Thursday, March 27, 2008


A whole week has passed since I have blogged, but, in grand procrastinator style I am ready for a massive missive. (See what I did there? Funny right? OH, nevermind)

Before I start in on who won what and who gets who and what we did for Easter (WAAAAY more than we should've but dang it, it's the holidays) I'd just like to say, What is the DEAL with consignment sales? No matter how many times I participate in something like this, I am always amazed by how juvenile adults can act when NOT GETTING THEIR WAY. While I was dropping off my huge pile of mess, so was some other mother who clearly tagged her items in the dark. The wonderfully nice lady who runs our Weeruns sale, was, I thought, being very diplomatic, but the mad blind lady ending up dragging her stained stuff back to the minivan screeching, 'I'm telling all my friends about this!'. Me, too sistah, me, too! I hate, hate, hate when my stuff gets rejected, but that's life! You can't always see what they see, but you do have to make an effort. Any how, it bears mentioning, the last time I volunteered at Weeruns, I saw someone shoplifting. REALLY? Stealing secondhand stuff? Wouldn't it make more sense to get busted for something worth more than two dollars? Geez.

And now, some Bradyese for your entertainment.

Wea keegah?- Where's Keegan?

Wea wissy?-Where's Leesy?

Wea daaaaadeeeee?-Father, Mother is not giving the one and only object of my very own heart's desire and I feel we must consult on this, you know, man-to-man.

kuckuck-I'd like a sucker, please, from my Easter basket, which I will take one lick from then play with for fifteen minutes then twist into my sisters hair, and giggle while Mommy curses, stomps and yells while flailing the scissors.

Out-Up, as in on the bed, where I can jump and possibly break arm, neck or sisters cranium.

bee-beep book neeoow peas- Please read my car book for the eight hundred fifty seventh time, please. I love you, aren't I soooo cute?and now.....drumrolll....
Becky wins!
Keegan drew from the FIVE entries (only five, I was really looking for some great books guys! it was a holiday weekend though, as my husband points out, maybe I'm asking too much)
Becky recommended Demons and Angels (I believe) which I couldn't read, at least not after the DaVinci Code, which I had to read with a dictionary and shot of whiskey (kidding about the alcohol, not so much the dictionary)but on Bex bringing it to my attention, maybe I'll dust it off. So, send me your info and I'll send your gift cards ASAP.

I will try to squeeze in one more contest in March, but no promises.

Hope everyone had a good Easter. We, of course, traveled (because what is the option? Stay home? then everyone converges on you, to see the children, and you are expected to feed, clothe and fix any and all familial disputes that may arise. No thanks, we'll pay six hundred bucks for gas to head all over with our exhausted children and swollen with too much food bellies.) All of our families were good, if a bit busy and tired. It was good to see everyone, however brief. Glad to be home however and Mike did have Mon and Tues off as well, so we had some time to recuperate, but I have a cold that I picked up somewhere (rest stop? random McDonald's?Brady rubbing his snot on my cheek?) which is minor compared to the Earache Asian Bird Projectile Virus we've all just got over. In an effort to contain the sniffles we're kind of home bound, which is OK, since sometimes our play dates tend to resemble Wrestlemania on speed.
I think April is going to be either Random Book Review Month or Memories Of My children that I haven't yet managed to erase with lack of sleep or Momnesia. ( A real word, I promise!)
I like having a subject matter to start with, otherwise I tend to ramble (I know, who me?)
If you have Memories that Are TOO FUNNY not to share, please do so, or if you have a great Random Book you'd like reviewed (even if it's your own!) please let me know.
I'm also compiling a list of MY Favorite things, which Holly and Kendra have both done, but I think I'm going to do a Mommy version and a Baby version of things I myself couldn't live without and things I envy being invented after my children were too old to use them. Then an adult version (not too adult, I know what a perv I need to point it out!I totally didn't see the dolphins.ARGH!)If you have something to add to this, I'd also like to know.
Have a great rest of the week, back to our regularly scheduled programming next week. OH well.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Past my expiration date.

Hello, hope everyone is having a good week. It's been crazy here (let me be honest, when is it not crazy here?)I've been busy like my friend Kendra getting ready for the consignment sales. When she mentioned how many items she took, my jaw dropped, but we're climbing towards that ourselves. I mentioned at MOPS that I would hook everyone up with the dates for those sales and they are on the same days but the times vary a little so PLEASE check the websites for directions and times they are open.
Weeruns starts April 5th (for the public, if you consign you can shop early which I highly recommend even though it's crazy) and goes through April 13th, they are open through the week, but as I said, check times.
Freckles n Pigtails starts April 5th for the public and goes through April 13th as well, she is also still taking consignment appointments, check the site for details. Please forward this to anyone who needs the info.
Now for the next contest, it's twofer.
A ten dollar target gift card and ten dollar McDonald's gift cards (I'm giving away from my stash of gift cards, I don't really need McDonald's...hehe)
All you have to do is post a comment about your the best book you've read in the last year (I know you've got something Ashley!) either here or on MySpace (link to the right, the other right) I can't wait to hear. It can be fiction, non fiction, picture book, children's book, whatever.
I wish I had pictures, but I got a killer haircut (it didn't magically make me thirty pounds thinner or pay off all my debt or make my children behave in church, it just felt like it did)Thanks to Ashley from Affinity Salon and Spa ( I poached her from Dori, but you can too, she's very generous like that!) The reason this is such big news is, well, my last haircut kind of looked like the girl who cut it hated me. NO kidding. It looked like I was up for the role of angry lesbian. I cried for at least two weeks. In private, but still. I'm not sure when I'll close the contest, but probably next Wednesday. We have lots o' Easter activities planned, as I hope all of you do. Here's hoping my kids can stay clean long enough for ONE picture!
PS. I just spell checked and did you know MySpace is not in the dictionary? Crazy.
McDonald's is!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


I'm the certain girl who worries about the size of her thighs when she should be worried about the size of her mouth.

Monday, March 17, 2008

hell in a handbag.

Before I announce the winner, I am planning to bore you with what kind of certain girl I am. BUT first a message from my sponsors...
OK, that was a joke. Normal Mommies from nowherespecial USA do not have sponsors...yet. But I'm willing to sell ad space on my forehead to pay for my children's college. Just be aware.
I have some new links to the side, visit my friends buy their books, do a good deed.
Without further ado,
I'm a certain girl who loves to read but always wants to know the end before I get there.
I'm a certain girl who loves thunderstorms, but hates the mud.
A certain girl who would die without her cell phone, but would never admit it.
A certain girl who is afraid, but is really afraid to show it.
I'm a certain girl who loves pocketbooks, but kind of shelved my obsession when I traded handbags for diaperbags.
A certain girl who is mostly proud of herself, but in her private mind wonders why. I'm the girl you think you may know, but you have no idea.

Sometimes, I'm not any of these girls.
And the winner esss....
Maribel from California who sez (via myspace message):
I'm the certain girl who wakes up crying and laughs at herself, and I'm the certain girl who will never know why I do..
So, send me your contact info and I'll spirit your book to you. Thanks again to all who entered, I felt really supported, I got about nineteen total entries and that totally wows me to think that many people read my blog. ( I know, to the people who get like a thousand hits a day, it's no big deal, but for a girl who's officially done nothing's huge)
In things I'm pimpin' news a really funny girl just published a really funny book and it's called Unpredictable. I do not have a signed copy, but I may give away my copy just to spread the word for a great first time author.
Jen L. is having an essay contest to give away Advance copies of Such a pretty fat on her blog and myspace site (you can only enter once) If you have a great diet story, you should totally enter.
That concludes this broadcast day!
Will post for the new contest two-morrow or Wednesday.
Hope everyone got pinched today!

Friday, March 14, 2008

My vacation home in Egypt.

Thanks to all the certain girls who've entered so far! I'll be randomly picking a winner on Monday, so you still have time to tell me what kind of CERTAIN GIRL you are to win a FREE signed Copy of GOOD IN BED.
I can't decide if I'll be posting more or less now that I finally have a laptop because, obviously (or hopefully) I'll be working more towards getting published. I think I'm going to have to ban myself from writers sites for awhile because it's all very doomsday right now.
I read today that only one in around one hundred and sixty submissions even get thoroughly read. Blech. I can't decide if I have the chutzpah to keep at this in spite of the rejection. Honestly I've never been great with rejection. Or criticism. Or constructive criticism.
I'm not sure why, I just get really defensive. I'm going to have to toughen up at least a little though because it's all a part of writing. Ho hum.
I've been living in denial (get it? my vacation home in Egypt? the Nile river? Denial? OK, maybe it's not as clever as I thought.) for a bit about my weight. I mean, certainly I knew I was heavier than I needed to be, but I exercise regularly (OK, semi regularly) and I like to workout. Sure given a choice between grilled chicken and a donut, I'm going straight for the yeasty yummy goodness. But last year, both my parents had life threatening illnesses. Now, not both of them were because of unhealthy lifestyles, but I still felt a pressing need to get my own health in order. First order of business, the doctor, who told me in no uncertain terms that My First Order of Business would be to change my diet, and to exercise. It's a bit of a reality check when your kind sweet doctor tells you that the time has come to get busy loosing the booty.
The problem is, I'm far more comfortable with my body than I ever was in my teens. Or even my early twenties. I mean, I realize that I'm too short to carry a lot of weight and carry it well, and looking like a city road map with your clothes off is not really how I prefer to look. But, I'm proud of what I've done with my body, I've carried and delivered (by C-section, but still) three healthy wonderful children. I've fed them, and kept them warm with the same body that I couldn't seem to cover up enough when I was still wearing single digit numbers. Now, I know that there's nothing wrong with a little weight, but a little weight is not my problem. I don't think Oprah or the ubiquitous Dr. Phil are going to have to come cut the side of my house off soon, but I definitely need to get healthy.
Being the late starter I am, I guess I'll call this my New Years Resolution. I don't want to make it about loosing weight, though, because that can get oppressive. I want to make it about being healthy. Maybe then I can vacation at the beach without being covered from head to toe.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


I'm changing my name to Jen, or Jenny or Jennifer.
And I'll tell you why. Everyone with a book deal has this particular moniker.
(I know, I'm exaggerating, but it seems all the good Jens are taken)
My favorite author, Jennifer Weiner, has a new book coming out in April, Certain Girls and I can't WAIT!! In honor of this Jennifer I have a signed copy of her first book, Good in Bed to GIVEAWAY, and it's signed, by the Jennifer herself. All you have to do a comment or send me an email telling me what kind of CERTAIN girl you are. That easy.
Also, Jenny Gardiner, who I have mentioned before, noted author of Sleeping with Ward Cleaver has the distint pleasure of having her book go into a second printing. To all the non-bookies, this means her book is so popular they have to MAKE MORE, which means, more money for her now and more popularity for what will certainly be a fabu second book.
Jen Lancaster another hilarious girl has a third book coming out this summer, Such a Pretty Fat, Read about it here.

NOW, to complain.
Baby Registry. Argh, just ARGH!
I have three children and so I know the necessity of online registry, and of course the convienance of doing so. But, when you register online, please register for things that are also available IN THE STORE!!(DORI!)
My bestest, bestest, most wonderful friend Dori is having her second child, a girl. And, being the groovy kind of friend I am, I'm throwing a shower. (not by myself, but ......anyway I digress)Dori and I grew up together. Not as children mind you, but we met in our early twenties and have been friends since a bit before we both got married. So, when we finally decided to Grow UP, (which I'm not quite sure we have yet) we did do it together. She is the best.
She's a Fierce Online shopper. Me, not so much.
I'm what I like to call a 'Physical shopper'. I have to touch it, smell it, try it on, walk it around the get my point.
Dori registered online.
I shopped in the store.
Nine things on her registry were available in the store. By the time I schlepped my too-wide tush to the store, I had the option of buying an emergency ear wax removal kit, or some bibs.
Let me clarify. I like buying fun gifts, and did I mention Dori is having her first girl? Ear wax remover does not a fun gift make.
Never will Dori's daughter to be named at a later date say, "Oh, Aunt Rhianna, she got me this lovely ear wax removal kit, I had my own daughters picture taken with it!"
not to spoil it for Dori and BABY GIRL H, hopefully they will have no problems with ear wax build up.
NOTE: I made up the earwax remover thing. It was code for something boring and medical, and therefore not FUN to buy and GIVE. Do not spend your precious time combing target for an ear wax remover. Possibly I just invented it.
More news:
I have a new laptop, which means I can post annoying diatribes from anywhere with Wi-Fi, look out Starbucks, here comes the K-mart diva!!
More fun contests soon!!
Have a great week, R

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Interview with a REAL house wife

First of all, a disclaimer: this post is snarky, I'm feeling snarky and therefore the snark factor is high.
You were warned.
I'm flipping through channels during 'nap time' (I'm using this term loosely to describe the time of day where my children scream from their respective beds instead of in my face) and what do I see?
Another frickin 'Real Housewives' of Orange County on Bravo. A spin off actually. The 'Real Housewives of New York City.
I'm laughing too hard to come up with a joke about what all is wrong with this particular title.
But I'll start with the term "housewives", Are we stylizing a BARBIE doll for the late '50's early '60's? I would debone anyone (besides my sweet grandmother who could call me pretty much anything as long as she still makes molasses and biscuits on thanksgiving)who called me a housewife.
Also, REAL? The ONLY episode I've ever seen of the first ridiculous version of this show a woman ( I swear her name was Barbie or Boppy or Inflatable Wife #1) was pointing to various parts of her body and face and naming the 'procedures' she'd had done. And looking happy with herself, while a precarious glass vase full of four hundred dollars worth of flowers perched behind her. If this woman has kids, they don't go in the living room.
I'd just like to say if you love this show, I understand I have my guilty pleasures, but this is no more reality TV than Scooby Doo, just so you know.
If they were casting in Shelby for say, "the REAL women who work their butts practically off to run a household on a shoestring budget and happen to not have a tax statement at the end of the year of Cleveland County" I just may be asked to do that show.
Here is how my interview would go (inspired by an actual interview done with one of the "New York housewives"

'This is Mario Lopez in the studio and I'm here with Rhianna Finnegan from a new show on Bravo, called 'If I make it through the day without Prozac I'm doing good!" Hi Rhianna, that is a lovely brooch you are wearing, is it Tiffany?"

Me: UMM, no, actually it's some baby throw up, do you have a wipe?

Mario(looking taken aback) Ah, no, but I love the pantsuit, Juicy couture?

Me:Oh, thank you, Old Navy Yoga, On sale, can you believe it? These are still maternity pants, but they're so darn comfortable...I just can't stop wearing them.

Mario(a bit more confused)So what will you be wearing to the 'Prozac free is the way to be' premiere? I hear you did a bit of shoppping on Rodeo?

Me: (Snorting) If I had time to shop, it would most likely be at Target and here's hoping Isaac Mizrahi made something that will go day to night!

Mario: Well that's all the time we have for today, Rhianna has to go her son bit someone at preschool, but you can watch all about her trials on her show, 'What is child abuse, exactly?'
Thanks Rhianna!

Me:Thanks Mario, you are so short in person!

Ok, so Mario is No Ryan Seacrest, but he was on Saved by the BELL.
No spokepersons were harmed during the typing of this blog.

IN more news, who's watching American Idol? The guys are doing nothing for me tonight so far.

IN contest news, I believe I have a signed Jennifer Weiner and possibly some TARGET gift cards so check back!!! have a great week! R