Thursday, January 31, 2008

TAG-Not the body spray.

Viscous flirt I was back in the day, I loved the game of tag, not so much now that I'm a grown up and well, running is not my strong suit.
So, I've been tagged my Misty, a lovely girl I went to high school with that I must now break up with because she has tagged me on the blogs and in the spirit of chain letters, you are supposed to tag five or ten more people, but my dear bloggy friends DO NOT FEAR!
I will do my part and tell you five funky unknown wacky facts about myself, but I refuse to pass this on...I'm wondering if this will affect the presumed bad luck. Oh well. On with the show.
Wacky Fact One: I don't have any webbed digits, but I know over ten people who do. I know, wacky right?
Wacky Fact Two: I would love to try out for Amercian Idol, despite my decided lack of talent, which a chorus teacher once called, blissfully mediocre. I'm telling you, you can't make this stuff up.
Wacky Fact Three: I love fashion, even though I have the exact opposite body of what fashionable items generally look attractive on. I mean LOVE LOVE, like I read Vogue and even thumb through French Vogue when I know I can't possibly understand the words.
Wacky Fact Four: I have waited tables in over fifteen different resturants, wrap your mind around that. If you need inside info on your fave night out night spot, chances are I worked there at some point or know someone who did.
Wacky Fact Five: I secretly think I look like a boy with long hair and boobs. don't tell my husband.
Whew. Now that we're all done with that, on to post number two for the writing contest...
Toddler Talents. I will be posting a poll or something tomorrow with choice three so you can vote, email, text or smoke signal your opinion.
Without further ADO!!

One of the most exiting things about having children is when they reach ‘milestones.’ The blessed rights of passage upon which you hang all shreds of dignity, and most of your pride. These milestones include walking, talking, holding a toy, getting a tooth, and crawling just to name a few. This is about the lesser known rights of passage that all children reach but we don’t brag to everyone from the Wal-mart checker to our dentist about. It’s about a special set of skills, Toddler Talents.
Popular Opinion varies greatly about when children are actually ‘toddlers’. It can encompass anytime between nine months to three years. I’m of the school of thought that Toddlers are children whose physical abilities have surpassed their mental capabilities. It’s a beautiful and wonderful time. It’s a time for pharmaceutical intervention if there ever was one.
Unmentionable Talent One (Boys excel at this particular skill, but it’s not male exclusive by any stretch)-Nose Picking-Hey Mom I found my nose and its contents all in one day!
Unmentionable Talent Two-Stripping and/or Streaking-Everyone knows naked is better and once children can figure a way out of all clothing, well, you might as well turn the heat up.
Unmentionable Talent Three-Sippy Cup Soaker-If you thought notebook paper and one months worth of bill wouldn’t absorb a sippy cup full of Sunny Delight, you thought wrong. I can drink and pour and drink and pour!
Unmentionable Talent Four-The Shoe/Doll/Book Shot putt- If handing you something you ask for is good, throwing must be better, right? Wrong. So so so wrong. I’ve been hit with so many toys; I can feasibly blame my poor memory on concussions.
Unmentionable Talent Five-The Total Store meltdown-lacking the verbal skills to tell you exactly what your darling child is desiring must be frustrating, however, when the point and grunt caveman method fails to work, watch OUT!! I suggest shopping without toddlers and barring that scenario, take back-up people, who can sprint to the car with the potential meltdownee, preferably a doting grandparent or aunt.
I won’t even mention the advanced course of Toddler Talents, best to leave that for later. I will tell you that you won’t recognize your Mom and Dad once you have children. Best of luck with that. Also, in the face of any new and special toddler talents, resist the urge to say, ‘Why?’ As in, why did you shave the cat and put icing on your doll? Even if they can somehow communicate a reason, you don’t want to know. Trust me.

Also, I finally, finally renamed my blog because I hate being a copycat. The Dr. Pepper wishes and Chicken finger dreams is a play on the Champagne wishes and Caviar dreams. Champagne OK, Caviar, not so much.
Best, R

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

What a difference a day makes.

I can only assume you are no idiot, blog reader and know that a Mommy 'sick day' is a lot like 'paid leave' before your probationary period at work, it doesn't exist outside the fable world. My hubby stayed home to help me recoup yesterday, and I madly, passionately appreciate it.
Am I better today?
Um, well....ON to other things, all sorts of exiting goings on.
My aunt Sharon (who's MySpace page I've tried to link like five times, but it is not working, she's in my top friends, check her out) who is sooooooo supportive of my writing endeavors let me know about a writing contest that's right up my alley and I'm super exited. I will be posting possible entries right here on this very blog and I would love to hear your opinions on what I should enter.
This is an Erma Bombeck contest, and she was a fabulous, funny woman who was well ahead of her time and I hope you'll check this out, it takes a minute, but it's absolutely worth every it.
The Chocolate Meth reviews start tomorrow with Ghiradelli Turtle brownies. Can't you taste them? Yum-O. That was a Raechel Ray reference for those not down with RR.
In otherwise only interesting to me news, Cassie Edwards, sucessful romance novelist has been accused of plaigarism for not crediting her sources sufficently, she says that she was unaware that sources needed to be cited. UMM, did she never write a freakin' essay??
I am scared to death not only of being plaigarized, but of inadvertantly plaigarizing someone. I mean, it seems almost every idea out there has been HAD at one time or other and all that's left is to put a new spin on the old mess, but that's only when I'm being blahhhhh.
This is possible entry for Erma Bombecks writing contest number 1 Mommy's Sick Day:
The alarm pings, and after approximately five hours of seeing last nights dinner in reverse, it’s the last noise I want to hear. I slug my blissfully sleeping beloved on the ear until he shuts it off. Then I mumble, “I’m sick.” He pretends, rather successfully, to not hear me until I slug him one more time. He emerges, beautiful and drowsy from beneath mountains of blankets and pillows, and cracks one eye at me, “ ‘Smatter?” he asks.
I repeat that I am sick, that my body temperature is hovering just below boiling and I was up for most of the night vomiting like I was two months pregnant. Alas, I need help, of the husband staying home from work variety. Because I never, ever ask this the Love of my Life agrees immediately, and I drift back off to sleep.
Minutes later, I feel breath on my cheek, “Mommy?” my five year old scream-whispers. “Yes, baby?” I mutter into my pillow, hoping fervently that I’m not about to settle a cereal v. waffle type dispute.
“Will you do my hair?” she grins at me in the dark, pushing a brush and elastic into my icicle like fingers, I fumble around until I get most of her hair into a (only slightly lopsided) ponytail, then collapse back into my nest.
Again, what feels like only minutes later, I awake briefly to an enthusiastic little person shoving a slightly gnawed on slice of pizza into my face. I gurgle for a few minutes and Daddy comes to spirit him away, but not before I wonder, ‘Where the heck did he get pizza for breakfast?’
Several blissful hours pass in a daze of cold medicine mixed with Pepto. The combination of which has caused a pleasant elixir of sleep.
Around noon, my middle daughter has realized What’s going On, and that Mommy will not be making an appearance today, and is boisterously showing her displeasure by conducting a one man band- type protest outside of Mommy’s bedroom door. Joined soon by her impressionable younger brother they bellow and bang to their hearts content until Mommy finally relents to let them in ‘for just a minute.’
Her lovely elixir o’ sleep has worn off and she’s wondering how Daddy can possibly ignore all the noise. Tired dirty heathens crawl into bed with Mommy and ask if they can watch a moo-vie on Mommy’s TV, and again Mommy relents, possibly the elixir messed with her brittle synapses.
Daddy finds his brood asleep and crawls into bed himself, thinking, “She has it so easy here at home.”
Hope everyone is having a blastastic week. R

Monday, January 28, 2008

My name is....

Rhianna and I am addicted to brownies..
You caught me, I'm a chocaddict. I want to stop, but it's everywhere!!
Just when Christmas is over, Valentine's Day sneaks up with all the speciality chocalates and the cute wrappers.
I am a horrible dieter, because, well, I love the food. My most common way to diet is the stair step diet, (do NOT try this at home, it totally doesn't work) I first cut out pop/soft drinks, I usually give myself a week, week and a half for this particular step. Then I gradually cut out various other bad things until I am (in theory) only eating low carb/ high protein/whole wheat type food.
Again, this does not work. For me. Why? you ask innocently, well, by the time I'm eating feta cheese whole wheat pitas with spinach I really want Diet Dr. Pepper. So, I think, I'm eating really well, one little can won't hurt, the problem? I don't buy ONE can, I buy twelve, by the next weekend, I'm back on the fruity pebble and peanut butter and jelly diet. ho hum.
I do like to exercise though, so I'm hoping this will save me from deathly illness later on, maybe, maybe not.
My point?
Before I go cold turkey off the brownies (or chocolate meth as I will refer to it from here on out) I will be convienantly reviewing various brownies for you RIGHT here! in my blog. If you have a brownie you would like reviewed...just comment or email me and I will happily review your brownie recipe or fave boxed brownie.
Ok, have a great new year and hope everyone's diet is going well!!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Another Day another dollar, Oh

I have had craziest week this week.<---Period.
No one was especially sick, I didn't have Kaidyn extra days, it was just madness. I think because everyone was so wildly off their schedules that hullaballoo sort of descended on us. Due to the 'snow day' last week and then the three day break from school (but not from other activities, dance, sports and the like were still on) we were sleeping late/going to bed late, and eating kind of randomly. I'm not a stickler for scheduling on my best days. I like thing to fall within a certain time frame, sure, but if it doesn't happen, I sort of go with the flow. As derailed as we were this week, I am going to have to 'stickle up' about the order of family events. As it stands the girls are going to be candidates for 'SuperNanny' with all their creative get out of bed free schemes, and I won't even tell you how many times Brady has gotten up this week. (a hint:more than the age of him and his siblings added together, ok, more than double that)
Somehow, we muddle through.
My thinking is, well certainly it has to get better at some point. (It is truly hard to think this when you are trooping upstairs in the middle of the night, for the fifth time)
It's my job, and most days, I really love my job. I get frustrated with the amount of responsibility versus the amount of perks and compensations.I'm not understanding how, say, for every diaper I change, I don't get a free manicure credit, or oh, I don't know, writing minutes (like airmiles for mommies, you know what I mean!!)
For right now however, It IS Most Certainly NOT Getting Better, and I haven't worn make-up in about two weeks, written (besides blogs)in at least nine days, ok, I won't terrify you with the details of my wretched week, but I'm just a little frustrated at my childrens lack of general decorum and ability to curb the insanity.
IN other, less depressing news, I'm actually reading the Harry Potter books (note:I would link up a website, but there are so many) and I LOVE THEM! How brilliant is this concept?
I finished Jill Conner Brown's Guide to Raising Children For Fun and Profit, which I highly recommend for a few belly laughs, also, I'll be adding her website ASAP so you can check out her other books as well.
I hope everyone else had a better 'vacation' week. R

Monday, January 21, 2008

Some girls have all the luck


Ok, Really I don't have all the luck, if I did, in fact have all the luck, I'd be vacationing in Maui, or at the very least, Florida.
But I don't.
I do, however, have some luck, because I WON(!!!) a doorprize at the booksigning on Friday, whoohooo!
The whole affair was fun and fabulous, not just because I got a day away from the minimemonsters, but I spent practically the whole day in my mothership (bookstores)
Together, my Mom and I got something like 35 new (to us) books.
I also met a REAL LIFE AUTHOR, who writes, you know, BOOKS, and I could have asked her millions of questions, instead I got really red in the face (curse of the freckly red heads) and mumbled something like, you're so pretty. I know, creepy.
Nice lady that she was, HRH Jill Conner Brown, and her husband, the cutest boy in the world were so funny and real and of course gracious, even to borderline stalkery me.
Also, worth mentioning, her whole presentation was better than going to a comedy club for women.
The Guide to raising children for fun and profit, is either her fifth or sixth book and (I believe) the first one in hardback so it's a little pricey, but I bought it anyway, the 22 bucks was well worth it, even just for the show.
The CBITW also takes pictures and makes you feel ridiculously special, so all in all, a great experience, now, If I only didn't dissolve into high school me every time I met someone moderately Kewl, I'd be OK.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why does she smell like nachos?

My niece Kaidyn, is about five and a half months old, and as I was apparently having minor brain aneurysms when my brother asked me, I watch her a few days a week.
That's right, a five and a half month old, a two year old and a one year old. Don't be surprised that we occasionally do see partridges in pear trees.
Now, I know all kinds of people do this every day. (They are called mothers of multiples, but hey, whatever)
But, I have not quite mastered the Hmmmm how do we say? Patience and balance to achieve all that I need to achieve while still caring for the brood.
Let's just say, some things slip through the cracks. This morning for example, (as a disclaimer, the entire morning up until this point went swimmingly, as a matter of fact, I wasn't the last person dropping off at Union Elementary this morning and we all had breakfast before we left.) I digress. We get home and I'm handing out snacks (Brady-goldfish, Leesy-tortilla chips) I bet you see what's coming.
NOW, I say before I even put my foot in the bathroom, 'Do not feed Kaidyn, she cannot eat what you eat yet'.
I go pee, less than forty seconds and I come back out. (I hold the speed peeing record, seriously) not noticing anything amiss, I start to unload the dishwasher when I hear little mini coughs. Also know, Kaidyn is a bit of a fake cougher, it's her claim to fame, really. But I check it out anyway, cuz well, who knows? Sure enough, she is contentedly gumming away at a tortilla chip. I start to freak out and then remember that well, honestly, freaking out does no-one any good, and I clean up the tortilla chip, take Leesy's snack away, lecture her again on not feeding her toothless cousin toothy type treats, which she ignores, because Lady and the Tramp 2 is on so the point?
Kaidyn still smells like Scoops chips and how am I going to explain why she smells like a Mexican restaurant, again?
The joys of babyhood.
Another proud family milestone? My son learned to say Poo-Poo last week, and every chance he gets cracks himself and his proud father up pointing to anything or anyone and saying it.
I'm getting a little teary just typing about it.
Have a great week! R

Friday, January 11, 2008

We give it away free

Try not to be horrified.
This is about gas. Not the don't eat raw broccoli type of gas, but the put it in your car go vroom-vroom type gas. It irrritates me that you can fly places more economically than you can drive now. I mean I feel bad for me, but I feel bad for teenagers. When I first started driving, I could go forever on ten bucks worth of gas and a mountain dew. (showing my mountain roots a little), but ten bucks buys exactly 3 gallons worth of gas, give or take. THREE GALLONS!! I know, let it sink in. Just to run my children to their various activities and school is around fifty dollars in my little hatchback supposed to be money savin' car. Don't even think about driving somewhere off the grid. Enough about the economy of gas, it's just depressing.
ON TO----->More exiting things.
OK, not really, but on the 'in case you're interested front' I'll be adding to my books/movies/web sites I'm pimpin' as often as I can, I love visiting people's favorite sites, there's so much stuff out there, it's unbelievable.
thing the second, apparently I need a new blog name, as a lovely kind lady informed me her blog is titled mommy confidential and has been for some time. I'm leaving it while I think up a new name, but if someone has a suggestion, I'm all ears (or would it be eyes?)
thing the third, there's a booksigning at Malaprops on Friday January 18, 2008 by Jill Conner Brown, for her book Guide to raising children for fun and profit. All the Sweet Potato Queen books are fabulous and fun, if a bit irreverent, but I highly recommend picking them up. Or, adversely if you can't make the booksigning (ie, have no interest/inclination to schlepp all the way to Asheville for some author you don't know/much less care about) order one of the books from Amazon OR the next time you're up Asheville way, check out Malaprops, it's one of the great independent bookstores and has a great eclectic selection plus a killer cafe (sidenote:across the street The chocolate Fetish, a handmade chocolate store that is magnificent and ridiculously expensive.
thing the fourth, have a great weekend, much love R

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Litany of Life

Delight in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

I am a terrible prayer. I know it's a lot like loving, you can't really be bad at it, but I am. Oh, I've had my moments, a good Christmas prayer or a prayer for a friend that was truly on my heart. But, sometimes, it feels as if I'm begging instead of praying. Please God, help me, help me, help me. It would appear to some that I have a dialogue going with the Lord all the time, but that's not so. It's more like a litany of need. Help me, Help Keegan, Help Brady, Help Leesy, Help me (have more patience, be more mindful, more courteous) When I catch myself doing it, I stop immediately and thank Him for three blessings (at least) my childrens' health, our happiness, the peace He gives us. I like to think the Lord forgives me my rudeness. I am, after all, a complete mess, or to be kind, a work in progress. I do want you to know, that when you ask me to pray for you, I do. Even though my delivery is rusty, my intent is pure. I'm sure the Lord knows, because, he answers an awful lot of my prayers.
Have a great day. R

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

'That' guy makes me roll my eyes

There's a popular new book out by Dr. Travis Stork called Don't be That girl. I've personally not read the book, but it's looks to be pretty funny while also being helpful. In fact, Dr. Phil was so taken with it, that he featured Dr. Stork on his show in order to help all those 'that' girls out there. (OH, and a show he was conproducing will star Dr. Stork this fall. this was mentioned no less than six times) I love Dr. Phil, I think he's hilarious and usually right on the money, however, Dr. Stork is one of my 'that' guys. So today, I'd like to tell you all about the men I didn't pick and why they were a 'that' guy. I'd love to hear yours as well.
1. (and possibly most annoying) The guys like Dr. Stork, they can tell you all about what's wrong with you, but you start point your (well polished, spoken and educated) finger at them and it's lights out baby. This guy was a BACHELOR for pete's sake. They hand pick those girls for him. There's a reason he's still single. I'm just saying.
2. The I can't remember your name guy. You know him, he's always calling you babe, honey or boobookitty and your brother sport or buddy, and your dog poochie. I have a big family, buddy, learn some names.
3. The 'I'm focused on another girl' guy. I dated waaaay too many of these loosers, and the kicker? I knew it at the time that I was just a stand in, but I was so insecure, I let it happen(which, BTW, makes me a 'that' girl)
4.The 'he likes you more than you like him' guy. He's a 'that' guy for alot of reasons, but the one or possibly two of these guys that I went out with were so needy that I felt wanted and needed. It's dysfunctional, it's wrong, but it's usually good for some nice resturants! what?? guys do it to us all the time.
5. The 'I'm never getting married' guy. I've not had any personal experience with this, but so many of my still single friends complain about it. It's like jerk insurance. They tell you up front that they never want to commit, have kids, get married or really do anything but play xbox and occassionally hook up, and so, that makes it ok that they never call unless they are a. in a wedding and need a date. b. want you to cook and poss. show some love or c. telling you that 'it's not working out and they are engaged to a co-worker'.

I've been married for awhile so my 'that' guys may be old school, but I think they still slink around.
Also, another word on being that girl. Be you. That's who you are.

Monday, January 7, 2008

No Experience Needed

Things that will help you with raising your children (or: what to do before you have kids)
1. Learn time management.
2. Take a small monkey to a public place and/or resturant. (this will be similiar to taking 1-3 under 5 year olds, possibly the monkey will eat it's 3.99 entree, but maybe not)
3. Take a road trip with either the same monkey or a nine month pregnant woman (you're going to have to stop 6 bazillion times, so this is good training, for good measure, maybe you should bring along a repeating tape that says...are we there yet? He/She pulled my hair/touched me/ate my snack/ or otherwise invaded my space.)
4. Throw your savings account out your may cry..I understand.
5. Prepare to be amazed my the most giving wonderful creatures you'll ever meet. (That doesn't mean you won't want to kill, maim or sell them to gypsies at some point..again, I understand)

This is all in fun. I love my kids and would do anything for them, but the truth of the truth is..the best things in life are the hardest things.
Welcome to my new hodgepodge blog.
My name is Rhianna..(say it like Re anna..Anna again)
I have three kids under the age of 5, I stay home with them and am an aspiring writer.
Some of my blogs will be about my writing (and my writing struggles, rejection/thanks but..still rejection and even more rejection), some will be about my friends, some will be about my journey with my faith, some will just be plain about my day..So enjoy and invite me to your blog..I'm an avid reader and I love new write to me, recommend to me..I can't wait to hear it. R