Friday, February 15, 2008

It's not you, it's you.

It's not a huge state secret that I dated ALOT before I met Mike, fell in love and settled down. Especially now that I'm blogging it. Even though it's the day after Valentine's Day I wanted to say a few things about fate and how we end up where we are in life. I never thought I would be as happy as I am with my life.
I didn't expect to be miserable and lonely or maybe I did. I think what really happened is I didn't really allow myself to be happy. It's tremendously hard to be a child of divorce, because you will always be uncertain. You will always hold a little part of yourself back, wondering and waiting for the bottom to fall out. I had a V. bad attitude about dating, marriage and love in general. So, I kind of had an unspoken rule that I would pretty much go out with anyone who asked once barring an arrest warrent or prision tatoos. FYI, this is a horrible idea and I would not recommend it to anyone.
This is how I ended up going on dates with guys who forgot their wallets, guys who didn't have a valid drivers liscense, guys who were just plain mean and stupid. Of course it's also how I ended up going out with Mike.
I'd reached a point where I was fed up with the whole thing. I was young, naive and utterly convinced that I was too ugly and weird to find someone really good.
But, I think God knows when you are at the end of your rope. He knows it's darkest before the dawn. Barely six months out of an abusive, unhealthy and disfunctional relationship, I met Mike. I remember the very first time I saw him. I won't lie and say there were fireworks, but his eyes, wow, just Wow.
It took him over six weeks to ask me out, 'hey, if we're going to get married, we should see a movie or something' I know, what a smoothie, right? The rest, to coin a phrase, is history.
He's the funniest, the smartest, the most kind guy I know. We married young, and we are both children of divorce, so the odds are heavily against us. We know that, and we deal with it alot.
But I really do love him, and I know there are people who say love isn't enough, but to me, it's more than enough. I know the kind of love I have with Mike is a gift. It's a gift from a benevolent and loving God who heard a little girls prayers. It's a gift I will never take lightly, because I know He only trusts us with the gifts we can handle.
So, on Valentine's Day and every day, be thankful for your Gift.
Happy Valentine's Friends. R

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Rhianna, I just checked out your blog it is pretty cool. I hope things are well... Everyone looks great. Well, I wish I could say the same on our end...Matt and I have been separated for about a month and this weekend he went to Texas...left us w/nothing. No money, no way to know if or when he is coming back. So please please keep us in your prayers and I hope I do a good job w/my kids that they will do okay. I want the very best for them. We are taking it just one day at a time. Take Care!!!