Monday, December 29, 2008


SO while my wife is at work I decided to post aq few reasons that she will be awesome at 30.There are tons but I am going to just hit the high ponts.
First,yes You are 3 tens,2 fifteens and 10 threes,but You are also half of 60,a third of 90 and a mere quarter of 120(typically people dont make it to 120 but You gave 3 examples and I wanted to follow suit.
You so rarely answer "I DONT KNOW" as it is because You are easily the smartest person I know.There are occasions that I have gotten the I dont know response but on all of those occasions I made up one or more of the words in the question.I did that to make them unanswerable.
As for the fine lines and wrinkles,You must need new contacts or something.I am yet to find a fine line or wrinkle and I'm really looking.(TENTPOLE)
Just a couple of comparisons between 20 and 30 year old You:
20 year old you was funny but 30 year old you is absolutely hilarious.You make me laugh more than any 10 other people put together.Anyone who reads Your blog regularly knows what I'm talking about.
20 year old you was a great person,30 year old You is one of the most genuinely kind caring and loving people I know.Not because You are supposed to be but because that is who You are inside abd out.You at 30 are what most people spend an entire life trying to be.
20 year old you no kids that adore you.30 year old You 3 kids who couldnt love You more.20 year old You wasnt an incredible mom(just a future incredible mom).One reason I married You was because I knew You would be a great mom but you have exceeded every hope I had for that.Thank You.
20 year old you was hot,30 year old you is,well lets just say You put 20 year old you to shame.When we got married people were like "she married down".I think Jim even mentioned it in the vows.People now think You picked me up from some agency that matches fuglies up with beautiful people to try to keep them humble.

I think You should be pretty pleased with Yourself at 30.I know I am.Your the greatest wife and my very best friend.I LOVE YOU.
Happy Birthday a little early
p.s. thats blackjack (tentpole)

Turning 30 for dummies.

The big day is upon me. All year I've been very cavalier about the whole situation. Of course turning thirty doesn't bother me, maybe forty will.

Um? For the record?

I'm a big fat liar.

I'm 30. (well, in two days)

Three tens.

Two fifteens.

TEN threes.

OK, enough with the multiplication tables.

The truth.

Thirty bothers me.

Bothers me in that I thought I would no longer feel like a kid. Bothers me in that I thought I would no longer have to say 'I don't know' to questions (to clarify, I didn't think I'd be a know it all, I just thought perhaps some cosmic intelligence might osmosis it's way into my thick skull)Bothers me in that I haven't been all the places I'd like to go and done all the things I'd like to try (apparently you drop off the planet at age 30, who knew?)bothers me that my skin is having some sort of flashback to 1993 (thirteen or so) but add a few fine lines and wrinkles.

It also bothers me that It bothers me.

Dude, I love myself so much more.

This year has been great for me self actualizing-wise.

I've been more honest with myself than previous years, I've been more soul searching and less quick to judge, more ready to forgive.

In a lovely twist of kismet, my birthday falls on New Years Eve, (guess who gets to work on her thirtieth birthday?) so I get to make my resolutions and grand declarations all on the same day.

Early on, I said I was only going to do two, possibly three resolutions this year because, well the more you do, the more disappointed I tend to be when I fail miserably.

My first draft o' resolutions

1. Write every day (even if for only fifteen minutes)

2. BE more healthy (i.e. take better care of myself) which I finally decided was too broad, not specific enough and too easy too interpret into something not very difficult, which I'm going to be honest, I do too much.

So, on to second draft o' resolutions and grand declarations.

1. Write every day. (even if only journaling)

2. Exercise and cut out (most) caffeine.

3. Take vitamins.

And, while this is very specific, I'll be honest. NOT very exiting.

And as we all know, getting exited about resolutions is what it's all about.

Ahem, third Draft of Grand Declaration and Resolute Truths.

1. Write Every Day.

2. STOP eating crap, and drinking crap.

3. Reward myself. (now, this is something I can really get behind, idea wise)

Ok, obviously, it's a good thing I have two more days before I have to be certain of resolutions.

I'd love to hear about your resolutions or what you love and hate about your age.

Happy New year.


Hands down? Favorite thing about the holidays this year? (Besides the joy on the munchkins faces and all that jazz.) Ashley's homemade cheesecake. Good stuff.


Totally didn't make it on the reading fast, must pick less stressful month, maybe February? Er, March?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Falling in love is the easy part.

I'm already done with Thanksgiving and it's not even here yet officially.
We've done one dinner with my Dad and Step mom and that end of the family, and that was at MY HOUSE, so I'm done.
No more turkey/pumpkin pie/ham/overeating 'til I puke for me.
Ok, that's a lie.
Just like all the other holiday's I really love thanksgiving. I love hearing what people are thankful for, and although it's mostly the usual suspects (husbands, wives, children, friends....), it is what people are truly thankful for, and I can understand that.
Here, in a blatant copycat move, I will list my top ten things I'm grateful to have in my life.
10. A job. Despite all the criticism and guilt, I like my job, and am actually good at it, and it's helping to keep us afloat right now.
9. Humor. I love the fact that even when times are tight, and stress is high, Mike and I can still laugh (at each other, at some random movie, at a goofy comedian) It makes me feel more equipped to cope.
8. A hobby. I like having a creative outlet (or several) into which I can funnel my frustrations.
7. My mom and dad. Both experienced health crisis' last year and the fact that I still have them around is not only a gift, but a blessing as well.
6. Human rights equality. I know a lot of people are displeased with the election results, and I know President-elect Obama is not completely African-American, but he's halfway there and to be a part of a generation that has accepted equality to this degree makes me proud. (I would have been prouder of a woman, but OH WELL)
5. My children. I am, at best, a mediocre mother, but I love my children fiercely and believe with all my heart that they are amazing, wonderful little beings.
4.Friends who 'get me'. I have always been lucky with friends, and right now I have a tightly woven support system that keeps my head above water when I'm drowning in responsibility.
3. Civil servants and Military Personnel. Almost every day I talk with someone who has a family member who is deployed or who has been deployed (or is getting deployed). Although I'm not a fan of the war, I know it is a noble duty to protect our country and the freedoms we hold dear. Also, as the economy becomes more uncertain, crime generally rises, and I have a brother who is a police officer that I'm both thankful for and terrified for. Please give your officers the respect they deserve, just like teachers they are not paid their worth.
2. Saturday Mornings. Mike lets me sleep in since I usually have to work late (and even if I don't) and I look forward to that extra forty five minutes (or three hours) all week.
1. Mike. He's my best friend and an amazing father. His worth to me is beyond measure and there are no words for how much I adore and admire him. I'm proud of him for who he is and our lives together.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Writers Diet (my first bestseller)

I love to read.

Which is good. You learn things from reading.

I started reading around age four and I remember piling my books around me in my bed and cuddling with them as if they were my lovies. On more than one occasion I've been informed that my reading is a problem, from statements like, 'You'll never have a real life if you keep living in those books' or 'Your brain doesn't benefit from you reading a book over and over' (this second statement was a TEACHER, that's right an EDUCATOR told me to not read as much. As horrified as I am to think about this as an adult, I was mortified as a child.

The thing here is, I never thought my reading was a problem.

I love it. Like I said, I honestly believed that reading opened up worlds to me that I'd have never been privy to otherwise. Worlds from time long since past and places that only exist in other authors minds. I love that my daughter now loves to read, that I don't have to force her, and that she (almost) loves the new book smell as much as I do. I just love it, I love the thrill of having a new book that I have waited and waited for and cracking it open with some warm tea, a couple cookies and a cozy blanket.

But lately, when I should be writing, I've been reading.

I know that most great writers read a lot, but in theory, most great writers actually write at some point as well.

So, my pledge.

Starting Monday November 24th, I will NOT read For a WHOLE MONTH.

Thirty days.




for thirty days.

Thirty L-o-o-o-o-n-n-g days.

I'm getting light headed, is the room spinning?

No reading until Christmas Eve.
A reading diet, when I can hog out on turkey, ham, pecan pie and various other evil but delicous foods.

So here what I need from you faithful bloggies.

(bloggettes is a little sexist, but I do like it better)

Don't recommend a book or several books to me unless you are prepared to sit by me AA sponsor style and talk me down from the ledge.

Don't ask me about what I've read lately and if my eyelid starts to twitch step away slowly.

Expect me to cheat and love me anyway.

So hopefully I will be churning out mass amounts of writing this upcoming month which means updates on WritingMommy and I will of course keep you posted on my progress with not reading.

Happy Thanksgiving Turkies!


Monday, November 10, 2008

I ran from spam and new things I'm loving

So, if you have a blog you know how it is.
You send your million random thoughts (in my case, seventy or so) out into the blogverse and then you wait..

and wait...

and wait some more.....

For a comment on your myspace, on the blog, when you see someone who has commented on your blog, and then it comes..a COMMENT!
The joy....and then..

the heartache.
IT was SPAM.

I suppose the fact that I get spam should flatter me (it doesn't) but VIAGRA?
Do they read the blog?
Pampers or a chocolatier would be much better served to spam me than Viagra.
I'm just saying.
and although I have a great poem about Viagra (and the kajillion rhyming words, Niagra..ok maybe one rhyming word) I will spare you and move on.

TV I'm Loving despite the fact that I only really watch adult TV one day a week.

1. The style networks new reality show Ruby.
This lady is amazing. I believe the show only started last night but immediatly I identified with her struggle. She's funky and beautiful and is four hundred pounds, get the tissues, it's that awesome.
2. True Blood On HBO...I know the last thing we need is another freakin vampire show, but the male hotness on this show + the outlandish fantasy storylines keep me hooked. ONLY TWO EPISODES LEFT!
3. Ace of Cakes. I know that naysayers say who can watch a show esclusively about cake? ME ME ME!! I love this almost as much as the challenges on food network.I don't know how you can be rock and roll and a pastry chef, but Duff makes it work.
4. My old favorites, My name is Earl, The Simpsons, and THE SOUP.
Ok, I'll watch paint dry if they amp up the drama!
Don't rot your brains!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

OFCourse I'm FINE!!

Hope the onset of the holidays is not causing seizures of anxiety, because I know I'm fine!
I'm totally not worried about when to bake, put up the tree, roast the turkey, make the pancakes, wrap presents ( presents.) order holiday cards.
I mean, just looking at my abbreviated to-do list is not making me want to run away for the holidays for a nice vacation to oh, say, Tahiti, where I'm almost positive Christmas, Thanksgiving and the entire brouhaha of the holidays is more um, how do I say, laid back.
Because here's the thing,

the one thing that's most important,
spending time with people you love, and letting them know you care.

And I know that, I do.


but the thing is,

I still feel the pressure to DO all the things that well, frankly, I'm not sure why I do.

Well, I know why I send out cards...duh, so I can brag about my cool family. I know why I bake cookies. To create lasting memories with friends and family (that disappears in the time it takes my family to devour them)Plus, I like cookies.
But why do I kill myself will all our other commitments?
Because that's life? It's just what's expected of me?
That come the day after Halloween, we turn into tinsel be-decked chickens sans heads and proceed to run willy nilly in every direction?
Well, not me!

I know, right? What am I going to do? Boycott one of my favorite holidays ( a note to people who do not know me, personally, I love all holidays, boycotting one or two may actually do me some good)
No, I'll just keep complaining until I fall into my bed (flannel snowman sheets) some time in January and sleep off the madness.
Here's hoping you have some sanity time!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Do it, girl

I'm feeling a little girl powery today.
And let me tell you why.
Women are awesome.

I have so many awesome women in my life who continue to amaze me with their strength(s) and talent(s).
I read in the Charlotte Observer that over 11, 000 women in Charlotte alone participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the cure. Over 11, 000, dude, like WOW.
This is quite literally women saving other women's lives. (read more at are we awesome or what?
Of course there are women like Sarah Palin who are paving the way for future generations of women who want to be political and mothery and have good hair all at the same time.
The big drawback here is that women tend to do so much for others that they don't do quite enough for themselves. So here is your job Mommies, ladies and girlies of all kinds.
Do one kind thing for yourself. Take a bath, get a manicure, pedicure, massage, new book, new sweater.
Do you love something that's too expensive? ask yourself if you would hesitate for one second spending that money on your children, husband, parents or boyfriend.
Then why hesitate spending it on yourself?
You're awesome women!
Now go out and feel it!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Seven Years ago Today.

(NOTE:*should have been posted yesterday, but something wonky was going on with blogger)

Seven years ago today I was

One month away from finding out I was going to be a mother the first time.

Apalled and horrified.


Still not watching regular programming.

calling everyone I knew to see if anyone had been traveling.

wondering if we'd ever catch the bad guys.

Today I'm-

A mother of three who still is wondering if we're going to catch the bad guys.

There are a million tributes to the needless loss of life on 9/11, let this be a million and one. There cannot be enough said about the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, some body's to someone who are no longer with us.

I have always been fiercely proud to be an American, and I hope that you all take a moment to remember what is was like to be a part of a nation falling apart seven years ago, and to realize how far we've come and how far we have to go.
Have a great day...R

Monday, August 11, 2008

Long time no blog

I think it's this way with everyone this summer with the notable exceptions of those people without children or children who are of age to amuse themselves without maiming themselves, I mean, I can barely find two seconds to bath (don't get too close and thank you Bath and Body Works Body Spray), much less blog, write, breath, eat or um...oh yeah, that distant memory sleep. So far this summer I haven't.....
1. won the lottery.
2. died my hair green.
3. officially potty trained Leesy.
4. figured out how to find some energy.
5. even started tagging my fall weeruns stuff.
6. found a cure for any diseases (though I faithfully donate my dollar anytime they ask at the grocery store, restaurant or gas station, but how can I be sure the wierdo behind the counter didn't go to Kinko's and make some hearts/clovers/hand prints himself just to raise beer money?)
7.gotten a bad sunburn.
8. read half my summer reading list (I did finish the Harry Potter's good stuff, that)

But, I have....
1. made some great new friends
2. got a great pedicure (see color here)
3. kept most of my appointments
4. remembered to take my vitamin.
5. decided to move to Tahiti indefinitely
6. moved on from my obsession with karaoke to being obsessed with karma (I like K what Kan I say?)
7. tried to pull my daughters teeth out while she's sleeping.
8. discovered a new way to sleep with eyes open, well, it's called being awake and is really nothing like sleeping. Will keep you posted on results of staying awake for days on end.

Summer as we think of summer is officially grinding to an end, we've registered for dance, I have PTO meeting tonight and we've begun making family labor day plans....but I LOVE fall, and hopefully will be V. productive concerning my writing come September. We will see.
Hope everyone is well....R

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cute Shoe Events

So there I was, at some random shoe store on Friday, contemplating the most adorable pair of peep toe pumps, complete with embossed cherries and snazzy ankle straps. I had tried them on (twice) regaled my husband with the why's and why nots of purchasing such impractical shoes. I mean, on one hand, we all need a little frivolity, but on the other hand, even such adorable footwear would surely only languish in my flip-flop/tennis shoe/ barefoot world.

YOU know.
They were ON SALE.

ON SALE is kryponite to my very shopping soul.

I am generally of the mind that if it is NOT ON SALE, then it will be shortly and I can just wait. Then if it is gone when said item goes on sale, then well, it was not meant to be.
But are a pump of a different color.

Before M snoozed off, I decided NOT to get them.
I mean, they were truly REALLY cute shoes. They made my ankles look not so baggy and elephant like (see earlier post) and my toes look tiny and feminine, but I honestly don't have that many cute shoe events in my life right now.
We have some friends we meet for dinner (like once every four months) and there are our monthly (ok, more like every other monthly) dates, but even then, you can only justify so many pair of new shoes (and believe me, I've tried) we have a company Christmas Party, (peep toe pumps probably not appropriate esp. with cherries)
And then it hits me,
in the middle of random shoe store,
MY REALLY CUTE SHOE events have mostly all passed me by.
And this makes me so sad.
My prom, graduation, bachelorette party, and actual wedding (THE cute shoe event) have all passed.
Is it possible that I need to inject cute shoe events into more mundane things?
I think it is, even still, as I purused the non-slip ubersneaker collection, I had to wonder, what in the world happened to the girl that had seven hundred pair of underwear and thirty to fifty pair of shoes?
Of course we all know that her feet and butt expanded and she is built more for comfort than speed at this point, but before I say no to all peep toe pumps in the future, I may think about making PTO meetings a CUTE SHOE EVENT after all.
Best. R

Monday, June 30, 2008

Baggy elephant ankles.

So this is probably the ninth or tenth time I've started to blog only to be interrupted, loose focus, be distracted, think of something more pressing, get a phone call, text message, email, IM or random communications that demand my time or attention.

But I am hoping to make that up to you all now.

It sounds as if every one's summer is whizzing by at breakneck speed and mine is no exception.

We've already done the beach thing, the family thing, the recital thing, the swimming thing, the many playdates thing and both M and I working thing resulting in about twelve minutes a week together (and Um, we're asleep).

I'm sure that their are busier people than myself (I'm sure there are, as a matter of fact, but you know sometimes how you feel like you're one of the only people on the planet who is moving at the speed of light while everyone else is meandering towards a sunny place?) That's me, under the desk.
Ok, you got me, it's Tina Fey, who undoubtedly has a heavier schedule than myself, but has the good grace to only have one child (admittedly, the kid looks like a handful, though, am I right?)
But other than the ridiculous lack of sleep and obnoxious amounts of 'I told you so' from my one true love, I'm good.
I do have several 'So there I was waiting on these people when....' stories that I'm anxious to share, but I have been tagged, so I'll deal with that first.
Where were you ten years ago?
This is interesting because I was working for Outback ten years ago, working towards my degree. If I'd stuck with Outback, it's possible I'd be running one.
But, I wouldn't have the joy of my children, or my husband so Ce' la Vie..
Five things on your to do list today..
(really, just five?)
1. Laundry
2. Mom's bday lunch.
3. Power bill, bank, Post office (that's one, right?)
4. Dinner with Rebecca
5. Movie date with hubby. (oh yeah, change sheets..hehe)
Snacks I enjoy.
Let's be clear, if it's a snack, I enjoy it.
What would you do if you were a billionaire?
Well, I hope I'm never a billionaire, because I think I'd be a terrible rich person, but if I had to take it, I'd take M to Ireland, the kids to Disney, Myself to Monte Carlo, Barbados, Hawaii, I'd fix my teeth (and possibly my breasts), I don't even know really, I can't even fathom that kind of green.
Places I would live:
I'm not sure, I love it here, but maybe closer to water? The lake?
And now, I will not pass on the taggage, but I did have fun..
and now a list Target Diva style of the things my customers (drunken or otherwise) have ACTUALLY SAID to me.
1. Can I have some more ranch?
2. Your teeth need bleaching.
3. Wow, you've got baggy ankles. (oh, yeah? you can tell that through orthopedic non slip shoes, ankle socks and bell bottom black pants?)
4. Seriously, more ranch?
5. What's with all the pins?
6. Is there dressing on this salad?
7. Is that your natural color hair?
8. Did you remember the ranch?
9. Those uniforms aren't very flattering are they? (not actually no, not unless you are approximately the size and width of a clothes hanger and then ooooo pretty!)
10. Can I have some more ranch?
Have a great week guys, thanks for all the emails and calls!
Will be posting a BRAND NEW excerpt at Writing MOMMY by weekend!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Cellulite Shadows 2 ( or there I was crying in the dressing room at Wal-Mart)

So, you guessed it.
I left my bathing suit quest to the last minute.
I was left with two choices.

1. No swimming.
2. Swim in old stretched out unsupportive bathing suit.


3. Buy new bathing suit.

So, today in the midst of all the going out of town preparations, I had to also find a new bathing suit.
which i loathe.
have i mentioned that?

So I go. Because the days of lazy waiting are over.
I go to My Sisters Closet, where I am hoping to find a decent suit for cheap.
Can I mention that there are three way mirrors in the dressing room? Three way mirrors are NOT MY FRIEND.


Ok, so back to bathing suit mission impossible.
I couldn't find one there. And after three more stores still no top fitting and bottom fitting bathing suit.

Sometimes I feel like my head is on someone else's body.

Long story short, I did find a cute cheap bathing suit that will work(um, hopefully) until I can have more time.

Why can't I wear shorts like a boy?

off to see the wizard. have a great rest of the week.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Come on ride the train

I rarely do this, because I could go on for hours about my kids, but we went to Tweetsie for Thomas the Tank Engine's Magical Mystery Tour (*not the real name of the tour) and it was, for once a completely wonderful experience. My husband is not a fan of theme parks, or heat, or being out in the heat at a theme park. But, for our kids, he's generally a really good sport and pretty much up for anything.
Our prior theme park/ outdoor adventures have been somewhat lackluster and a teensy bit less than fun, but this time it measured up to the hype.
We'd been to Tweetsie with K and A once before (let me mention here that A was two months old, which means I was two months post partum and still recovering from major abdominal-having-baby-through -opening-in-stomach surgery) so even the most fun thing (say, shoe shopping with someone else's credit card while eating chocolate) would have still not been superfun.
If you've been to Tweetsie you know that it is ALL UPHILL. Now there are ways to get uphill without walking, for instance a chairlift, a bus, a trolley and of course, walking.
We had a double stroller and foolish delusions of granduer, so we walked (it's only like a quarter mile or so, but still ALL UPHILL) the last time we went there were no options for the uphill trek other than the chair lift, which was out for me and A, so of we go up the HILL, I swear it took us an hour to get up that hill last time (MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY, PEOPLE) but this time, Mike and I are flying up it like we have wings. (so proud of ourselves we were)
But that's not all, not only did we wow everyone with our athletic prowess, but we were smart enough to get an early morning ride (uh, only about six hundred other people had this very same idea, BTW) so we were done with the park by the time the temp was really cranking up.
B was a little wary of how loud the train was, but other than that good times were had by all. A loved every minute and was not whiny, fussy or otherwise moody for most of the day. K was fascinated by the gem mining and managed to get not only herself soaked but her sister and her brother and the bottom half of her Nana as well. It was OK, though, because she cheered herself up with a sucker as tall as she was.
We made it home by bedtime and while the kids conked out we ordered Applebee's.
Good times.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Cellulite Shadows

Shopping for a bathing suit.

Just let it sink in. I know, it's madness. My favorite suit is the Miraclesuit (lose 10 pounds in ten minutes!) It's no joke, it takes ten minutes to get the sucker on. But it makes me not so flabalicous. or at least look not so flabalicous.

But alas, even they don't last forever, especially if you buy them on eBay.

Now the time has come to purchase a new one.


Sadly, my body does not seem to have gotten any less cellulite ridden or stretchmark mapped since I last ventured into the lycra jungle.

I try to remind myself that even supermodels have something that they hate. So and So-acova hates her mole and how bony (???!!) her legs are. So and soblondeamericanfromthemidwestwithperfect teeth hates her 'flat' hair.

Me? Everything from the neck down.

and sometimes the neck up.

You may think I'm exaggerating.


I want desperately to like myself. I don't want to pass on my debilatating self- loathing on to my beautiful daughters. But I digress. Bathing suit.

stat.So here I go, eBay shopping.
and I find a bathing suit.
and I like it.
I presume it will fit, because, hey the last one fit.
Um, not so much.
with the fitting.
or covering the needs to be covered.
So I'm off again to the races.
Literally, I have a week and a day to procure a bathing suit and I fear I may have to pay full price.
I won't even tell you what full price is, you can check it out here. Only if you dare.
Let's just hope I don't end up the night before we leave at K-mart crying like last time.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Lucky and Waiting

Has anyone noticed I like to begin my posts as if I'm in the middle of a conversation? It's true, I do. I feel the blogworld is my friend (for the most part) and I take advantage of that friendship sometimes to vent, to snark, to gnash my teeth and scream, to make wry observations. Just like everyone else who blogs I suppose.
One of my previous blogs on MySpace was about why I love to embarrass myself. To recap: I'm good at it, (if there is a wrong thing to say, count on me to come out with it, but I'll torture myself endlessly, so don't worry about blessing me out) I generally learn something and well, it gives me a little humility.
So after only a week on the job, I've waited on or delivered food to several people I know or am acquainted with. The reaction is usually shock.
Not from my close friends who know and with whom I'd discussed going back to work at length, but from people like the girl who helps with my daughters dance classes, one of the kids teachers, and a nurse I used to work with at the hospital. I get a lot of...'You WORK here?'
Uh, yeah, that's what the uniform is for.
What I want to say is either, NO, I don't WORK here, I dress up and PRETEND, fun game right?
OR YES, I DO work HERE, but I DON'T HAVE TO....( and then go on to explain the reasons that I choose to do a job that a lot of people consider demeaning)because it was pretty obvious these people felt sorry for me, in one case a parent of one of the other girls in K's class left me an almost twenty dollar tip. I'm sure she may be just a good tipper in general, but twenty on sixty dollars?
If I could I'd wear a shirt that says,
I'm so lucky.
So so lucky, I don't have to do this, my wonderful husband supports us well, but I need grown up time, and I even though I've had great jobs with really good benefits, those jobs tend to come home with you. Waiting tables stays at the restaurant.
Plus I'm good at it. I really like meeting new people and working in this environment means I meet new people every half an hour or so.
I like having cash. I like having something that's just mine.
I like buying my husband gifts with money I actually earned.
But I like staying home, too. And IF I choose to leave this job it's definitely not as big of a deal than if I worked somewhere with few employees or somewhere that I was heavily depended on.

Unfortunately, I can't wear a shirt that explains all that, so I generally just say, I'm working for the summer or working to help pay for Mike's birthday trip. Which is true, once school starts there will be no way I can work five days a week.

I think waiting tables is a perfect name for what I do by the way.
I am waiting.
I'm waiting to sell a book or short story or article. I'm waiting to figure out my groove.

I'm not embarrassed, though, except for when people seem embarrassed for me, then it's hard not to be a little dismayed.

Just one of those things I suppose.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Floprocks and Emo Trainwrex

SOOO, I've been busy lately.
Not too busy to read up on some of my friends posts. One that really stuck out to me was Rebecca at the Engineers Falcon, read her most recent post Here.
I think she really speaks to peoples hearts (esp. Moms and Women's) in this post. I just wanted to say that this is something I had a really hard time with not so long ago.
I would go to bed and before I could relax I would count the things I forgot to do. I told Keegan we could color in just a minute, I would read a book in just a minute.
Just a minute was my go-to phrase. But now, more often, if they want me to sit down and read or color or watch a movie or play cars or kitchen or dress-up, I stop and at least play for a minute. I can't always, but when whatever I'm doing can wait, I stop and just hand with the kids. They won't always want to hang out with me, so I need to take advantage of the time they do give me.
On to other things.
I was not a screaming raging Cruella DeVille this month, but I was a complete Emotional wreck. I cried when my favorite dance team did well on America's Best Dance Crew, or when I saw footage of the finale of American Idol. (and I wasn't just crying about the state of reality TV in America, although, what is UP with that?) I cried when Brady was sweet to his sisters and when he was mean. You get the idea.
Well, I didn't bust out in gut wrenching sobs, more like, eyes glistening hicccupy crying, but still. Crying.
So, obviously, even though my hormones are more mild, they're still having issues (not issues that can be helped my email order drugs, but issues nonetheless)

Now, for Target Diva, the Floprock edition.
Mike and I were watching the Mask last night and it really made me think. How did Jim Carrey's career survive making such crap movies?
The Mask, Ace Ventura (and didn't he do a SEQUEL?)Liar, Liar. ( I could go ON, but I won't, and you don't have to tell me that these movies weren't technical flops, they did great at the box office and all that, I just mean they were totally stupid story lines and yet...look, MONEY!)
Yet, he still manages to hang onto the A list.Is it because he's dating Jenny McCarthy and all her activism, or is simply doing funny voices for animated flicks enough to keep him afloat?
I hate to be all feminist (um, I don't, I totally don't) but if a women (well, not Cameron Diaz, but any normal non bionic woman) had made such wretched straight to DVD flops we'd be looking for them on Celebrity Fit Club or Dancing with the Stars, and even that couldn't breath life into their dead careers.
What really got me going on this was, the detective in the Mask was in a huge movie the seventies, a little flick called Animal House, but he's not done a whole lot since. Which of course made me think of Karen Allen, who was also in Animal House as well as Scrooged, but that was the EIGHTIES for pete sake and now Where is she??
Ok, so she's actually in the new Indiana Jones movie, but other than that
where has she been??
alright, I give up.
I'll just say, celebrity trivia gives me a headache.
Celebrity gossip? Yeah!!!
Celebrity trivia? boooo!

So, the job goes ok, except they're scheduling me for like FIVE days a week, which, in case you're wondering, is NOT part time. But, I hope I'll get it straightened out.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

ten minute window the argh!! edition

Ok, so if you're wondering how frazzled I am...
I just posted today's post for HERE over at WRITINGmommy, please go over there to read my ten minute post that has now turned into twenty minutes of Why did I even start with this????

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A funny thing happened on the way to my life.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.
I worked, which was cool, I want to work. Although, somehow, it's easier (and harder) than I remember. I trained Thursday and Sunday and Saturday I expo'ed (which is getting the final touches on the food (honey mustard on the side, butter on the potato, that sort of thing) and ran food and was a general helper. It was nice, even if I do feel like the token old person(not true, several people are older than me, I just feel that way.) I didn't expect to find work so quickly, so I'm dealing with end of the school year stuff (and dance recital hoop-la) on top of a brand new work schedule.
On top of which, I'm getting a ton of flack for working.
I do understand. I mean, I'm really lucky. I don't HAVE to work. It isn't about the money at all. It's about me having grown up time, and feeling useful and productive in the process. I have a ton of great friends who I'm fortunate enough to get to spend scads of time with (more often than not, however, we can't finish a two minute conversation due to various I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, she hit me, where's my shoes? -type interruptions.
I am also aware that with my education I could do more than JUST wait tables. But, I like it, it happens to be good money and it won't make me stressed out and sketchy when I am at home.
There are a lot of reasons someone decides to do things, but the simple truth is, I needed something else. I thought about taking a class (I still might do that) I thought about volunteering (ditto, I love to volunteer) but I LIKE to work, I just do.
I love staying home with my kids, but for my sanity, I need to get away from them to appreciate them.
I won't work forever probably, and honestly, I'll probably only work here and there after school starts in the fall, but over the summer, after all three kids, all day long, it will be a relief to get in the car and listen to grown up music for half an hour, and then work more (maybe I should have taken a class!)
I didn't mean to get snarky, but I really think it's unfair to judge some one when you have no idea what's going on with them.
So, it's un-necessary to send me emails telling me that it raises my children's blood pressure when I leave them (for the record, they're with their DAD or their GRAND MOTHER, not a STRANGER) and that any job I have with take away more than it adds to our family.

(stepping down off soapbox)
whew! Sorry 'bout that. I just had a few nasty emails and wanted to address them. Along the same lines, I am going to try and respond to people's comments. I love reading comments on some blogs and I'd like to start that here, if possible.
I had an interesting thought this weekend while I was writing.
When are you at your best?
Are you at your best when you've had enough rest? (ok, sorry, I had to)
or when you're being challenged, are you at your best under pressure?
I'd love to hear when you're at your best.
I think I'm at my best when I'm sleeping. (ok, just kidding)
I'm at my best when I can meditate before I do something. If I have to just start, I usually falter, but when I can mentally prepare, I do so much better. I do pretty well under pressure (now that I'm older and my temper isn't such an issue!)
So, when are you at your best?
Have a great week!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Lee-ving On a Jet Plane.

First things first-

Denver Brunch Bake-
(note: this is NOT the actual recipe this is how I made it for MOPS on monday)
2 tbsp butter, melted
1 loaf french bread (loaf bread is fine in a pinch)
4 oz cream cheese softened
3/4 c. milk
1/4 c. all purpose flour
6 eggs (yup, six)
1/2 tsp all-purpose dill mix(this is a pampered chef product, you can use dill for pickles or leave it out)
1/4 tsp. salt
4 oz deli baked ham (about a half a pack)
1/2 c. onion (I used a little less, sometimes not at all)
1/2 c. shredded cheddar cheese ( I actually use about a cup)

Preheat to 375,
Mix all this mess together (eggs first is best) except butter and bread, pour in 9x9 (8x8 is fine, add 5 min to cook time).
Slice bread and soak in butter and line side of pan, bake 30-35 minutes.
Serve warm (also, may add red or green pepper, sliced green onion or mushroom depending on taste)

I think that's everything, please email me with any questions.
Last night was my first 'training' night at work, and after almost three years with Outback, it just doesn't change that much. It was cool, and it's nice to have 'training' time to get back into a groove. However, it sucks sooooo much to work a table completely by yourself and then someone else gets the money.
I don't like training anyway, I always feel like I'm in the way (uh, because I am) and you don't want to step on someone's toes..blah blah..
Along the same lines, new shoes + first night on feet for five hours=yucky blisters and painful toes.
Ok, I know better, yet somehow, I felt I had no choice. This is not true, I knew like a week ago that I'd need NON SLIP completely black shoes (and given those instructions, how did I not rush right out to snap up a pair?) but I didn't get them until I AB-SO-LUTE-Y needed to get them, so of course I'm shoving them on my feet as I'm walking in the door and then peeling them off five or so hours later when they've created a new and interesting shape for my foot.
Thanks Wal-mart, for creating a shoe that is both non-slip, hideous and so painful I may as well wait table in high heels.
The good news (and isn't there always some good news!) is that I have a day recover, then I have to wrap those suckers around my feet again.
Another cool new thing about the 'NEW' improved Outback is online scheduling (I can also get text messages when my schedule comes out woo-hoo!) so no driving to Gaffney or calling and begging someone to give you your schedule over the phone.
Brilliant. Some one some where was totally on the ball.
So, I logged on to make my (actually more numerous than I'd originally thought) requests and realized that even though we aren't doing a 'set' vacation, we are travelling quite a bit.
Which is nice, but also a bit scary with gas prices so crazy, it makes a huge difference in what you decide to do and how much you can do when you get there.
who saw this during the idol finale?
David Cook the winner the super fantastic winner is first and the only one worth watching (if you're an Archuleta fan, he's cute and all...but just not American Idol matieral, more like doing voices and singing for Disney matieral)
Also, if you aren't a fan of Guitar Hero, you will be after you watch.
Have a great weekend.

Thursday, May 22, 2008


I don't actually love driving. I used to love it, when I first got my license I adored the feeling that when I got into my truck, I could go anywhere (and I could, gas was way cheaper back then, you know, in the dark ages) now driving is more a duty than a pleasure but that didn't stop me from LOOOOVVVVING Jess Riley's debut, Driving Sideways.

Today, live and on the blog, Jess Riley herself was kind enough to drop by for a little soiree' in honor of her new book. Sit back, have a drinky-poo, and read on for the most informative interview questions EVER!!

Ok, we're here at the hottest launch Par-tay of the season with Driving Sideways author Jess Riley, somebody get Jess a drink! Jess, first things first, who are you wearing?

A sandwich board advertising a local vacuum cleaner repair shop. Actually, I’ll tell you the glamorous, jet-setting truth: my comfiest slippers, a workout outfit that hasn’t been worked out in properly for some time, and lots of residual dirt from working in my garden all day.

Perfect, now, if you were getting a famous kidney, who's would you wish for?

Hmmm…I feel very fortunate to not be in that position, but I’ll tell you—if I needed a new kidney, Keith Richards wouldn’t make the list. Maybe I’d wish for Cillian Murphy’s…but if I received Cillian’s kidney, I’d walk around blushing constantly. (Because of the, uh, recent proximity and connection of said organ to his … um, well, you know….)

I have to say, Jess, you are glowing. Now, what is your favorite thing about the writing process?

Thanks! See, I knew something positive would come out of growing up near massive power lines. I’d have to say my favorite thing about the writing process is finishing. No, actually, I still can’t get used to the fact that someone liked a story I wrote enough to pay me for it so they could share it with other readers. That part is pretty freaking cool. Also (and here’s a serious answer for you), I love when my characters take me in directions I had no idea they wanted to go. That feels like absolute magic.

Convertible road trip-top up or top down?

Top down, but only on the back roads. Top down on the Interstate sounds like a recipe for never combing my hair again.

Hmmm, I am intrigued, what's on your Ultimate Road Trip mix tape?

Oooh, I love this question!! I actually just made an iMix of songs I listened to while writing Driving Sideways or mention in the book.
Here's the link.

Fabulous, now are any of your characters based on real people, any situations on real life experiences?

HELL, I’d like to introduce you to YEAH. My protagonist Leigh’s best friend is a massage therapist based on my best friend Cindy…who was an AMAZING sport about it, because I do poke some gentle fun at her new-aginess. There are also tons of anecdotes I lifted from life (the truth or dare game with the pube incident? True.), and a run-in with an ex-boyfriend very loosely based on some of my exes. Well, one of them, really. And he should be very grateful I didn’t give his fictional counterpart a tiny penis.

That is funny! and so true! What's up next?

I’m currently working on novel number two, which takes place in a medium-security men’s prison. I taught in one in college and felt the setting was absolutely ripe with potential for dark humor and fascinating storylines. I don’t touch on the inmates much—it’s actually a story focused on the staff, featuring a social worker in a wheelchair who falls for a teacher who falls for a guard. It also deals with getting over one of the worst kinds of romantic betrayals. I just figured out how it’s going to end last Friday. THANK GOD.

OK, well I'm sure we'll all rush out for our own copies and copies to give as gifts...and so on, by the way, does this cake make me look fat?

You’re so sweet! Thank you so much for chatting with me and plying me with drinks. And no way does that cake make you look fat. It’s a scientifically proven fact that the larger the slice of cake, the slimmer we look holding it.

Everyone, Go, go, go to your nearest Amazon or bookstore and scoop up driving sideways, it's the perfect combo of hilarity and heart tuggyness. I really loved it.
Thanks to Jess for stopping by, we hope she can get the cake out of her hair, and we wish her MUCHO sucess ....

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

I just finished one of Jodi Picoult's fabulous books, Vanishing Acts, and as per usual, I'm floored. I'm amazed that she keeps coming up with brilliant ideas and executing them so flawlessly and brilliantly. I also feel a kinship because she has three children and a husband with a full time job (he did retire early recently to help, because of her overwhelming success)
This book had an interesting theme (all of hers do, I recommend Nineteen Minutes) a father had kidnapped his daughter and was only arrested after she had grown up and was an adult. He took her for a lot of reasons, but the main one was that her mother was an alcoholic.
Alcoholism is thick on one side of my family and I struggle to understand how a liquid could be more important than a child. I'm sure that addiction doesn't make that distinction, but sometimes I wish it would. I won't be tedious with the details of the book, but it's definitely worth a read.
On a happier note, my kids continue to be hilarious and comedy club ready.
My middle daughter, the Queen of Drama, is far more verbal than she rightfully should be.
She and her younger brother (not that much younger) are constantly mistaken for twins.
A few days ago, as we are strolling into the Y, she and a lady began conversing about all manner of things, not the least of which were the fact that she and YB were twins.
Q of D: We are not twins, I'm so much older than him (not true, only 16 months separate them, but apparently in her mind, it's eons)
Nice Lady: I see, what's your name?
Now, how many times have I told my daughter to not share her name and her brothers name with strangers, no matter how nice? At least a bajillion.
Q of D: Leesy Finnegan. And this is Brady Michael Finnegan.
OK, again, this is why I've not taught Leesy our address and phone number. Not that strangers understand all of what she says, but still.
Nice Lady: And where are you from?
Q of D: (I'll note here that Ailise had her are you stupid? look on, she adopted from her older sister who brought it home from school. I wish she could have just brought home the flu like a normal kid) I'm from Jesus, where are you from?
At least her Baptist Preschool teaching is sinking in, although, I'm pretty sure the lady thought we lived on Jesus St.
MOPPERs, I'll post the denver brunch bake recipe later in the week.
Also, don't forget to check out writing MOMMY, my works in progress blog, I love to hear what people think.
And, I will have Jess Riley here ON THURSDAY, I'm very exited. Her new book came out this week, and I'm honored that she's going to be a guest.
I also would like to thank all my friends who've linked my blog to theirs, I'm met some great friend of friends, and it's been really nice.
I'm back in the land down under (OUTBACK) for the summer at least and although I'm just waiting tables, it's a grown up job, out of the house so I'm pretty exited. Come visit whenever you can, I'd love to see one and all, plus you can visit the Yellow mall and snatch up all the deals.
Ok, I should go, there's mutiny afoot.
Hope every one's having a great week.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Whack sing Poet tic.

Can I just say how much me loves the spell check?
Because I do, do, do. So much. Spell check is my friend. And it's not that I'm a bad speller necessarily, just that I constantly second guess myself.
I do this a lot in life too, not just my writing. I have many moments of panic hysteria when I think, should I have just said that? Just because I think it, does that automatically mean I have to spurt it out? Yes, it does.
I eat foot.
A lot.
Yummy, toe jam.
Am I proud that I just wrote a whole paragraph on how much I love spell check? UM, not so much, but hey on the bright side, I'm not cleaning my toilet!
So seriously.
Is anyone else concerned with the mass of celebrities 'writing' cookbooks? And they are bestsellers! Cookbooks!
I'm all for the cookbook, I went through a phase early in marriage, pre rugrats when I bought up all the cookbooks I could find. Bisquick cookbooks, Asian fusion cookbooks, crock pot cookbooks. I was horrible.
I've sold most of them on Ebay, because they were threatening to mutiny in my kitchen and I didn't want to deal, so I kept my favorites, which incidentally are those cute fundraiser cookbooks that people contribute their fave family recipes to and compile and cute little cheerleaders/cub scouts/people in wheelchairs sell to you on Saturday mornings when you are innocently trying to buy other people's junk at yard sales.
But, never in my life...I'm sure it started before Jessica Seinfield and her Deceptively Delicious madness, but for some reason this irks me more than others. Who among us has not snuck something into our children's food?
This is not an original idea people! As a matter of fact, several years before Mrs. Seinfield pitched her idea, a regular Parents' magazine contributor wrote almost the same exact book, with several of the VERY SAME RECIPES! But her book did not get featured on Oprah, or on Letterman. Sigh.
I'm not sure what ole Jessica did before she married Jerry Seinfield and started reproducing madly, but what qualifies her among all the people who have written countless articles and even the very same book?
Oh, yeah, she's married to a millionaire.
Right, she needs the money.
And now, Katie Lee Joel (who looks just as young as Mr. Billy Joel's daughter Alexa Ray, but is, in fact, his wife) has 'written' the Comfort Table, you guessed it, a cookbook.
Is she a chef?
A nutritionist?
A food Savant?
She is from a good southern family, which traditional southern recipes to share.
Oh, yeah, and she's married to a millionaire.
Totally qualified.
Ok, enough of my bitter rant, I'm moving on.
I'm going to give Bill Gates a call, see how his marriage is working out.
If this whole writing fiction thing doesn't work out, I'll hook up with a bajillionare, 'write' a cookbook, and sit back and wait for my royalty checks while getting a mani/pedi/facial.
Good times.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Party over HERE (it could mean cake, people)

Hope everyone had a good Mother's Day weekend, I for one feel like I've been hit in the face with a shoe. (toothache, I haven't actually been assaulted with footwear)I relaunched Writing Mommy, so my excerpts will be exclusively over the-ah, feel free to visit, comment, or to be just plain voyeuristic, and lurk.
Now, for the random book review portion of the month.
I told you it was coming and NOW, I'm delivering.
Next week I'll have Jess Riley, her Brand Spanking NEW book will be coming out on Tuesday May 20th (though it will not be available at TAR-Jey until June 19th)
It's called Driving Sideways, and I'm superexited because the chapter excerpt on Amazon promises big fun and big suprises. If you have time shoot over and pre-order or you can wait to be intrigued by our fun Blogstravaganza next week!
We will be having a launch party her at Target Diva, so I want everyone to crank up the White Stripes, pop open a bottle o' somethin' somethin' or mix a nice sweet daiquiri and prepare to tell your Road trippin stories. We are gonna get buck wild up in here. (Ok, honestly, probably not so wild, but fun stuff, seriously, superfun) Stop by, you just might get a super bag o' swag or just win a free book.
Jess will not just be here, but she'll be all ovah, so look around you never know where that crazy girl might be.
As school winds to a close, my oldest ankle-biter gets more and more anxious about the onset of
'actual summer'. She needs daily updates on 'when the pool will be open?, and when can I stop going to school for a while?.
Which I am going to be OK with, because she's done really well this year, and she's allowed to be a little disenchanted at this point.
I won't lie, however, no pre-school, play school, actual school, or dance classes leaves me in a bit of a bind. I will have ALL my kids, ALL day long, FOR two whole months.
Maybe I should look into dog kennels.
joking, joking.
I'm hoping now that all progeny are mobile units, we'll be able to spend some time outside this summer, and not hide away as if we are allergic to sunlight, and might sprout unsightly fangs if exposed. I wasn't much of an outside girl as a kid, much preferring to lounge in the shade with the latest 'Sweet Valley Twins' tome and squeal when anything with legs, antennae or freckles came anywhere near me. But now as an adult, I appreciate a little fresh air, and of course the ability of the outside to calm even the most savage toddler.
I'm stocking up on suntan lotion and hoping for the best.
(The best being I'm not institutionalized on Day Two of summer)


Saturday, May 10, 2008

It's a bird, it's a plane...

Nope. It's a mom.
She can fly, she can swoop, she can clean the dishes while tying a loop.
(this, my friends, is why I gave up on poetry)
OK, so I was not a fan of Mother's Day for a long long time. It only served to remind me about the things I did not have. I had certain things in mind about what Mother's should be. In the motherhood lot, I did not get my wish.
It's no secret that my Mom did not stick around. It's a hard thing to deal with the person who manufactured you not wanting you. Or not wanting to be with you enough to fight for you. The commercials around Mother's Day would make me scornful and envious, everyone else's mother cares, and yet....not me.

Now, that I'm older and I have a slightly more clear view of things, I adore Mother's Day.
I always wanted to be a Mother. A mother and an underwear model.
At least I'm a mother. Not only that, but I can appreciate My Mom for who she is, not for what she isn't. I can appreciate my stepmother for opening up the world to me.
My Mamaw for unwavering prayer, and constant support.
My Grandma for the show tunes and killer use of red lipstick.

And I know that Mother's Day is not just for women who gave birth.
It's for the aunts and sisters who read bed time stories and give good advice and love with all their heart.
It's for your friends who are fighting the same three a.m. fights you are and love you even though you have bloodshot eyes and a short temper.
For the network of women who will not judge you when you're fighting your two year old over a sucker, but instead give you a sympathetic smile and a wink.
Mother's Day is for your children to celebrate all you mean to them.
It's for your husband, who made you a Mommy.
For your Dad, who loved you and made you strong enough and smart enough to parent in your own right.

To everyone who has at some point been called Mommy, Happy Mother's Day.
To everyone who hasn't, the same.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Warm and Fuzzy Rejection.

My first rejection letter was when I was around fifteen. I entered the seventeen young writers contest and well, because I was not quite 'with it', I sent in a handwritten six hundred word masterpiece ( I believe the word count min. was 1200). All my hopes pinned on my story of a girls first kiss and first tattoo (unbelievably the same day!) Anxious, hopeful and a little sick to my stomach I checked the mail every day. When the creamy white envelope from seventeen finally arrived I was giddy with joy. I got MAIL! from a MAGAZINE! that everyone I knew READ! I'm pretty sure my hands were shaking as I tore open the envelope guessed it. Ms. Treadway...we regret to inform you....

I was heartbroken.
I had already fantasized about telling my parents and throwing it in my brother's face and bragging to my friends....
But it was not to be.

Fourteen or so years later, I'm still no stranger to rejection. I've hit on strangers who laughed in my face (ok, that was once and I really don't want to talk about it.) my kids have spurned me for their father countless times and I'm pretty sure that even my immediate family doesn't like me sometimes.

Finally...Finally FINALLY I got a rejection letter with positive feedback.

I'd submitted two short stories to Harlequin back before the end of last year for ePublication.
Months and months had gone by with no word and I assumed just like all my other submissions, it wasn't even good enough for a form rejection, or it got lost in the mail.
Two days ago, I heard from Mary-Margeret Scrimger, an associate editor at MIRA (an imprint of Harlequin) actually heard from her, a personal email to me from her!!!

She said my story line was strong, but some scenes were unbelievable and the character introduction was weak (I'm paraphrasing)
She also said that they strongly advised me to continue with my writing, and they would love to see future submissions.

I know, it's still a rejection. And I'm still pretty heartbroken (I was proud of this particular story) but honestly, this is THE BEST rejection I've gotten. She told me what was good (strong, original story) and what was bad (far fetched scenes and watery dialogue). I can use that to make my other stuff stronger, as well as reworking this particular story for resubmission.

I still get a warm feeling just thinking about it.

Hope everyone has a great Mother's Day, I do have a post for mother's but it will have to be later today or tomorrow...
Best R

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

messy and unexpected

OK, so random book reviews are going by the wayside for a bit, in light of Mother's Day being right around the corner and all.

Recently, I was filling out some formamajig and one of the 'questions' (I'm using questions, because really we all know they are not questions, more like passive aggressive statements, but, I digress) was

Describe yourself in two words.

oh Crap.

oops, was that my two words...shoot.

You surely see my dilemma, I'm many things, but a women of short and sweet I am not.

If anything, I need two words to simply begin describing myself.

I thought long and hard. Realistically, it was like two seconds because if I was given time to think about something, I overthink.

Which of course, is what I'm doing now.

My two words were Messy and unexpected. Now, I do realize that messy to one person is not necessarily messy to another. I didn't mean sloppy messy, I meant happy messy.

I meant that given the choice of cleaning the living room or playing kitchen with the monster brigade, I would mess up that play area even more because my kids mean so much to me. I meant that if I had to choose to load the dishwasher or listen to one of K's original arrangements, I would give her the same attention I intend to give the American Idol tour.

My children are young still. And so am I. (well, relatively)

They won't have me to tea always and I won't always get to be their biggest fan. One day, I'll be the last person on their list instead of the first.

But, I didn't get to say all that. I just said messy.

Sometimes you have to say it all with one or two words and this is not me at all. I'm not sloppy messy (most of the time, or on purpose) I like when my house is clean, but I love to hear one of the kids say Thanks Mom even more.

Unexpected, well that one is a lot easier.

I have several paradoxes to my personality, due to my unconventional childhood. Which, while I was in it, hated, but now that I've grown up and gotten over it, I really loved.

So I am, Messy and Unexpected.

But, I'm also, Late, but reliable

Fun, and serious.

Devoted and wishy-washy (ok, is this one word? or two?)

Now that I'm approaching thirty, I appreciate who I am.

Someone who can't be described in two words.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Am not Crazy..Am Hormonal. is good excuse.

Dear Rhianna***,

Hello, Hope you are doing well, It's good to see that you still don't resemble a bus backing up when you wear an yellow sundress. I hope you are starting to feel a little bit better, but if not, please consider antidepressants. (Yeah, drugs!) We can send you a FREE month. That's thirty pills for NOTHING*. If you'd like to be in on this exiting ground floor opportunity, all you have to do is fill out this easy form (please include current credit card number, children's names and social security numbers and last will and testament).

Thanks in Advance.
Random big name drug company...**
*UM? hello? why do you need my credit card if offer is free?
**Can you see crazy all the way from new york city?
***names and some identifying details have been changed to protect innocent.

Dear Money sucking economy ruining spam mailing Pharmaceutical Company***

Am not crazy, am mother of three children under the age of five.
Am only fat because cannot find time to eat well and exercise (and quite frankly, like food)
So, you and "FREE" product do not tempt me.
Also, am uninterested in quick fixes for mental state, am just fine two weeks out of the month.

Thanks after the fact for your concern****,

****is sarcasm.
PS. Am girl, last time I looked so I have every right to be crazy.

did they really think spamming me for my CREDIT CARD NUMBER would work?
Sadly, I'm thinking they did, and that someone may have actually fallen for it.
Do you think they'll only say I'm mad cuz I'm crazy.
Good thing I'm a lunatic, otherwise, I might be concerned.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

And another thing I just don't understand.

Not really sure what's up with all the space in my blog yesterday, I hope it wasn't too difficult to read. Thanks for all the comments and encouragement. I have noticed lately that some people have massive amounts of profile views. I know this doesn't necessarily mean blog views, just profile, but some people have like 500 (BECKY!) while I have maybe 70. I started to get a little upset (umm jealous) and then I realized, I don't have a 'view my complete profile' clicky button.


I've been trying to figure out if I should sell out and do the Adsense, I've gotten several emails about it and one of the things I've been trying to figure out is basically, is it worth it? I don't want my blog to be slow loading, and blah, blah. So, I've looked into traffic counters and can't seem to come up with anything concrete. And as I've mentioned, I've only gotten about 70 hits on my profile and well, that doesn't seem right. Um. Not sure why I'm sending this out into the blogverse other than I may get someone who has done Adsense and will have an opinion on the whole enterprise.

Also, I kind of got 'hate mail' about posting excerpts in my regular blog, so I'll be reopening Writing Mommy soon just for excerpts.

Which hopefully will please some of the people some of the time.

Ok, my last list o' the month.

My very favorite people, places and things. (in no particular order)

1. Once upon a child-they give you cash for your kids things and they are really reasonable and now we have one in HICKORY! (there's also one on Independence in Charlotte)

2. Used book stores. I just love the whole concept.

3. EBay, it's not as great as it used to be, but still fun.

4. The Grin Kids organization. It's a great worthy charity run by Local Radio personalities.

Lest you think I'm selfless and junk....

5. The Coach pleated HOBO is on my Mother's Day wishlist.

6. So is this necklace from Tiffany & Co. ( A bargain at only twenty thou!)

7. These girls shoes from Target. (Sparkly! Pretty!) Must have them!
Sadly, they do not come in Mommy sizes. And they aren't even really that practical for kids, but Sparkly! Pretty!
8. Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.
9. Amalah the website and the smackdown! so funny and so real and even though she got my fave camera free, just for being a cool mommy blogger I love her!
10. My friends, family and the fact that I'm turning thirty! (so scared!) but exited (and scared, really scared!)
OK, I think that's all my personal loves. I do have a few gotta haves for still life with baby.
I personally couldn't live without a double stroller ( I Have this one from BabysR Us)I love it, and I have to say, it doesn't look quite as awesome after two years of use.
Also, My baby Bjorn, I recommend getting one used (or on eBay) because they run around a hundred dollars and that can be kind of expensive when you just have a baby.
Um, for practicality, all my kids have Crocs , although I have yet to make the leap and get a pair for my self.
My new fave drink is Almost anything from Sonic or a Smoothie from Broad river.
I would have to split food into sub categories and I won't do that to you, so we'll just go with chocolate.
Hope everyone had a happy April!
I'd love to hear what you couldn't live without!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Early Morning Maracas and Disney Channel Devotees.

Good morning all!
And look at me, posting before I have breakfast. I'm super.
Ok, not so much.
I'm playing the avoiding my chores game. I'm great at this game. So great in fact, I can put off a single chore (for examples sake, lets say mopping the floor, cinderella-style) for up to three weeks, any longer and well, it just doesn't make sense, does it?
I don't mind mopping in and of itself, I mind the hullabaloo to get to the ACTUAL MOPPING>you know, the sweeping(or swiffering), the carrying of all objects into adjacent room, the wetting the mop. It just goes on and on and on. And frankly, who hasn't mopped only to find your lovely floor over ran with spaghetti, mud, or overzealous finger painting toddlers?
Which of course, is one of my excuses not to mop, I'm planning on finger painting, mud wrestling or making spaghetti, I couldn't possibly MOP today! Alas, I have run out of excuses and therefore I have to just suck it up and DO IT ALREADY, just not now, I have to BLOG.
Of course.
I'm thinking.
OH yeah, is anyone looking especially forward to Mother's Day this year?
I'm not, but I've heard through the, well, the car riders line and dance class waiting room, that lots of mommies are getting some really nice gifts due to the stimulus package. Which is nice, I'd like a van, a new camera and a spa package. Please.
In that order.
I'm kidding. (not really)

Totally JOKING. I already have the greatest gift a mother could have.

I still have my sanity.



Is anyone else wondering when one of the Disney Bands are going to have a top forty hit?
I love the Imagination Movers. But, the Wiggles have been around for a good bit longer and I'm just waiting for fruit salad to be on the VH1 top twenty countdown. These songs are so catchy, I'm sing them when actually serving fruit salad or when Calling all movers from north to south.

Admittedly that one doesn't flow so much. I see it happening though.

Did anyone watch Jon and Kate plus 8 or TIVO it? It seems Kate has chilled a bit, or perhaps has been medicated? She was less snarky and more willing to leave Jon alone with all 8. She did it more than once. Gasp.

OK, I'm seriously running out of things to talk about. This. is. not. good.

I may actually have to clean.

A list!

But first, next month will be RANDOM BOOK REVIEWS!!

so, if you have written a book you want mentioned, just email me and I'll read it and review it, or if you have a recommendation, send it my way.

Things NOT to say to a husband having the big 'V'.

1. If you think this hurts....

2. Do you feel that your manhood is gone?

3. Now you can't get your girlfriend pregnant.

4. I'm pregnant.

5. I think I see that normal. (yes it is. that's why they call it cauterizing. it means burning in medicalese.)

One more thing. Have you guys seen Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) in her Vanity Fair Photo shoot?
What do you think?
too sexy for a fifteen year old?It's raising a lot of ruckus. I have a five year old who happens to be a fan, who will not be seeing it. I'm also a fan and I although I personally have no problem with it, is this not reminiscent of the cover of the Rolling Stone with Britney Spears?

I just don't want the same thing to happen to Miss Miley.

That all being said, I'd love to hear opinions, and if you love or hate it.

PS. Shot by Annie Leibowitz, who does fantastic photos.

OK, OK, I'm going to mop. I promise.

One more thing...R

Monday, April 28, 2008

Working for the weekend...

...A bad sign on Monday.
Because this weekend is supposed to be superfun! Which means, of course, that I will probably be sick or indisposed in some way that will make my superfun time impossible. Do you think if I acknowledge the jinx it nullifies it's power? Just a thought.

Well, I will speak no more of it.

With my fingers crossed.

I have tentatively some news about writing that could possibly be awesome, but again, I don't want to jinx it.
In things I can share news, my friend Rebecca has a new blog, I'm sure she would love a visit. Rebecca and I are collaborating on parenting project, so if you have any heartwarming, funny, sweet, silly or otherwise stories to share, please do. Since I've skipped over the lists the last few days, this list will be L-O-N-G, meaning short.

Why I'll never be a bridesmaid again.
1. This movie.
2. The fact that all my friends are old married women. (ok, not old, old, but you get the point)
3. I have dress issued on the best of days, wedding days are no exception.
4. Wedding cake.
A side note, I have no problem with weddings per se, it's just that at this juncture in my life, I've been married and bridesmaiding for ten or so years, and well, it gets old.
another side note, if and when my lovely little sister gets married, I'm hoping she'll have mercy on me and make me something sedentary like a registry attendant or photographer. (hint, Jess, hint)
5. I hate, hate, hate having my picture taken.
6. I've walked the aisle with my pic, walking the aisle with stranger friend of my friend? Not so much.

So rent 27 dresses with friends and decide what was the best thing about your wedding.
And the worst.


Friday, April 25, 2008

Barely controlled Chaos

I'm in a great mood today despite the madness that has been my Morning. I don't know why, perhaps it's reverse PMS or something (and if I could bottle it I'd be rich, rich, rich!!) As most of you who have children know, it's a WORKDAY, which means my oldest is home today and by transmitting some high pitched kids only whistle/screech has turned my home into her own personal 'Lord of the Flies' part duex. They yelled and screamed upstairs and hollered and fought downstairs.

While I? seriously considered tossing them into the yard after hogtying them together.

But I didn't, I suppose in part to my good mood and the fact that they may get into more trouble in the yard than in here.

Ah well.

I will have the second part of the excerpt later today, but it is not forthcoming right this second because I haven't have time to proofread. (hint: What Rhianna should be doing right now? I'll take working on her writing and not blathering self-serving blogs for 200 Alex)
In Happy camper news, I will not be winning neatest Camper again this year. But, in my defense, I was a really neat camper when I lived at home. Now, for some odd reason, my kids think they live here, and are allowed to toss their thousands of possesions willy nilly until I scream 'ENOUGH!' and toss them all upstairs (which I affectionately refer to as 'the toy pit'.)

I have noticed in my travels (you know, to Uptown Shelby and home) that there is an unusual amount of garbage lately. Is this because everyone is moving or are people actually spring cleaning? Or perhaps people are rebelling against the very notion of going Green and are just throwing away as much as they can in an attempt to sabotage our poor planet as quickly as possible? I just wondered because not only have I witnessed an abnormal amount of waste, but also people digging through it, (surely they purexed before and after, right?) and (I swear this is true) someone had actually put a sign on their garbage that said 'Garbage only, no clothing'. I wish I had my camera and the guts to get out of the car and photograph it. I say resist the urge to dig through someone's waste, in this time of Asian bird toxic hepatitis I think it would be a tad unsafe. That's just me, tho, it's up to you.

But, if I'm sitting on a couch you salvaged from a street corner, please don't tell me.

Unless you'd like to see a fat lady jump up and run, then by all means, lay it on me.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Not Brooke Shields, Not Gwyneth Paltrow

So here's the thing.
I don't exactly have an edited 'Ditz gets it done excerpt ready. Darn the #$%&!!! printer, but I do have two shorts from my new Work In Progress 'Thintentions'
About a young girl with body issues and six perfect sisters who are marrying at an alarming rate.
First excerpt is today and I'll hopefully get the second one up this weekend sometime.
And BTW, have you noticed that Brooke Shields is like the new poster girl for good parenting? she's in no less than three ads in Parents this month. UMM, no offense, but when did celebrities with endless supplies of nannies and income get to tell me how to effectively parent?

Thintentions excerpt #1 Enjoy! and Share!

I have six sisters.
That’s right, six. I am one of seven girls. Eventually, my parents gave up on trying to have a boy and started marrying their daughters off. I have been a bridesmaid and/or maid of honor in three weddings. The fourth is all set to go in two months and while I try to be happy for my sisters and I am, happy, but sometimes I feel like the most unmarriable girl on the planet. My sisters are graceful gazelles, and I am a galumphing walrus. They’ve all floated through life dancing, cheerleading, singing like an angel, or other equally feminine pursuits. While I, on the other hand, am a proud trumpet player and crackerjack chess player, and have never ever in my whole life worn a tutu. Nor do I have any sort of perverse desire to do so now that my days of possible cute ballerina are over.
In every photo of my painful and restless childhood, I am squeezed in a corner of the picture, looking miserable and well, fat. Not that I was, or am, really, truly fat. I’m just not as thin as Missy, Chrissy, Candy, Penelope, Sandra or Constance. They are thin as whips and tall as the father who checked out mentally, economically and socially when Missy, the youngest, turned two. I topped out at five three and hover in the young double digits, which makes me look like the ball to my sisters’ bats.
It only got worse after high school. I stopped being athletic in any way. No more softball picnics, no more marching band camps, bring on the freshman fifteen for me and for my rail thin sister Penelope who was born a mere eleven months after me, and by default became my roommate. Penny was content to listen to pan flute music and do Pilates while I scared our mothers’ homemade care packages and lay in bed moaning about Luke. The boy who got away. Isn’t there always a boy who got away? I try to make myself feel better about Luke by telling myself that he really is a boy and not a man, and even though I deluded myself about our relationship, it was nonetheless devastating when I walked into his dorm with a bag of cool Ranch Doritos and a six-pack, hollering about the futurama marathon, only to see him with his face buried in the crotch of Tami or Toni something or other. I really thought I could wear Luke down. He totally got me, and I got him, or so I thought. We had started out studying together, one of the mindless freshman classes that you’re forced to take to assimilate to college life. He was cute in a messy not-quite-grown-up-yet sort of way and I loved that. He seemed not averse to my relative short and chubbiness, and so we forged a friendship built on comfort and overt desire on my part. Looking back it may have been free adoration, beer and chips on his part. But we pressed forward, and even when our class ended, we continued to hang out, that is until I caught the up close and personal fellatio show in his dorm, then I ran back to my dorm, where Penny patted my back and tried not to say I told you so. Just a thought.

Thintentions excerpt #1

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

so, who would be my nemesis? Miss Vain?

It feels like it has been forever since I've even been on the computer. I know this is not true, but we've had a crazy busy week and a half.
I have had time to read a few posts and here is one of my favorites. I'm terribly bitter and jealous (Call me Insecure Girl, lately) about all the Mommy bloggers who got wicked swag and the chance to meet and greet all the other Mommy Bloggers. But I will not bore you with my mired in self doubtedness. IN other good news, not only did Famed "Chick" lit author Jennifer Weiner ink a SEVEN figure deal with ABC, she was Also on CBS Morning news, this am, If you have time or the inclination, Check it OUT. She's awesome and she earned it, but I still get all ill and just plain mad that I can't make this kind of thing happen for me (can you say delusional? And possibly too neurotic to live?) I mean, I've only been committed to my writing for a year or so, and I don't know what I expected to happen. OK, I expected Stephen King himself to read something of Mine and swoon at the brilliance (MySpace blog perhaps?) and just have to find someone to represent me.

Have I mentioned that I daydream a bit too much for a grown up?

I will be posting some of my writing soon, thanks for all the great messages and emails asking how my progress is coming and all that.

I do have a COMPLETED first draft of The ditz gets it DONE, which is about a former beauty queen who is asked to judge the same pageant she won five years earlier. At the same time that her life is falling apart (fiance' running off to sing with band, mother going BSC). In addition to the free trip to Vegas she gets to land smack dab in the middle of a Beauty Queen Murder Mystery. And, oh yeah? did I mention, of course there's this guy. (tentatively and affectionately named for my hometown, Marshall.) I will post an excerpt tonight or in the morning. I'd love to hear feedback.

List for the day:

Inappropriate Ring tones for Mothers of PreSchoolers.

1. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

2. Da club (Applebottom jeans, boots with the fur, da whole club was looking at her)

3. Honky-tonk Badonkadonk (sp?)

4. Touch my body (the new Mariah Carey song, I mean really!)

5. Let's get it on.

I can think of a lot more, and a few I've even had that were, ummm, questionable.

But I think you get the picture.

Who else loves this song and video?

Also, Most of you probably know by now, but I have a lovely new namesake, Elliana Rhiannon Horldt. Eesn't SHEE beeeyouteeful?
I think so.
I must be way cooler than I think I am to have such a wonderful honor.
She's lovely and healthy and settling in with her family and her big brother Carson, but they could still use thoughts and prayers.
Whew, I think that's all for now, hopefully later today I'll have an excerpt.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Miss Disaster and the Back up Brats

Things that could have been a Disaster if not for my ace parenting skills and highly honed powers of observation.
1. Brady finding Fruity Pebbles and getting out the bag inside the box.
2. Brady figuring out the toaster (and, apparently, how to climb up on bar stools)
3. Brady learning that Diaper is Optional Clothing (umm, wait, this was a pretty big disaster)
4. Ailise deciding to tattoo her brother with PERMANENT SHARPIE.
5. Ailise realizing things leave when flushed down the toliet (Don't want to wear shoes? FLUSH THEM!!)
6. Keegan deciding to 'clean' all of our DVD's with febreeze and baby wipes.
7. Cheetos. White shirt. Well, I think it's self explanatory.
8. any one of them feeding the dog Play-doh, moon sand, the rest of their Easter Candy.

Also, forgive last night's post, I realize now that I was so tired I could barely talk, let alone write, so I'm not even sure I spell checked. OH well.
In things I'm loving right now..
Check this out..
Have a great weekend.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Day Gone and A dollar Flat

It's official. I totally didn't win the Erma Bombeck writing contest.

And I have to say, it totally sucks, but rather than wallowing in misery (well, since I've already done that for two hours) I will be brave and assume that I was just overlooked.

In other headline news : Leesy is three!

Which means she's still roughly the size of a two year old with a ten year olds wit and vocabulary.

It's disconcerting. We did have a good day (sort of) We started at Club Libby Lu ,

which I assumed would be right up Leesy's alley, but instead she screamed like a wild hyena was attacking her head when the girl started to put in bobby pins. Instead, Keegan got a gorgeous princess hairdo, make-up and manicure, while the birthday girl clung to my chest and whimpered, until we passed the play area on our way out, when she was magically cured her whatever the heck was wrong and played for almost an hour before deciding we would Build a new Bear that says happy birthday. So we did. (another hour chasing three year old around build a bear, all the while lugging our 'loot' from Libby Lu's, OH? didn't I mention Leesy still wanted her haul, she just didn't want anyone touching her? )

Now, we decide to eat (OK, they decide to eat and I wonder if the mall has a pharmacy that might slip me a few Paxil Ativan Xanax)

Silly me, we didn't bring in the stroller (always, always bring the stroller into the mall. Always.)

So I have....A mini dog carrying pocketbook, Leesy's 'accident' backpack, Keegan's new beach bag, two Build-a-bear boxes, my pocketbook and a wicked itch on my neck when the moron working at the Chinese kiosk places my food on one side of the tray and the food on the other.

Of course (I mean of course) this mean the tray flips as soon as I pick it up while people stream around me oblivious to the fact that I'm carrying more bags that an oversea traveler and trying to balance a food tray and two little girls.

The joy of the spoiling of the birthday child.

The upside?

tonight when she went to sleep, I heard her playing her Birthday song (that Keegan and I had recorded for her, and stuck in her leopard, a pink one, again, of course it was pink) about seventy eight times.

so it was good.

here's hoping the batteries in those sound thingamajigs only last for a few days....