 'Do not feed Kaidyn, she cannot eat what you eat yet'.
I go pee, less than forty seconds and I come back out. (I hold the speed peeing record, seriously) not noticing anything amiss, I start to unload the dishwasher when I hear little mini coughs. Also know, Kaidyn is a bit of a fake cougher, it's her claim to fame, really. But I check it out anyway, cuz well, who knows? Sure enough, she is contentedly gumming away at a tortilla chip. I start to freak out and then remember that well, honestly, freaking out does no-one any good, and I clean up the tortilla chip, take Leesy's snack away, lecture her again on not feeding her toothless cousin toothy type treats, which she ignores, because Lady and the Tramp 2 is on so the point?
Kaidyn still smells like Scoops chips and how am I going to explain why she smells like a Mexican restaurant, again?
The joys of babyhood.
Another proud family milestone? My son learned to say Poo-Poo last week, and every chance he gets cracks himself and his proud father up pointing to anything or anyone and saying it.
I'm getting a little teary just typing about it.
Have a great week! R

We give it away free

2008-01-11T12:34:00.000-08:00

Try not to be horrified.
This is about gas. Not the don't eat raw broccoli type of gas, but the put it in your car go vroom-vroom type gas. It irrritates me that you can fly places more economically than you can drive now. I mean I feel bad for me, but I feel bad for teenagers. When I first started driving, I could go forever on ten bucks worth of gas and a mountain dew. (showing my mountain roots a little), but ten bucks buys exactly 3 gallons worth of gas, give or take. THREE GALLONS!! I know, let it sink in. Just to run my children to their various activities and school is around fifty dollars in my little hatchback supposed to be money savin' car. Don't even think about driving somewhere off the grid. Enough about the economy of gas, it's just depressing.
ON TO----->More exiting things.
OK, not really, but on the 'in case you're interested front' I'll be adding to my books/movies/web sites I'm pimpin' as often as I can, I love visiting people's favorite sites, there's so much stuff out there, it's unbelievable.
thing the second, apparently I need a new blog name, as a lovely kind lady informed me her blog is titled mommy confidential and has been for some time. I'm leaving it while I think up a new name, but if someone has a suggestion, I'm all ears (or would it be eyes?)
thing the third, there's a booksigning at Malaprops on Friday January 18, 2008 by Jill Conner Brown, for her book Guide to raising children for fun and profit. All the Sweet Potato Queen books are fabulous and fun, if a bit irreverent, but I highly recommend picking them up. Or, adversely if you can't make the booksigning (ie, have no interest/inclination to schlepp all the way to Asheville for some author you don't know/much less care about) order one of the books from Amazon OR the next time you're up Asheville way, check out Malaprops, it's one of the great independent bookstores and has a great eclectic selection plus a killer cafe (sidenote:across the street The chocolate Fetish, a handmade chocolate store that is magnificent and ridiculously expensive.
thing the fourth, have a great weekend, much love R

The Litany of Life

2008-01-09T11:08:00.001-08:00

Delight in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

I am a terrible prayer. I know it's a lot like loving, you can't really be bad at it, but I am. Oh, I've had my moments, a good Christmas prayer or a prayer for a friend that was truly on my heart. But, sometimes, it feels as if I'm begging instead of praying. Please God, help me, help me, help me. It would appear to some that I have a dialogue going with the Lord all the time, but that's not so. It's more like a litany of need. Help me, Help Keegan, Help Brady, Help Leesy, Help me (have more patience, be more mindful, more courteous) When I catch myself doing it, I stop immediately and thank Him for three blessings (at least) my childrens' health, our happiness, the peace He gives us. I like to think the Lord forgives me my rudeness. I am, after all, a complete mess, or to be kind, a work in progress. I do want you to know, that when you ask me to pray for you, I do. Even though my delivery is rusty, my intent is pure. I'm sure the Lord knows, because, he answers an awful lot of my prayers.
Have a great day. R

'That' guy makes me roll my eyes

2008-01-08T08:51:00.000-08:00

There's a popular new book out by Dr. Travis Stork called Don't be That girl. I've personally not read the book, but it's looks to be pretty funny while also being helpful. In fact, Dr. Phil was so taken with it, that he featured Dr. Stork on his show in order to help all those 'that' girls out there. (OH, and a show he was conproducing will star Dr. Stork this fall. this was mentioned no less than six times) I love Dr. Phil, I think he's hilarious and usually right on the money, however, Dr. Stork is one of my 'that' guys. So today, I'd like to tell you all about the men I didn't pick and why they were a 'that' guy. I'd love to hear yours as well.
1. (and possibly most annoying) The guys like Dr. Stork, they can tell you all about what's wrong with you, but you start point your (well polished, spoken and educated) finger at them and it's lights out baby. This guy was a BACHELOR for pete's sake. They hand pick those girls for him. There's a reason he's still single. I'm just saying.
2. The I can't remember your name guy. You know him, he's always calling you babe, honey or boobookitty and your brother sport or buddy, and your dog poochie. I have a big family, buddy, learn some names.
3. The 'I'm focused on another girl' guy. I dated waaaay too many of these loosers, and the kicker? I knew it at the time that I was just a stand in, but I was so insecure, I let it happen(which, BTW, makes me a 'that' girl)
4.The 'he likes you more than you like him' guy. He's a 'that' guy for alot of reasons, but the one or possibly two of these guys that I went out with were so needy that I felt wanted and needed. It's dysfunctional, it's wrong, but it's usually good for some nice resturants! what?? guys do it to us all the time.
5. The 'I'm never getting married' guy. I've not had any personal experience with this, but so many of my still single friends complain about it. It's like jerk insurance. They tell you up front that they never want to commit, have kids, get married or really do anything but play xbox and occassionally hook up, and so, that makes it ok that they never call unless they are a. in a wedding and need a date. b. want you to cook and poss. show some love or c. telling you that 'it's not working out and they are engaged to a co-worker'.

I've been married for awhile so my 'that' guys may be old school, but I think they still slink around.
Also, another word on being that girl. Be you. That's who you are.
R

No Experience Needed

2008-01-07T17:49:00.000-08:00

Things that will help you with raising your children (or: what to do before you have kids)
1. Learn time management.
2. Take a small monkey to a public place and/or resturant. (this will be similiar to taking 1-3 under 5 year olds, possibly the monkey will eat it's 3.99 entree, but maybe not)
3. Take a road trip with either the same monkey or a nine month pregnant woman (you're going to have to stop 6 bazillion times, so this is good training, for good measure, maybe you should bring along a repeating tape that says...are we there yet? He/She pulled my hair/touched me/ate my snack/ or otherwise invaded my space.)
4. Throw your savings account out your window...you may cry..I understand.
5. Prepare to be amazed my the most giving wonderful creatures you'll ever meet. (That doesn't mean you won't want to kill, maim or sell them to gypsies at some point..again, I understand)

This is all in fun. I love my kids and would do anything for them, but the truth of the truth is..the best things in life are the hardest things.
Welcome to my new hodgepodge blog.
My name is Rhianna..(say it like Re anna..Anna again)
I have three kids under the age of 5, I stay home with them and am an aspiring writer.
Some of my blogs will be about my writing (and my writing struggles, rejection/thanks but..still rejection and even more rejection), some will be about my friends, some will be about my journey with my faith, some will just be plain about my day..So enjoy and invite me to your blog..I'm an avid reader and I love new stuff..so write to me, recommend to me..I can't wait to hear it. R